Erik's Legacy
by Hot4Gerry
Summary: Two women, one embracing love, the other denying its pull on her heart. Erik will love both women passionately.Tragedy will nearly destroy those who remain. Will guilt win out over love? Has love reciprocated taught Erik how live after loss? Erik/OC
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I've tried to hold off posting this story so I could devote my time to Innocence Lost posted on fiction press but I miss my days with Erik. Who wouldn't want to spend an hour or two with such a passionate man? Be kind and review. Thank you to all who read my offering. **

**Erik's Legacy**

**Chapter One**

**Dangerous Liaisons **_**Helene Lefèvre **_

The note to Aunt Eileen came this afternoon. The man who brought it round to her door seemed agitated and anxious to be gone. I took the envelope knowing what it might contain. Flicking the end of the paper against the palm of my hand I debated whether I should let her know anything had arrived from Antoinette. Aunt Eileen has not been well and she does not need this aggravation of an Opera Ghost even if she feels the excitement is good for her. At forty-eight and being a widow with no children she feels life has slipped past leaving her with so many regrets. She misses my uncle terribly as do I.

I remember those days when I was younger and we would visit Uncle Henri at the opera house. It used to puzzle me why he seemed so nervous all the time and why he tried to send us away almost as soon as we got there. Aunt Eileen would not hear of missing one single production during the season and for that I am grateful even if it began to wear on Uncle's nerves.

I have since learned why he always looked as if the devil looked over his shoulder. A devil did indeed trouble him but this demon had the substance of a man, a horrible wicked man. His antics caused my uncle so much distress that eventually he sold the opera house he loved so much. He moved to Australia for a time but he missed France as did Aunt Eileen. I on the other hand loved Australia. I looked on it as a new frontier, one I wished to explore but I could not remain there on my own so when they came back to France I did too.

Even though Uncle Henri had nothing to do with the opera house he still kept track of all that went on. He may as well still have owned the darn thing as it still set his nerves off every time something was mentioned in the papers about the Opera Ghost or Phantom. Ridiculous nonsense I said but I was proved wrong. Not that the problems stemmed from any apparition but the troubles were no less dangerous coming from a man who sought to topple the very building he occupied.

Antoinette had told Aunt Eileen the man had threatened to bring down the chandelier if Mademoiselle Daaé did not agree to go with him. Even though that kind of love has never befallen me I can understand the power of it but also think in this case it is more obsession than love. What must he have suffered down in his dark world with so little contact with anyone? That does not excuse any of the horrible actions he has taken but it does give a reason for his insanity.

I suppose this letter is to alert us as to the man's intentions so Aunt Eileen can set her part of the plan in motion. It is lunacy I say. Let Raoul and the gendarmes handle this. Why put us all in danger trying to save the very madman who would kill us all with his crazed plan?

Sighing deeply in disgust I know I have no choice. If I discard the letter, that could place others in danger who count on our part of this plan. It is left to us to try to persuade our Opera Ghost to come with us and leave Paris and all its problems behind. Likely he'll not want to leave his love behind but Aunt Eileen can be persuasive when she puts her mind to it.

Aunt Eileen is just as excited about the message within the envelope as I feared she would be. Nothing can be planned with any certainty as we have no real idea what is going on in the madman's mind. What Antoinette suggests is that we bring a carriage around to the Rue Scribbe entrance then attend the performance as planned. From the vantage point of our box we can assess the situation and act accordingly. I fear both Aunt Eileen and Antoinette place too much confidence in the man acting sane at the eleventh hour. If he loves this young woman as Antoinette declares he does he will not be willing to leave without some last grand gesture to win her. I feel it is the chandelier coming down during the performance that will signal either the end of a tragic love affair or the beginning of a great one. Likely it will end in tragedy. Aren't all great love affairs fashioned to end that way? Any opera worth its salt is steeped in tragic despair from the characters.

As I watch Aunt Eileen fight to catch her breath after one of her spells I find myself worrying about this lingering cough. She has been tested for tuberculosis and the doctor assured that affliction did not reside in her weak lungs. Some other unknown disease seemed to have taken root and continued to grow causing further problems. How much longer this could go on I am afraid to ask the doctor outright. My aunt is the last of my family and I shudder to think of life lived alone with no one to count on other than the servants.

She waves me off when I would have gone to her and says weakly, "I will be fine. Just give me a minute." She smiles at me reassuringly pressing her hand into her chest. Her once vibrant blue eyes are faded more this last month than before. Her skin has a pallor that has nothing to do with fashion.

No matter what I say Aunt Eileen will do as her friend wishes. I can't help but curse Antoinette for coming and laying this on my aunt's doorstep just when she had a need to think more of herself.

Antoinette had come last week wringing her hands worriedly and telling us about this man she has kept hidden. Aunt Eileen did not look at all surprised by the tall tale being told to us. In fact midway through she had placed her hand over Antoinette's to still her and inform her that most of what she said was already known by half of Paris in one form or another. Depending on which person told the tale it had slightly different information but basically it was the story of some poor disfigured boy a young Madame Giry, then Mademoiselle Antoinette Trudeau, had rescued and taken to live in the bowels of the opera house.

These tales were not known by any of the highbrow patrons of the opera house, no, these stories had been told and retold over the years around gypsy campfires and by other vagrants passing through Paris. Street urchins knew of him as he paid well for services rendered. Shopkeepers spoke of a mysterious late night caller who would buy their goods and pay a handsome premium for the privilege of secrecy.

Eileen Dupree met and married my uncle, Monsieur Henri Lefèvre some years ago. Later he met Madame Giry a young ballerina destined for center stage until an unforeseen accident had left her with a limp. She would never dance again but she could teach others splendidly. From the time they met both women found a kindred spirit. It did not matter that my aunt came from noble blood or that her husband could buy and sell whole countries and not bat an eye.

How anyone can make excuses for what this devilish man did is beyond me but Aunt Eileen has a heart so tender it pains her to see others suffer. Only she would forgive the man who had used such extreme measures to control Uncle Henri's opera house. The man had even been said to have murdered several people, one stagehand for sure and perhaps many more bodies lie hidden down in the catacombs travelled by the one haunting L'Opéra Populaire.

What Antoinette wanted from my aunt that day was her promise to help this man if ever there should come a time he needed to escape for whatever reason. From all the rumors going round the dinner parties and articles in the papers it was a safe bet he'd need rescuing in the near future unless someone, namely Vicomte Raoul de Chagny, did away with the lunatic haunting the opera house and murdering innocent people. Aunt Eileen does not agree with me about this man she has promised to aid should he need it. She sees him as a lost soul.

I suppose with Uncle Henri having died only some ten months ago she is lost without him. She needs to find a cause to occupy her lonely days and nights. I try my best but my companionship is not what she wants. She needs a man by her side. She has always had a male in her life to tell her what to do and tell her all the things women love to hear. She is not one who can survive long without a mate. At forty-eight she is still a vibrant and attractive woman or at least I had thought so until recently.

"Aunt Eileen you can't mean to honor this promise you made in a weak moment. Antoinette will understand if you refuse. Tell her your health…"

"My dear my health is my own concern." She must have seen the hurt I could not hide at her careless words for she patted my hand then continued kindly, "Helene, contrary to what you may think, I am not yet ready to pick out my coffin or prepare the family plot."

"I never…"

"Oh I know you didn't mean it that way. I am just trying to say I may not feel as I did when I was a young girl but I still have some kick left in me."

"I know. I am sorry if I seem to come on too strong but I am only concerned you will let your friendship overrule your sensibilities at this time. Have you even considered what a responsibility this man will be? What if he won't come? What if, God forbid, he decides to murder us all?"

"Well my dear Helene if you are worried about your safety you may stay at home and oversee the preparations for the arrival of our guest. I won't hold it against you if you don't wish to participate."

"Oh no. I shall not be left behind to worry and wonder what is happening. I shall be right by your side every step of the way."

She once again patted my knee and looked at me knowingly as she said, "I would not have it any other way."

Why do I have the feeling I have been maneuvered into making a decision against my principals?


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

**Bring the House Down **_**Helene **_

The opera house is full and the noise is deafening just before the lights dim then go dark. The performance is about to begin. Most of the people here tonight are here to see how the evening will play out. They know something is about to happen that will change things irreparably. Rumors have been flying to and fro for weeks. Ever since this opera had been thrust upon the present managers, conversations have been rife with speculation about what might or might not happen.

I can see Raoul de Chagny just to the side of our own box and the managers across from us. Our seats are the best in the house. I would much rather have a seat in the auditorium below for this performance, one preferably with an easy exit. Looking at the young man sitting forward on the edge of his seat it is apparent that I am not the only one feeling nervous about this evening's performance. The lights flicker then dim one last time. The performance begins. Everyone quiets as the music from the orchestra pit blares out the most horrific sounds.

The disjointed cacophony of music and voices coming from the stage causes my ears to feel actual pain. Covering them I look around to see the confusion of others as they too cover their ears as they look about trying to decide if this is some poorly executed joke or the madman's idea of driving everyone out just as the performance begins. When the lead male singer, Piangi Umbaldo comes out onto the stage and begins singing his first lines it is clear that the opening was meant to be some sort of unsettling intro to what is to follow. Perhaps it was meant to mock the man now singing about some plan to steal a young woman's virtue disguised as another man.

He leaves the stage laughing then a very pretty young girl dressed in a scandalous peasant costume comes out on stage. This must be Mademoiselle Christine Daaé, the Vicomte's lovely fiancée. Vaguely I remember her from when I came to the opera house as a child with my aunt and uncle. Even under the harsh lights of the theatre it is clear why anyone would fall under her spell. A man deprived of even the simplest of touches would cherish each moment shared with her. How had he kept from whisking her away before Raoul's reappearance in her life? Why had he not declared his love for her before a rival came on the scene? Perhaps the man from the shadows had little confidence in the young woman's answer and only made this desperate attempt to win her once Raoul came back into the picture. To be loved with such intensity had to confuse her as well as flatter her. I know if it were me being courted by two such powerful men I would…well I don't know what I would do and that may be the crux of this dilemma, the lady cannot boldly declare her feelings openly for the man who came to her as an angel.

The curtain opens and it looks as if Piangi has reentered but the voice is not the same. The physique is not the same. Where before his singing had been adequate now it held a seductive persuasive quality it had not had before. Without knowing I did so, I find myself moving to the edge of my seat. I have leaned forward as if to catch each note before it drifts into silence.

There is power and command in this new person on stage. When I glance over to the box next to ours the Vicomte is looking anxious and upset by the scene being played out before us all. This is not a mere performance. This is a man making a declaration to his beloved and trying to lure her with his considerable appeal. I don't think many women could resist being lead into compliance by such seductive tones. Even I feel the tug of sexual persuasion dripping in every line of the song. What must that young woman be feeling? Even I would find him daunting at close quarters. How fortunate I am to be immune to such romantic nonsense. Or so I thought until even I could not hide my response to the scene being played out before us. I feel like a voyeur. They are all but making love even while separated by a considerable distance.

Excitement has everyone watching breathlessly as the two sing and climb the stairs. Each step up seems to signal some unknown catalyst just waiting to be set loose among us. Anticipation for what will happen once the couple reunites at the bridge is almost unbearable. Gasps can be heard around throughout the audience as with a swirl of his cape Don Juan approaches his Aminta. In unison they sing words meant to inflame passionate responses. I am gripped by an unknown burning in my belly and find I am breathing rapidly and my heart is pounding strongly against the wall of my chest. In books this would be how the maiden felt as the hero worked his magic on her. Just when I think I cannot bear any more there is a pause then with sweet pleading words the man asks for his love to stay with him and fill his loneliness with her presence. He asks for her to pledge herself to him as his love for one lifetime.

I cannot help but silently urge her to give him the words he almost pleads to hear. Surely such passionate love will be rewarded. Even while I silently hope for a happy ending my own experience has jaded me so profoundly that I know already this will not end with a happily ever after.

When the mask and hairpiece are ripped away without ceremony everyone gasps as his face is revealed. Restraining my own gasp with my hand I turn to Aunt Eileen to find her already on her feet. She has such a look of pity on her face it nearly breaks my heart to see it. Before I can say anything screams are heard followed by a loud explosion. Pandemonium breaks out shortly thereafter.

"Come Helene, we must hurry. There isn't much time. We must make our way to the side street where the carriage will be waiting."

She is leaving the box before I can say one word. Glancing over my shoulder I can see people rushing in every direction as the stage begins to burn out of control. Monsieur de Chagny has jumped down onto the stage where he has waylaid Antoinette. The managers have already left their box. Several policemen are running around with their rifles at the ready. Soon the whole place will be an inferno. It is to be hoped that everyone will make it out alive but from the massive confusion going on below it is likely they will trample one another trying to outrun the fire. Grimly I take note of heavy chains and locks on the side exits. Were they so desperate to catch their Phantom that they placed little or no value on human life? The fools.

Raoul de Chagny has much to answer for as does that crazed misguided fool who brought down his sword to cut the rope holding up the chandelier. We are only on the second tier of stairs and already the smoke is so thick it is nearly impossible to see let alone breathe. Blindly my aunt reaches her hand back toward me. I grab at her like a lifeline. If we were to get separated now we would not be able to find one another in all the chaos going on around us. Screams of those being trampled are mixed with the thunderous sound of explosions. Breaking glass can be heard as well as the loud crackling of the licking flames.

As I am pulled along it occurs to me that this may be a fool's errand. What assurance do we have that the man will even come out that side of the building? Gasping for air I ask, "How can we be sure he will come out on that side? What if he doesn't come out at all? Please tell me you won't go into the underbelly of the opera house searching for him."

"Antoinette said the Rue Scribbe entrance is the one furthest from where any foot traffic would be. It is used mainly for deliveries. It is the place she said Erik comes and goes when he ventures out. We must hurry. I promised I would be there should he need help. I cannot let my dear friend down, not when she feels she has betrayed him already."

"I cannot believe you feel sympathy for this madman." I disregarded my own earlier tender feelings for the man. After what he did tonight I hoped they caught him and hanged him in the promenade for all to see.

"Helene I know what he has done is wicked but I cannot help but feel he needs someone, someone who does not ask anything of him but will give him everything."

Our conversation is cut off as we are now on the ground floor. We are being jostled by people intent on escaping the flames and beams that are now beginning to fall as the fire compromises the very structure of the building. I would rather stop and offer aid to those poor souls injured and needing a helping hand but instead I am following behind my misguided relative. It has crossed my mind that should we cross paths with this madman he may well do us some harm. Clearly insanity has overtaken any common sense he had left.

Is it conceivable that he will even come with us? He does not know us or what our intent is. Unless Aunt Eileen can persuade him we have been sent to rescue him by Antoinette Giry he is likely to suspect everyone of trying to capture or kill him. Even if we are able to convince him we have been sent by the woman who has protected him from the world all these years her recent actions will have him mistrusting her as well. This is a situation I foresee coming to grief for us.

We are being pushed along by a sea of moving humanity intent on going out the front doors. To fall at this point would surely mean death as hundreds of feet would trample anything under them. Fear is a palpable thing mixed with panic. Calm reason would serve us better but it is too late for that. Survival instincts have kicked in removing any civilized concerns for the wellbeing of anyone but themselves.

At last we are pushed through the doors out onto the stone entrance. Instead of heading down the steps onto the sidewalk I am being pulled to the right. All I see in front of me is the back of a red head and dark green of my aunt's dress. Around us pandemonium is still gripping the crowd as everyone searches the faces of those coming out for loved ones. The closer we get to the side of the building the thinner the crowd becomes until we are able to move much more freely. Once around the corner my hand is set free and Aunt Eileen picks up her skirts to run down the cobbled side street. I have no choice but to follow her.

The coachman jumps down ready to open the door for us. The other man sitting on the seat jumps down as well. I don't know these men but apparently my aunt does. They exchange an animated few words then turn back toward the building. A set of doors are there but there is also a set of iron gates leading down underneath the opera house. This must be the private entrance for the infamous Opera Ghost. I pray he does not come out. If we are lucky and there is justice he will have succumbed to his own devious plan.

I am only half aware of the other three arguing about moving further away as I keep my eyes trained on that set of iron gates. If I could devise a way to block it from opening I would do so without compunction. I would earn my aunt's censure but at least we would be saved from doing something I feel we will regret as that man is simply too dangerous for us to deal with on our own. He needs someone accredited to deal with mental incapacity. He should be confined in an asylum at the very least and imprisoned at the most waiting to be executed.

As explosions continue to hurl bits and pieces of debris around us I find myself siding with the two men about moving further away. Sparks have fallen very near to us and have needed to be tamped out. Glass slivers are falling like raindrops all around us. What good will it do anyone if we die in the process trying to save a man unworthy of our sympathy?

With so much happening around us it is hard to know how long we have been here. All four of us turn toward the back when we hear stumbling footsteps coming down the darkened street. Through the smoke and darkness I can make out a figure coming toward us. My heart is nearly up in my throat by the time I am able to see who it is. Antoinette stumbles toward us barely able to stand. Her face is blackened from the smoke and her dress is singed in places. Her hair is standing on end with her long braid hanging down her back. She can be excused for her unkempt look as I am sure we have faired little better than she.

Heading straight for my aunt Antoinette clutches both her arms tightly then demands in a strangled voice, "Has he come? Is he in the carriage? Please tell me. I must know if he is safe."

She is all but shaking Aunt Eileen in desperation. One would think this man meant more to her than just a protective guardian toward the man who kept her committing acts of extortion over two decades. I only have a moment to wonder if something of a romantic nature had been between the two. I remember her daughter Meg is of an age that it is possible he could be the father as no other man has been mentioned in relation to Antoinette and fathering her child Meg.

"Calm yourself Antoinette. He isn't here yet. He may not even come out this way. Have you seen Raoul and Christine? Did they make it to safety? What about Meg?" Asking one question without waiting for the other before asking another proved just how upset my aunt really was. Her calm was just a façade to help steady our nerves.

"I haven't seen any of them. I told Meg to stay above but knowing her I must conclude she followed closely behind me and Raoul. This is all my fault. I could have done something. I should have done more. If only Christine had…"

Now it was Aunt Eileen's turn to shake Antoinette as she demanded forcefully, "Stop that this instant. You are not to blame. What happened was a culmination of many factors. If blame is to be placed perhaps it should start at the beginning when Henri first received a note. He could have reported everything to the authorities. At that time Erik did not have the power he has now. He could have been stopped but Henri didn't want the negative publicity. He chose to pay. Whether it was right or wrong who is to say? Everything would have been different but at what price? Is one man's life worth any more than another's and who is qualified to make those judgments? We all did the best we could at the time. If Henri had known what would happen in later years he may have taken a different path but nothing can be changed. We must deal with our reality and do the best we can."

Putting her arm around Antoinette I watched as Aunt Eileen gave comfort to her dear friend. I wanted to join them but felt at the moment they needed one another more than I needed a reassuring arm about my shoulders. A sudden grating sound echoes off the walls interrupting the two women. We turn as one toward the gates which are being shoved open. A man nearly falls to the ground once they are opened. He is clinging precariously to the bars.

His hair is mussed and hanging over his face, The clothing covering him is singed and dirty. There is blood on his shirt and I hate to let myself think of what that could mean. Did he murder his love and her fiancée? What of Meg? Had she gone after her sister only to be murdered as well?

Letting go of the metal rod he had been gripping the man fell to his knees then forward onto his stomach. The two men my aunt hired rushed forward as did Aunt Eileen and Antoinette. I alone held back. I felt a stir of pity I deplored rising within my breast. I wanted only to feel disgust and hatred toward this man. While the others were occupied with him my attention was drawn toward where he had exited as I heard hurried footsteps approaching.

"Hurry someone is coming. Get him in the carriage and drive off if need be. I will be fine. You can come for me later or I will hire a cab. Go quickly!" I nearly shouted in my anxiety for them to be gone. I swear it is only concern for everyone else and not that maniac which brought out my protective instincts. If it were only him I'd leave him to his fate.

As they struggled to get the nearly dead weight of a very large man into the carriage I entered the darkened passageway hoping it was not an overeager policeman in pursuit ready to fire at the first target presented.

When I crashed into a solid object my scream mixed with that of another. Through my fright I ascertained that this loud pitch had to be a woman and by the size of her she was similar in build to me. I surmised this then must be Meg. Who else would be coming this way in such a hurry? Few people know how to get to this part of the building from the inside and no one uses it from the outside except for the resident ghost and phantom.

Pushing myself to my feet I bend and flail my hand around until I connect with something solid but not hard as the stone walls. Grabbing hold of cloth I say as calmly as I can, "Take hold of my hand. Are you Meg?"

"Y…y…yes. How did you know? Who are you?"

"I am a friend of your mother's or more precisely I am the niece of her friend Eileen. Come, we have little time. Explanations can be made later. Your mother is safe just outside. Please hurry. If you made your way out this way it stands to reason others will follow."

"I remember you. Helene. You used to come with Eileen for visits. I…I have his mask you know. I…I found it just sitting there. He…he can't be without his mask. Will you help me find him and Christine? I haven't seen her since…since all this began."

Wrapping my arm around her I guide her to the waiting carriage. She is in shock and doesn't know what she is saying or even realize I am leading her anywhere. She just keeps repeating the same things over and over until we have joined the others then Antoinette rushes forward to grab her daughter in a hold that will surely leave bruises if it doesn't choke her to death.

Knowing time is of the essence and it is running out silently we all climb into the carriage. The man Aunt Eileen and Antoinette call Erik is huddled in a corner shivering and mumbling to himself. He jerks away from my aunt's hand as she tries to sooth him. She settles down beside him but leaves space between them. I squeeze in beside Meg who is still wrapped in her mother's arms. At the moment I feel I could do with someone to hold me and make me feel safe. Resentfully I watch as my aunt lays her hand gently on the shoulder of the man beside her. Soothingly she whispers to him like she would a frightened child or animal.

It will be a very long trip home and the sun will be well on its way to midday before we are safe and sound, hopefully in our own beds.

**A/N: Opinions are most welcome.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

**Settling In** _**Eileen**_

The trip through the night was no less uncomfortable than I imagined it would be. Well perhaps slightly so as I had not foreseen Meg joining us. I am glad for Antoinette's sake that she did make it out to us. Although not of our plan it did work out for the best. I know how worried Antoinette would have been, not knowing just what, if anything, had befallen Meg.

I find that my heart is pained by what I know of this man Erik. It is true he has done terrible things but terrible things done to him have played a part in how he reacts to those around him. From what Antoinette has told me he rarely if ever left the confines of the opera house once he had entrenched himself in the lower levels. At first he would not let me even comfort him by laying my hand on his arm. Slowly as I continued to speak softly he let me rest my hand with a feather light touch on his upper arm. I stroked it up and down once I let him get accustomed to my touch. He is like a wild animal fearing humankind. We are of the same species and yet not the same.

I can remember how Henri both hated and in some strange way admired the man behind all those demands. He told me that there was a real genius just waiting for a guiding hand to show him the way. If his health had not begun to suffer from all the strain I do think he would have found a way to bring this Erik person into the theatre fold properly. It is strange to think his name Erik and know that he has likely not been called that since he first came to the opera house. Antoinette told me he would not let her call him by his given name as time passed and they spent less time together. Probably he felt it kept her at a distance and protected himself from eventual pain.

By the look on Helene's face I know I shall have problems from her. I know she feels sympathy just as I do but she is more pigheaded and strong willed than I am. With having her heart trampled on by her fiancée in such a public way all those years ago she is not feeling kindly disposed toward men. I would have thought she would have gotten over that hurt at some point in the last six years. I did not care for the young man she gave her heart to but as only her aunt by marriage I had little say in the matter. At sixteen she was too young to commit to something so important in her life. Frederick had been some ten years older and very much more sophisticated than Helene had been. I suppose it had been her large dowry that had caught his eye. Once another woman with something more lucrative came along he had left poor brokenhearted Helene without looking back once.

She has not been the same sweet girl she once was since her one foray into the game of romance. Guarding her heart has become a top priority for her. Men are sent away with their tails tucked between their legs constantly. She has a steady stream of admirers each hoping to be the one to change her mind but none have succeeded thus far. It will take a special man to unlock her heart. Sometimes I fear that man will never come or if he does she will have entrenched herself behind so many barriers he will not be able to find a way through to her softer inner core.

Nearly two hours have gone by since we left Paris. In a few minutes we will be turning through the gates to my estate. Everything has been made ready. Not knowing exactly what shape my guest would be in I have made contingencies for all manner of things.

Everything from drugs, medical supplies as well as restraints have been outfitted in a room near the attic. I will be the only one with a key so as not to have any unfortunate encounters. He hasn't asked for his mask and Meg hasn't offered it. I feel she is still in shock and doesn't even realize that it is clutched between her hands. She hasn't spoken since taking a seat inside the carriage. Antoinette has murmured to her much in the same way I spoke to Erik.

The gates to my home have never been a more welcome sight than they are now. Soon we can all breathe a sigh of relief once we are all settled. I do think Erik will have a very unsettling night. What with losing his beloved Christine and his home as well he must feel as if the world has toppled down and buried him in the rubble of his life. In a few days the subject of Christine and Raoul will have to be addressed. We don't know if they made it out safely. I suppose I could pen a short enquiry to Raoul's mother. As a friend of mine it would not be out of the ordinary to ask after her son after such a tragedy. I am certain he will send a telegram if he doesn't immediately go home.

From what Antoinette has intimated about the relationship between the two lovers a quick and quiet wedding might be best. If something should occur they would not be the first couple to have anticipated their nuptials and have an unexpected arrival some seven or eight months after the wedding.

Normally having so many guests would not even cause a ripple in my household but under the circumstances my servants are on edge just as everyone inside the carriage is showing signs of distress in varying degrees. We must get Erik up those four flights of stairs then into his room before too many servants see him and begin to ask questions I would rather not have posed. Of course only those servants employed for many years will feel comfortable enough to even broach the subject but one will be enough to set my nerves on edge until I can gather my thoughts and tell everyone at once just what will be taking place over the next few weeks or perhaps even months.

"Robert, take him to the room we have prepared. Administer the sleeping draft as I instructed you before. He needs to rest more than anything at the moment. At the moment he is docile but we can't be careless. He may try to harm himself or someone else if he feels we pose a threat."

Turning toward Andrew, I instruct him with gentle authority, "Take Madame Giry and her daughter to the kitchen and have cook prepare them a meal. Tell Emily to prepare rooms for them and make sure they are comfortable once they have eaten. Tell them to send a tray to the top floor using the dumbwaiter. Have it set for two. Once everyone has been taken care of please return here and assist Robert in settling Monsieur Erik."

Erik slumped in a chair uncaring of the world around him or its occupants. The others must be settled first then we will deal with our patient. If I tell myself often enough he is only a poor soul needing some tender healing then I may be able to keep my heart from becoming involved more than is good for me. Too often it lands me in trouble and under Helene's disapproving glare. I love the girl dearly but sometimes she is too rigid when dealing with the weakness of her fellow man.

I felt like a mother hen as Robert wrapped his arm around Erik's waist. He still remained docile and cooperative. I believe he is shock just as the rest of us are but he and Meg are the only ones to be near catatonic from the experience we have had just a few short hours ago. The sun has long since gone behind the hills and it is getting dark once more by the time all our tasks are complete. The lanterns are all lit outside which makes it easier to do what must be done outside. All evidence of our trip to Paris must be removed. All we need is for some bounty hunter snooping around.

Robert is shorter than Erik and not quite as sturdy so he is having a time holding him up. He waves off Andrew's offer to help. Robert is a man jealous of anyone trying to usurp his position. He will tackle any task with zeal just to please others. I would rather head straight upstairs and begin tending to my charge but certain proprieties must be adhered to so as not to upset anyone's sensibilities. Normally I wouldn't care but just now I need everyone's cooperation and not their silent disapproving censure. I do believe I will get enough of that from Helene in the coming days.

"Antoinette please let the servants know if you need anything. Ask one of them to rummage in the storage trunks for some clothing and have it airing while you eat. Your beds will be ready by then. Tomorrow we will have a long talk, I promise." I give her a tight hug and we kiss each other's cheeks. If I had been blessed with a sister I would want her to be just like Antoinette. We are the best of friends and closer than many siblings. I do believe now would be an opportune time to tell her about my illness and the doctors prognosis. I will hate to burden her but it may be the only chance I get if she and Meg have to leave France to obtain work. I could subsidize them but I know she would refuse just as she always has before. She is a proud woman.

Turning to Helene I ask hopefully, "Helene will you please play hostess while I tend to our injured guest?" I can tell by the stubborn set of her mouth she is going to refuse or at least try to.

"Aunt Eileen this man is a criminal." When she realizes how loudly she has spoken she lowers her voice then continues, "Who knows if he is even stable after what has happened. We all know how slight his grasp on reality was before and now there is more reason for him to have completely slipped over the edge."

"Please Helene, I have never asked you for anything but I am asking for your help now. Don't do it for him but for me. It is something I feel strongly is meant to be. He has been placed in my care for a reason and I will not toss him to those who would string him up then make apologies later. Please show a little Christian charity. Do this and I shall never ask another single thing of you. Have I not done everything in my power to assure your life has been one of ease since your uncle's passing?"

I should feel shame for begging in such a way but I feel it is necessary to gain her promise to do what she must. I know how much she cared for Henri and also know she bears guilt for having left him to chase after that no good ex fiancée. I know how it upset her to learn how ill her uncle actually was during her absence.

I almost relent when I see the quiver of her bottom lip just like it used to do when she was a child and we scolded her. Before I can withdraw my request she straightens her posture and draws back her shoulders proudly then says with quiet dignity, "You shall have my full support as to my duties during this time but let it be known you shall not ever have my approval. Set your mind at ease. I will do all I can to ensure everyone is made welcome and comfortable until such time as you can attend to them yourself."

I try to catch her eye but she is avoiding eye contact. I know she is miffed with me and will be uncommunicative for a few days until she cools down. Perhaps having guests to tend to will sweeten her attitude toward me. Maybe it will take her mind off of her objections to Erik for a while until things settle down.

Grabbing the first thing I lay my hands on I strip down once I am inside my own bedroom. Forgoing my corset is a blessing in disguise. I'll need to be able to move about freely and those undergarments fashion demands women wear are very restrictive to ones movements.

I haven't worn this simple gardening dress since Henri began to show signs of illness and I no longer spent time in the garden tending to what I considered my own little patch of heaven. Spring is just around the corner and I think I would like to work outdoors again. If I am successful in getting Erik to trust me perhaps he will join me.

Long before I have reached the floor where Erik has been taken I can hear hysterical screams and shouting that sends chills up and down my spine. The cries are almost inhuman. Several curses are being hurled at humanity in general and Erik's supposed captor in particular. He thinks he is imprisoned I suppose because of the restraints. Oh the things he is threatening to do to us all once he is free does give me pause to reconsider entering the room. Would any sane person be able to commit such atrocities as he claims he will do?

Opening the door I almost find myself giving into cowardice as Erik turns his fiery green gaze toward me. Spittle is running down his chin and he is thrashing wildly trying to break free. I don't think he knows he is in a home and not in prison. The words he is hurling at me and Robert are not something as a lady I have ever heard at least not having anyone scream them directly toward me. Poor young Andrew is pressed against the wall nearest to the door. My guess is as soon as all eyes are turned away from him he'll exit the room and quite possibly the estate as well.

Using a method my grandmother used on me as child when I would throw tantrums, I stride up to Erik and slap him across the face. I don't know who is more startled, Erik or Robert. Before he can let his anger rise to such a level again I fold my hands in front of me to show him I won't be striking him again. Calmly I speak to him.

"Erik." At his jolt of surprise that I know his given name I smile slightly then continue, "Erik you are here for your protection. We mean you no harm. Do you remember seeing Antoinette when we put you in the carriage?" I realize by his puzzled look he doesn't think of her as having any other name than Madame Giry. That would stem back to his attempt to keep her at arm's length.

"Madame Giry asked that I make a place ready for you in case the need should arise. You are not a prisoner and this is not a prison. The restraints are merely for our protection as well as yours while you are under...such strain."

"Madame Giry, that traitorous whore lead my enemy straight to my door. Release me immediately or suffer the consequences once I am free and make no mistake I will be free again. No one can hold me prisoner, not ever again."

When he rattled the chains about his wrist I did jump but managed to hold back the scream that rose to my throat. Even Robert gasped at the sudden ferocity of Erik's response to what had been a civil conversation or what constitutes for civil as one is tied up because of fear for what actions the one tied might take if not restrained.

"Release me damn you. Release…me," he said as his voice trailed off into a sobbing plea instead of the ferocious demand he had made earlier. Turning away his head he sobs so hard his whole body shakes. I cannot bear to see him like this. Whispering to Robert I ask to be left alone. As expected he protests.

"But Madame, do you think that is wise? What if he should do something to harm you?" Robert casts a baleful glance toward Erik as if he had already committed some heinous act toward me.

"What can he do? He is chained and the sedative should begin to take effect. If not, I'll give him a bit more. Once he is malleable I will remove his clothing and wash him and you can stop looking so scandalized. You will be needed downstairs with the extra people in the house. I will be fine. If I find he is too unmanageable I will come and fetch you myself."

"Well I don't like it but I can see there will be no changing your mind." With a courtly bow suited for a man far above his station he left me alone with my charge.

Sitting on the side of the bed brought an immediate response from Erik. He growls and moves as far from me as his chains will allow. I raise my hand toward his face and he shies away as if he believes I might strike him. Reaching out once more I touch his forehead with only the tips of my fingers. He stills instantly waiting to see what pain I might be going to inflict. I know he expects nothing but the worst as Antoinette has told me a little of his past and what she did not tell me I could guess.

"Don't please, don't touch me. You shouldn't touch me. I am a monster not fit to be with humanity. I destroy everything and everyone who comes within my reach."

"Nonsense, Erik. I won't dispute you have done terrible things and those acts were monstrous but you are no more a monster than I am. What is done is done and now it is up to you to decide if you wish to continue with the lonely bleak life you lead before or perhaps try to live a life worthy of the great composer of so many fine works. I do remember when Henri received several of your compositions. He would never tell you this but he admired your talent greatly. If you hadn't been such a wicked ghost perhaps the two of you could have worked something out."

He had stopped trying to pull away from me. I continued to run my hands over his face. The ruined side felt leathery and the ridges were quite pronounced. It did not feel overly warm despite being red as if he had been burned. The right eye drooped so it looked larger and disproportionate to his face. Where the scaring ran up into his hairline he had patches of bald skin. He didn't seem to feel any pain as I explored him in fact he leaned his face into my hand and closed his eyes tightly.

I stilled my movements in fear of breaking the spell. When I did not continue to caress his face he opened his eyes. I had never seen so much sorrow contained in one person in my life. I round my own eyes shimmering with tears ready to fall in sympathy to his pain.

"She is gone you know. I let her go. I let them both go. I did not think I could but I did. It had been my plan to end it all if she did not choose me but in the end she kissed me. My angel touched my face with her hands and lips and kissed me as a woman kisses a man she feels passion toward. After that I could not keep her. She did it to save him, to save the Vicomte. He can give her what I can not. Do you think she will remember me and perhaps sometimes think of her Angel of Music with pleasant remembrance rather than the fear and loathing of tonight? Can so many years as her loving angel be wiped from her memory by one night of horrendous mistakes? I will not blame her if she never speaks of me again or never asks what happened to me. I do not deserve any kindness from her or anyone. I used to be The Devil's Child you know. I think my father came to claim me tonight."

He paused and closed his eyes before continuing in a voice so broken and defeated it pained me to hear him. "No, I can't blame what I did on my past. I knew it was wrong yet I arrogantly thought it was my right to do whatever I had to do to win Christine. Love, true love, cannot be forced or used as a bargaining chip. The sad part of this, the part which breaks my heart and leaves me wallowing in misery, is that I do honestly believe she felt something for me. I could see it in her eyes as she left me. When she came back I could feel the words hovering in the air between us that she wanted to stay with me. I even told her once more that I loved her. In the end she saw me as I truly am, a man with no conscience or morality. In the end perhaps everyone was right. I am not fit to be among normal people. If God had any mercy he would not have let me live past my first breath. Release me, please, so I can do what God did not."

"Erik I know it doesn't seem so now but things will look brighter. Your poor heart will mend. Give yourself time. Let me help you to mend both mentally and physically. Let me do this one good thing before…well before God decides I have spent too much time prattling instead of cleaning your wounds and making you comfortable."

The sedative must be starting to work as his eyes are drifting closed. I am glad of that as I don't think either of us would be comfortable with what I needed to do next. At least if he is not looking at me I can glow like the sun with embarrassment and no one will be the wiser.

Stroking my hand over his face I silently promise him to do whatever I can to help mend his heart but most importantly his soul.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Since I received a few very prompt reviews I am posting this next chapter. Enjoy.**

**Chapter Four**

**Learning to Trust **

_**Erik**_

I think it has been two days I have been in this odd woman's home. I cannot be certain as most of the time delirium has taken over. She may be normal in most circumstances but for anyone to treat me as if I were normal they must be an oddity. Upon regaining my faculties I have ascertained that she deemed it safer to keep me sedated and chained. How wise she is. Were I to gain my freedom, they would all suffer my wrath.

I awoke to find myself cleaned and clothed in garments I do not recognize. My mask I know I left sitting beside the monkey music box or at least that is what I remember. Things are not as clear as I would wish them to be. I wonder how much of what I do remember is actual memories or something my mind has conjured.

In any case it is as well I am confined as I have always been one to strike out first at any perceived danger. There were times when I committed some violence where none had been called for. My anger at the world around me and all those people above going about their lives not knowing how blessed they were to spend life with the sun on their faces and loved ones by their sides is not something anyone wishes unleashed upon the world. Me, I had none of that easy priviliged life. Only hatred and fear have ever been my constant companions. Christine claimed in those last moments that it is my very soul which is distorted and not only my face. Perhaps that is true. Judging by my past it is likely I would murder everyone within this household should I break free of my restraints.

A part of me knows that this is only mind bluster as I don't think I have the stomach for violence just yet, not against anyone, not even de Chagny or Madame Giry. Later once my heart quits its internal bleeding I might find my vengeful side has returned. For the moment it is all I can do not to sob out in my agony. Closing my eyes gives me no relief. If I could live forever without one second of sleep I believe I could die a happy man or at least what happiness someone such as I might find in life. As hard as I try I cannot recall any time in my life where I felt happy. Not even those moments when I composed music gave me any real or lasting joy. What joy is there in music no one hears? I have cursed Lefèvre over the years for not performing any of my music. Well, the one time I managed to get one of my operas to be performed it was the time I lost what little of my mind I had left. If that is what love does to a person I shall be quite willing to live out the rest of my days never experiencing it again.

Of course I am lying. To have even one day I spent with Christine back again I would sell my soul if the devil did not already hold the deed to that worthless entity. Always before when something caused me distress it would leave me quickly as I pushed back any hurt and let my anger take the place of any softer feelings I might wish to display. Striking out first is a lesson I learned early in my life and it served me well for many years. Only with Christine did I offer comfort and solace with no expectation of anything in return. In the beginning I did have altruistic intentions. Only later when my mind became clouded by lust and vengeance did things change. I wanted more than to be her Angel of Music. I wanted to be a man in her eyes.

Everything I did in my opera house I did to prove I was a man. My appearance except for my face looked just as any fine gentleman might look on any given evening at the opera. I have learned table manners fit for any nobleman's table. My knowledge of the arts and science worlds is extensive. I pride myself on learning as much as I can. I have read extensively and although I have not traveled in reality I have done so in my mind. There is not a place known to the world that I have not visited in spirit.

The rattling of keys alerts me to the doors opening. It will be the woman. No one else comes in here. I hear someone outside the door during those times she comes to bring me a tray of food or wipe me with a wet cloth. I had staved off relieving any of my bodily functions as long as I could that first night. As time dragged on and I remained chained to the bed it became paramount that I relieve myself or burst. When I demanded to be let loose so I could make use of the facilities that damn woman refused me. Oh she did so in a very gentle and commiserating tone but refuse me she did. Her solution was to bring a bedside chamber pot complete with cabinet for my use.

When those two men brought it in if I could have struck her dead I would have. I had raged at all of them and cursed them in the vilest of terms to no avail. My embarrassment rivaled my humiliation and rage to be treated so. Calming down when she merely stood by the bed with her hands folded looking serenely at me lessoned my anger until the fire slowly burned down then went completely cold.

"Now that that is over I shall release your feet and one of your wrists. You should be able to reach…well to use…that." Well, so she is not as placid and unperturbed as she would have me believe. She can be ruffled even if it is only her sensibilities that are disturbed.

I could have strangled her then taken the keys from her but something, something I could not name, held me back from any violence toward her. I do not know what influence she has over my murderous side or if I am only weakened by my misery over losing Christine but I am willing to explore just what it is this woman has done to me. I do not feel as if a spell has been cast on me or a mind altering drug has been slipped past my lips. Whatever I am experiencing it is something new and perplexing.

For now I am content to stay here. This is a more congenial place than I imagined I would be held if anyone ever captured me. Strangely I do not feel as if I am a prisoner even if I am shackled to a bed and not able to move about at will. When she leaned over me to release my bonds the key ring dangled temptingly just in front of my face. It would have been so easy to reach out and take them and she would not have known as I could have silenced her permanently. I had looked up to catch her watching me with a knowing look upon her face that set me on edge. I disliked having someone think they know me that well. What does she really know of me? No one knows me. At times even I do not think I am aware of all I am capable of achieving.

Our rocky beginning gives way to cautious acceptance, on my part at least. Being a curious minded person I am intrigued to learn what she has in store for me. Everyone wants something. What does she want from her pet Erik? One hint of betrayal on her part and the will rue the day her path crossed with mine.

Today I hope to learn more about her. I am intrigued to say the least. I cannot remember anyone being so complacent in my company. Not even Christine had been easy in my company and we had been together every day for the last twenty years. Of course she did think me an angel in the beginning and then later she knew me to be the Opera Ghost and Phantom. We never openly said anything but I am sure she knew once I began sending her the roses with a black ribbon tied around the stem that I had more of corporeal reality to me than angelic temperament or ghoulish phantom. The gifts I sent were gifts a man courting a woman would send his intended and not anything an angel might give even if they did such things.

I still have one chain around my wrist but if I put my mind to it I could pick the lock quite easily. I don't know what keeps me here other than curiosity and knowing that I have no place to go. My home is likely to be nothing more than a pile of burned debris. I have funds which could take me anywhere I wish to go but no place at the moment holds any interest for me. I barely care whether I wake in the mornings. I have not even summoned the energy to demand a mask be provided for me or a wig to cover the sparsely covered part of my scalp. That is the level of my indifference. I care nothing about what she has seen. In the past to even see me with my means of disguise intact could lead to someone dying or being frightened so badly they ran from the opera house proclaiming to have seen the Devil himself.

"Well Erik and how are you feeling today? I have brought you a nice piece of roasted chicken, fresh green beans with garlic and butter potatoes and for dessert a piece of freshly baked apple pie."

She had my mouth salivating at the mention of the chicken. Listening to the rest of the menu I felt ready to beg like a dog for the plate I saw on a tray. Thinking she might withhold my food if I remained churlish and sullen I said with as much congeniality as I could manage, "I am wonderful." Lifting my wrist and rattling the chains I could not help one sarcastic gibe at her as I say, "I must recommend you to the government as your prison is by far the best I have ever experienced."

Contrarily she laughs and replies with good humor, "Oh Erik you know very well this is not a prison and you are not a prisoner. In fact you have regained your calm to the extent I am thinking of removing your restraints and you can decide whether to stay or go. Would that be to your liking?"

"Woman you jest. To be free of all restraints is a gift to be cherished. I know all too well what it is to be chained and caged." I had not meant to elaborate to that extent. Not many know the part of my past I try so hard to forget. Madame Giry of course had witnessed only one night of it firsthand. I thank God she felt compassion toward me that night rather than the fear I would have expected after having witnessed me strangling the man keeping me in a cage so he could parade crowds through the tent to gawk, point and scream at me. Over the five years I had been with the fair I lost count of the number of times I felt the lash of his whip across my back.

I almost choked on my own surprise when she sat down on the bed beside me. For a few moments she just looked at me, all of me from head to toe. I felt like wriggling around under her concentrated perusal. I am not comfortable with anyone looking at me even when I wear the mask and wig.

I could not keep from flinching when she raised her hand toward my face. Momentarily she paused as if waiting to see what I would do. When I merely sat with my head turned slightly away she placed her fingertips on my ruined flesh in a way that had become oddly familiar and dare I say, pleasant? As much as I wanted to move away from her touch I wanted to bury my face in the palm of her hand. What would it be like to have this every day, to have a woman love me enough to be blinded by my ugliness? I had thought it would be Christine at my side until our last sunset but now I am beginning to wonder if I ever really believed that.

Right now I am suffering too much to examine my emotions beyond that I hurt like hell. I miss her so much. There has not been a day in the last twenty or so years I have not awakened and known I would see her and she would be excitedly waiting for me to speak to her from every corner of whatever room we choose as our meeting place. I had learned to cast my voice so that it sounded as if it came from any place I chose for someone to hear it. I try not to think of those weeks she spent under the care of her little Vicomte. I know what happened during her time away and find it hard to reconcile my image of her as purity personified with the image of her willingly lying in her lovers arms. A lover that had not been me.

"Erik can I tell you something and have you believe what I say?" Hesitantly I nod my head wondering if I am only giving the response she wishes. Having received her answer a small smile crosses her lips before she says, "I promise I will never lie to you no matter what the circumstances. I will never betray a confidence. Once my word is given I honor my promise. Do you believe me? Will you trust me?"

I would rather there be silence between us and for her to keep touching me in this gentle manner. Even her soft voice wafts around me, soothing my inner turmoil. Her presence eases my pain in a way I would not have thought possible. If it means listening to her speak in the same tones I am willing to listen. I cannot speak for fear of sobbing out loud my gratitude for her kindness to a loathsome beast such as I. I nod once in acquiescence.

"I want you to listen to me closely. I don't think you are a horrid person, not really. You have done horrible things and for that there will be some restitution needing to be paid to balance the universe. If one looks at your life one might be forgiven for thinking that you have already paid a heavy price for retaining a modicum of what others have. It could be argued that you have served a twenty year prison sentence by burying yourself beneath the opera house," she pauses waiting for a comment that will never come.

After a short silence she continues, "Granted the accommodations were better than many prisons but still it was a prison, one filled with minimal luxury. Erik I don't claim to know all there is to know about you nor will I demand you regale me with every miniscule detail. I know enough to form an opinion and what I have concluded is that you deserve a second chance at life. I intend to see that you get that chance. What you do with it is up to you. You will need to think long and hard just what it is you would like out of life then we can set about procuring your dreams but please do not include Christine in any of your plans."

When I growled in warning she stopped for a moment then continued, "Now none of that. You have to know it is not meant for you to be with Christine. Any fool could see how much in love they are and Erik if there is one thing you are not, it is a fool, foolish yes, but not a fool."

She patted my shoulder in what I suppose could be called an affectionate manner then rose to her feet. She looked down at me with a soft look on her face that nearly brought the humiliating tears to my eyes once more. All of this tenderness she is showing me is overwhelming. I am confused as to what reason she is showing me such thoughtfulness. No one else ever had, not even my own mother.

"Think about things overnight. I'll unlock your last restraint and if you are still here in the morning we will talk seriously about your future."

For a brief moment when she has unlocked the last chain holding me the urge to escape nearly has me pushing her to the floor then fleeing the room. Something held me in place. I cannot say what but it was more powerful than my need to be free. What have I done? What have I committed myself to? Whatever happens in the future at least it will be by my own choice and not forced on me by others or circumstance.

For that, I shall be eternally grateful to this oddly wonderful woman.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

**Water and Oil**__

_**Helene**_

What my aunt has just relayed to us at the dinner table has quite frankly driven the thought of eating right out of our minds. Antoinette, Meg and I stare at Aunt Eileen as if she has lost her mind and in my opinion she began to lose it the moment Antoinette asked for her assistance with the man she kept hidden and my aunt agreed to give whatever aid she could.

"You can't be serious Aunt Eileen. What is to keep him from murdering us in our beds, robbing the house of its valuables then slipping away in the dead of night never to be seen again?"

"Oh don't be so melodramatic. He could have broken out of that flimsy manacle around his wrist anytime he chose once his strength returned and his mind regained clarity. Antoinette knows how clever he is and how handy he is with picking locks."

"Dear God I am glad I did not know how cavalierly you are willing to treat our lives. How could you put us all at risk in this way? This is insane. You know him better than anyone Antoinette. Tell her we should alert the servants and have them arm themselves against this murderous man."

Antoinette looked down at her plate then shifted in her seat before she looked directly at me with conviction to say, "I know he has done bad things but that was in retaliation for things done to him. If he intended to harm any of us we would have been dead that first night once he had calmed enough to think and plan. He is an escape artist among other things. Eileen, I give you my blessing to do whatever you think will best serve him. He has never had anyone other than me on his side and look how ineffectual I have been."

"Maman, it isn't your fault you could not do more. You did your best by him even going so far as sacrificing your life to serve him. We need not have stayed in Paris once…once papa died. You could have gotten work anywhere and I could have danced in England or Italy just as I did in Paris."

My ears had perked up at the mention of Meg's father. Perhaps I had been hasty to assign that sin to Erik. I don't know why I find it easy to think of him as Erik. I haven't seen him since he entered through the front door. I have gone upstairs with Aunt Eileen a few times but she has forbidden me to enter the room with her. If I didn't know better I'd think she had developed feelings toward the man. It isn't beyond the realm of possibility. He is just the sort of broken man that would appeal to her need to heal the world.

"Bless you Meg and I do know that but it is so hard to reconcile my feelings toward him with the actions he has taken lately. Before, it was just harmless demands and pranks to frighten everyone. He kept people from going into the lower cellars to look for him."

I could see she cared a great deal for him and it must be difficult to make the choice between Christine, her adopted daughter and the man she had saved as a boy. I don't envy her for having this burden. I doubt I could have sacrificed as she had as I do feel at times I am selfish, not cruel just self-involved.

"Antoinette you did an amazing thing and Meg you should be proud of your mother. Not many would do what she did at such a young age. She is not all that much older than Erik." Aunt Eileen stopped just as she was about to reveal just how old Antoinette was. To me she looked even younger than my aunt. I did not miss the secretive smile that passed between the two women. Antoinette's secret would be taken to the grave as far as my aunt was concerned.

"I agree she did an amazing thing but now he has proven that he does not deserve to be treated with anything other than contempt. What assurances do we have that we can lie in our beds and not be murdered while we sleep? The man is a murderous maniac." I couldn't help but ask that question again as I felt it bore repeating, nor could I hold my tongue as I told them exactly how I felt about the man.

I had been about to say something else when I noticed the petrified looks on Antoinette's and Meg's faces. I felt a prickling between my shoulder blades as if someone gauged just where to stick the dagger. I knew what or rather who held them afraid to even breathe.

"You may close your eyes tonight and have no fear I will do any of you harm." I have to give Aunt Eileen credit she didn't so much as bat an eyelash when Erik addressed us from the dining room doorway. I refused to turn and look at him. In truth I felt a little frightened by his presence just behind me. His physical presence disturbed me on many levels. None I cared to examine closely.

My aunt nearly toppled her chair rushing to go to Erik. I didn't have to look to know that she had put her arm through his to guide him to the table. What I hadn't expected was that she would place him in the chair next to mine. To say I was flustered would be an understatement. I wasn't nearly as confident or brave as I liked to pretend.

Stopping at the chair beside me I heard Aunt Eileen nearly coo, "Please take this seat beside Helene Erik. I am sure the two of you will find something interesting to discuss. She loves the opera." If a silence can be loud this one fairly clanged with disjointed cacophonous sounds as we all waited for Erik to react to the reference to the opera and what hurtful emotions it might bring to mind.

"Oh Erik I am so sorry. Please forgive me. I didn't….'

"Calm yourself Madame Lefèvre. We may speak of the opera without any…without my going into a rage."

"Well that isn't what I meant at all. I just felt…Oh dear I should stop before I am mired down up to my neck in apologies. Please be seated and I shall ring for a servant to bring you a plate."

When he sat beside me I could no more stop myself from stealing a look at him than I could stop breathing. I nearly gasped at the change just a few days had brought about in his demeanor and appearance. He had fashioned a mask out of some dark silk cloth. I do believe it is the exact color of the coverlet in the spare bedroom. My aunt must have given him some clothing as well because he had on proper attire for a man about to dine at a civilized table.

Getting to see him this close and while he retained his sanity I had to agree he did pose a striking figure even with the hidden side of his face giving one pause for thought. I tried to recall what it looked like but found it hard to bring it to mind with him so close and exuding some male power over me and the others. Forcing my mind to recall all the details of his nefarious deeds lest I fall victim to his questionable charms, I shored the wall of my defenses against him.

The next hour became surreal as Erik sat beside me and conversed with everyone just as if this was any normal meal on any normal day. Had we all been infected with his madness? This wasn't normal, he wasn't normal. He was a murdering psychopath masquerading as a gentleman of a sane manner. I couldn't let everyone remain under his spell. What would prevent him from luring us into a false sense of security then murdering us in some gruesome way? Having his presence so close to me jangled my nerves and disturbed me in a way I could not understand. All of what I felt did not stem from fear or my personal demand for justice. No, what I felt every time he spoke or any part of him accidentally touched me left me confused but not frightened or disgusted. I had to do something to stop this from developing any further. To that end I posed a question I knew would draw his anger and hatred toward me.

"So tell me Erik, I may call you Erik, or perhaps you would prefer Opera Ghost? Or no, wait let me see, are you not also the infamous Phantom of the Opera?"

I didn't spare him anything nor give him time to collect his senses as I went straight for the jugular. I knew what would hurt him the most. I wanted him to react like a crazed fiend and show everyone that he did not belong here nor did he deserve their consideration.

"What I would like to know is now that you proved to the world and Christine most assuredly that you are only a man, one not worthy of her pity or affection, what do you propose to do now? How will you reconcile taking so many lives in a poor attempt to gain her affections? Making a fool of yourself in front of Paris wasn't enough for you. You had to literally bring down the opera house in flames. Will you now pursue Christine and Raoul adding to their already distressed situation? Will you now haunt them although clearly she wants nothing to do with you? Tell us please Erik; was it worth everything to at last know that you are not fit to live in society? How you lived in seclusion is exactly how you should have lived and how you should continue to live."

With my chest heaving I waited for him to strike out at me, to show them just what sort of evil person he was. When nothing came from him I had to turn to see what effect my truthful but cruel words had been. I wasn't prepared for the broken look upon his face. Agony such as I had never witnessed drew lines in his face. I saw anger there as well but I believe the pain kept him locked in place unable to react in any physical way.

"Helene! How could you? I am ashamed to claim you as a member of my family at this moment. You have never been one for cruelty, why now? You will leave the table and wait for me in your room. We will go into this further at a later time. Right now I have to mend the wounds you have inflicted with your careless tongue."

Hearing my aunt speaking to me in this way in front of witnesses hurt me unbearably. We had always been able to communicate without anger or harsh words between us. Now she was not only angry but disappointed in my behavior. Could she not see, could they all not see I did it to save us? They are under his spell and it will be our doom I am certain. Without another word I pick up my skirts and with as much dignity as I can manage I leave the room and head directly to my room. Locking the door behind me I lean against the solid frame.

When she comes to speak to me I have determined I will greet her with silence. I won't let her give me a dressing down because of some man not worthy of her time. No one can see him for what he is so it is up to me to be the one to retain sanity and order. I will save them as it seems they are not willing to save themselves.

I can't seem to remove Erik's stricken look from my mind. An uneasy feeling is filling my mind with doubt. I did the right thing, the only thing I could to expose him. If Aunt Eileen had not spoken when she had I am sure he would have given the reaction I knew him to be capable of making. His rage is infamous among the opera house staff. There have been so many recounting tales of horrible things he has done to people over the years. He has not been known for his leniency when some perceived wrong had been committed. After what I did and the blatant attempt to humiliate him why am I not dead? Why are there not now marks of strangulation about my throat? I baited him with enough to have him willing to kill me without a thought and yet he let me leave the room without so much as a word or even a look in my direction.

A feeling of shame is coming over me but I will not let it take hold. I am right in my belief that he is dangerous and should be turned in to the authorities to deal with. Eventually they will all learn that I am right I just hope that it is not too late when the knowledge comes to light.

I am right and yet why do tears trickle down wetting my cheeks? Why do I feel like the lion that maimed the lamb? Raising my hands I brush angrily at the proof of my weakness. I will not faulter. I will be strong. If I must stand alone then alone I shall be. He will not win over my better judgment.

**A/N: When I first wrote this chapter and every time I edited it I brought myself to tears. I know the story and yet I still cry over Helene's rigidly cruel outlook.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

**Healing the Heart's Wounds **

_**Eileen**_

I have not been so close to smacking my niece's face as I was tonight. I watched her leave the room with anger and dislike for the first time being directed at her from me. I would never have believed she could be so cruel as she was toward Erik. To bring up Christine, Helene had to know would rub salt into open wounds. His heart has not had time to mend. It has only been a few days since his world came down around him. He is a lost soul with nothing to anchor him. He has not had guidance of any kind in his life. The only moral compass he has had has been his own with no one to teach him how to get what he wants by honest means.

When he rose then turned to leave I wanted to call him back but knew he needed to get away before he broke down. Tears had not been far away I could tell by the look on his face. Helene had crushed him in the cruelest way possible. I know why she feels the way she does and also know there is some validity to what she says but I cannot reconcile that with the defeated look on Erik's face.

Pushing away from the table I stand and address my two remaining guests, "Antoinette, Meg, I must offer my sincerest apologies for my niece's poor manners. Please remain and enjoy the rest of the meal. I am going to try to console Erik as best as I can. If you will excuse me I will leave you in the capable hands of the servants. Don't hesitate to ask for anything you need."

"Eileen don't you think it best to leave him for a while? I know he didn't react violently as we expected but that doesn't mean he won't once he has time to process things. He is unstable at the best of times. Please reconsider approaching him tonight. Let him deal with his emotions alone."

"Hasn't that been a part of the problem all along? He has been left alone far too much. There are times when we all need to be alone but for the most part we are creatures who like to share our misery. We like to commiserate with others about what troubles us. Erik has not had that opportunity. Always he has dealt with things on his own. I would like for him to know he is not alone any longer. If he wishes to remain alone that is one thing but I want him to know it will be his choice."

"I can see you have made up your mind. You are a braver soul than I have been. As much as I would have liked to offer Erik more something always held me back. I can't say it was fear exactly but something close to that. Maybe I just lacked courage. Whatever the case I let him down and I am shamed by that knowledge."

"Antoinette you have no reason to feel shame. You did what you could at a time when your own life had taken a few sad turns in the road. Later we will talk more but right now I must go to him before he becomes so entrenched in his morose thoughts no one can connect with him."

I didn't wait for her to reply as really there was nothing further she could say. I hurried up the stairs slowing as my chest began to burn. I had to pause and heave in a great lungful of air. It had been a while since I had an attack of this sort and hoped it would not become a full fledged battle to breath. The burning sensation receded and I found it easier to drag in air. At a slower pace I continued up the stairs. It would do no one any good if I expired here on the stairs without completing my task.

Even before I reached Erik's room I heard the sobs. Not just normal sobbing but the sort that sounds as if one's very soul is being torn from the inside out. Helene has much to answer for but that will come later. For now I must tend to Erik and try to ease his suffering in any way I can. For someone I have known for such a short time he has captured me in a way I had not felt since my dear Henri had been alive. Even as I tried to deny the sexual attraction I felt for Erik deep inside of me I knew that a spark had been lit within me one that hadn't had even the slightest glow since Henri passed.

I wasted no time on preliminaries. I had to try to give him comfort. I didn't know if he would accept my tender mercies or kill me out of angry revenge. It is clear he has not known any kindness or been exposed to the softer side of life. The wonder of it all is that he would even develop those tender feelings for Christine. No one had shown him how to love or how to build a relationship on those emotions.

As expected he wrenched violently away from me and cursed me soundly and the world in general. He didn't strike out at me or ask me to leave just cursed at me I suppose because I had witnessed so much of his humiliation and had not my own niece degraded him in a very public way? His pride must be near to nonexistent. He was prideful, this I knew well but he did not have pride in himself for anything he has accomplished. What he needed was someone to give him pride in himself and build up his self-esteem. He needed to know that he had much to offer the right person but to meet that person he had to be willing to face those who would shy from him or call him all sorts of a demon. In short he had to be willing to join the human race on whatever terms would be offered to him.

Laying my hand once more on his shoulder I speak gently so as not to upset him, "Erik, I apologize for my niece. She is not normally so cruel. At the moment she is fearful about what might happen to us all. You must admit you do not give one the impression of calm. I believe in you Erik. If you intended to harm us you had ample opportunity over the last few days. I don't claim to be an expert at treating someone with emotional issues but I am a willing ear and have been known to show good common sense when the need arose. Let me help you Erik. I am here for you whatever it is you require of me."

For a moment I thought he wouldn't answer or would thrust me away once more. To my surprise he did neither. Turning swiftly toward me he grabbed me around my middle and buried his face in my waist as sobs wracked his body with ferocity. Such mournful outcries were emitting from him that I could hardly comprehend they came from a man and not some fatally wounded animal. These tears he shed I believe are not only for losing Christine but for a myriad of wrongs that have accumulated over time adding to the ache and twisting of his soul. His sobbing seemed like some volcano that had belched out black smoke then burst into flames shooting out fiery ash everywhere. Like the volcano his emotions once the cork had been removed everything came hurtling out.

Even though it felt as if he would crush me I couldn't ask him to loosen his hold. He needed to get all this sorrow out so he could begin to mend. I have a feeling that once his faculties calm down he is likely to be angry that I have been a witness to his weak tears yet again. I'll worry about that when the time comes. For now this is a memory he may recall when he has thoughts of throttling me later on. I do hope my show of tenderness erases some of his hurt and buries this moment deep within him in a place where he can bring it out when all life seems not worth living and not one soul cares if he lives or dies. I want him to know I do care, I care very much.

I don't know how long I lay there with him cradled in my arms or when his sobs ceased as I fell asleep. He must have too because the next thing I knew I had been roughly tossed off the bed with a string of virulent curses following my loud painful thump upon the floor. Rising up on my elbows I blinked half afraid I'd be murdered before my vision cleared enough for me to see the face of my murderer.

"Get out Madame. I beseech you to get out before…before I do something we shall both regret, you much more so than I." If he had shouted the threat I wouldn't have been nearly as afraid as I was by his calm emotionless delivery of what constituted a warning that he could kill me and have regrets but not so much that it would stay his hand from taking my life. This would be a perfect time for me to retreat. I had sown a seed and now it needed time to grow. He hadn't killed me or harmed me in any real way. He had just shoved me away, I suppose for my protection more than to save his pride. Was that not progress?

Brushing down my dress once I had regained my feet I left without saying anything further, best to leave well enough alone for now. I didn't relish meeting with the others after being gone all night. If the man were anyone but Erik speculation would be running rife this morning just how we had spent the night. Thinking about it I suppose speculation will run its course anyway only not for the same reasons. They will wonder what harm if any he had done to me and just when I'd be sending him packing, at least Helene would all but have his bags packed if indeed he had had any.

First things first. I will not face the day in the same dress I wore last night. A long hot bath will be welcome too. My mind kept listing things I simply must do just to prolong my inevitable meeting with the other three women, Helene in particular. Two hours later I knew my time alone had ended. If I did not go down Helene would come up so she could confront me. She would do it in a subtle way but the results would be the same. I would feel as if I had been grilled by a professional investigator.

Even before I reached the ground floor I heard Helene's voice nearly shouting at whoever had ruffled her dander. Without ceremony I entered the breakfast room and took my place as complete silence reigned supreme for the few moments it took me to shake out my napkin and place it across my knees. Before I could greet anyone Helene turned to me and asked in a tone sure to ruffle my own dander, "Aunt Eileen you have gone too far. Sleeping with that man, why, it is scandalous."

Pouring myself a cup of tea from the pot left beside my plate I stall for time to marshal just what I will say and to calm myself so I may speak in a way that will not challenge Helene to question my authority but also not degrade her in front of the others. I take a long rejuvenating drink before I even attempt to speak.

"Helene you will kindly not speak to me in that tone again. Must I remind you this is my home and although you are a privileged guest you are a guest, one I adore with all my heart. As to sleeping with Erik, well, I did and I didn't."

Throwing down her napkin on the table my loving niece looks ready to scream as I do not make clear just what went on behind those closed doors. Really it isn't anyone's business if I choose to sleep with a hundred men. The reality is I haven't taken a lover to my bed since my dear Henri last shared it with me. It does get very lonely sometimes during the long wakeful nights.

"Are you being deliberately vague? Of course you slept with him. I sent Robert up to check on you when an hour passed and you did not come back down. When he went up the door to Erik's room was locked and no one answered his knock. Your bed was not slept in as I checked first thing this morning."

"Well aren't you the sly puss? If you must know Erik needed me or rather he needed someone, anyone to hold onto while suffering such distress, distress I might add brought on by your own cruel words. If you care anything about continuing to enjoy my company and the comforts of my home I must ask that you never show this side of you to me again. I held him while he slept and it appears I fell asleep as well. It may ease your mind that he unceremoniously kicked me out of his bed this morning and sent me packing in no uncertain terms."

Turning toward Antoinette I reached out my hand which she grasped like a lifeline. I could see the distress and worry etched deeply into the lines of her face. Her normally good humor did not reflect back at me from her now darkly clouded eyes.

"He is well as can be expected Antoinette. I do believe we have made progress. He shoved me out of the bed but did not rage at me or come at me with his hands in a threatening manner. He controlled himself and asked me to leave him alone. He asked it of me, he did not demand it."

"Eileen I have been so worried. Helene has…well we'll not go into that. I would hate to think I had been the one to cause harm to you or anyone else just because of my belief that he can be normal and lead a normal life given the chance to do so."

Shyly Meg asked, "Is he really going to be alright? I don't know him but I do know of him. Maman was not as secretive as she thought. There were times I pretended to be asleep when he would speak to her through some wall or vent. A few times I even managed to follow her and see his hand reach out and hand her a note or rose for Christine. When I was younger I did think he was a ghost because when I saw him his hand seemed to come right through the walls. Later of course I learned of his secret passages. I…I wouldn't want anything to happen to him and I know Christine wouldn't either."

That was the most words Meg had strung together since I met her. She is a very shy and retiring girl. Throughout my association with her mother she and Christine both had played parts in the background. It had slipped my mind that Helene had also met the two young women when they were all children. Just about the time Erik must have begun teaching Christine. I hadn't taken the time to get to know them well back then. Children were a sore subject to me as I could not give Henri an heir. Antoinette had been so busy with her work and appeasing the resident ghost she had little time to spend in idle chit-chat with me. We saw one another on a regular basis but always for mere minutes at a time. When we did manage to spend an odd hour together it was by mutual agreement that we would not discuss the theatre or anything to do with it. In fact Antoinette had insisted or meetings be held outside the opera house and now I know why.

"We all wish for his complete recovery." Turning to look pointedly at Helene I raised by brow to indicate I expected an answer from her.

"Oh yes. We must all be certain that the crazed fiend is well enough to murder us in our beds. What is wrong with you people? He murdered who knows how many men, kidnapped Antoinette's daughter, burned down the opera house and extorted a king's ransom over the years from poor gullible managers believing him to be a ghost and phantom haunting the place. What magic does he possess that blinds you all to his criminal acts to the degree that you totally disregard it?"

Placing my hands in my lap I sit quietly for a few moments gathering words to explain this unexplainable connection I feel with Erik. It isn't as if we share a history. I met him for the first time a few nights ago under circumstances that if he had been anyone else I would have called for the authorities. Why do I feel it is important, even necessary to help him? I have no answers but I feel it in my very soul that Erik is worth saving and I will do whatever I can to that end.

"Helene I can't give you any answers that will satisfy you. It boils down to faith. I have faith in Erik. I can't explain why but I do. I feel this deep seated belief that I must save him and give him whatever is required so that he may find a place in the world and live happily as a man and not some hermit hidden away from society. If you care to know more about Erik please ask Antoinette sometime to tell you what she knows of him. It isn't much but it is enough to even soften your heart which has become incased in impenetrable walls. Helene please let us not be at odds over this. You know I would not put you in harms way. If I thought for a second he would harm you or any of the others I would turn him in myself. Contrary to what you think I am not blinded to any of the horrific things he has done. I am merely in possession of facts that let me understand why he committed them and deal with him accordingly now."

Just when I have given up on hearing a reply from her I here her softly say, "I cannot in good conscience give my wholehearted support but I do know you have always had sound judgment where people are concerned. I will not hinder you but know this, I will not aid you in this venture either. If at any time he proves himself to be of the slightest danger to anyone I will have no compunction about having Robert or one of the other servants hold him at gunpoint until the proper authorities can be alerted to his whereabouts."

That was the best I could expect from her at the moment and really it is more than I hoped for. I had imagined her sending for the authorities a few days ago and having Erik carted off to prison. Maybe she feels something herself but cannot yet admit to it or even know that it exists. My niece has a hardened outer protective shell but is soft on the inside once one is let in. It takes a very special person to crack her outer layers. I can't help but compare her to Erik. In many ways they are two of a kind.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

**Learning to Trust **

_**Helene**_

Having stated my position I did not refer to the subject of Erik in any direct way. If asked I made appropriate responses but for all intents and purposes I had washed my hands of the whole mess. It did surprise me that none of us had been murdered or harmed in any way. Knowing how I had baited him I expected him to seek revenge after he had gotten over his brief moment of grief.

The days and then weeks passed without anything happening. I tried to keep my own curiosity from leading me astray. At the moment I feel I am the only clearheaded person in the house other than the servants. Strict instructions concerning our guest have been given to everyone on the estate. My aunt wanted no mishaps or expressions of terror if anyone did happen to encounter Erik.

The main topic of discussion of late has been about Erik and his progress. One would think the man had three mothers as they spoke of his talents and accomplishments. As true as any proud mother they did tend to gloss over his misdeeds. I pretend not to listen. He still refuses to return to the lower floors which suits me just fine. We made a very curious household the likes of which I am sure the servants have not witnessed before and I imagine we were the topic of discussion during their daily meals in the kitchen.

Lord knows what they thought of my aunt's nightly visits to Erik's room. I know for a fact she spent many nights in his room. I am not blind nor do I think Antoinette and Meg are obtuse. We all suspect not all of my aunt's concern is merely a helping hand. The glow on her face and the lively sparkle in her eyes have not been with her since Uncle Henri became ill then died. A part of her died with my uncle. Now it appears as if Erik has given her new life. I couldn't explain it or approve of it wholeheartedly but I did not begrudge my aunt finding some happiness. I just could not reconcile her happiness being linked with a murderous criminal.

A few weeks recovering and there were signs that Erik did wander about the lower floors but always while the household slept. The larder had been raided several times and half a chocolate cake had gone missing. Cook started leaving a plate of cookies and other treats on the kitchen table for whoever might find themselves hungry during the night. Every morning the plate had been washed and placed back in the china cabinet.

When first I heard the music being played on the piano I thought it may well be part of some lovely dream. Not being deeply asleep I guessed it was not part of any dream but of the real world. It could only be Erik. I played the piano but Aunt Eileen did not. I am not sure if Antoinette or Meg could play but imagine they had not had the time or money for lessons. The music being played indicated a master of music. The piece he played held such melancholy that it brought tears to my eyes. I felt bewildered why I should be crying but then the music took on an even more morose tone and I sank deeper into despair. Just when I thought I might die from the ache of it the music slowly began a climb to a lighter happier tone that did not quite reach euphoric but had risen up from the well of despair it had brought me to. I hated how he made me feel even while I could admire his talent. A musician who could bring such an emotional response from a listener must be declared a musician of remarkable skills.

The days passed and soon months had gone by. Aunt Eileen joined the three of us less and less. I could not stem the jealousy that took hold of me. My aunt and her affection have been the one certainty in my life for as long as I could remember. I felt abandoned by my aunt and usurped by a man not worthy of her affection. The day I heard her humming as she worked in the garden I knew love had come to her again.

Aunt Eileen had been a handsome woman but now she looked radiant. That the others knew of her folly did not escape me. I had overheard a conversation between Antoinette and my aunt. Antoinette had warned her to be careful. I had wanted to shout out that same warning but held my tongue. I hoped my aunt would come to me and confess what had happened but I would not ask her outright. All day I have been restless moving from one room to another not able to settle down to any one thing.

Meg's interest in riding saved my sanity. or so I thought.

"Helene, would you care to teach me how to ride? I must confess that I always wished to learn but the opportunity did not ever seem to be right. Eileen has told me that you are rather an expert and that you disregard convention by wearing trousers when you ride. Might I do so too?" Meg. Her eager young face beamed at me. If I had been blessed with a sister I would have wanted one similar to Meg. She is of a sweet nature but not one to be pushed into anything against her will. She is loyal to a fault as proved by her continued support of Christine and her choices, choices I might add that I wholeheartedly support. We have been getting letters from Christine via a friend in Paris. It would seem none of the parties involved trust Erik any more than I do. Christine and Raoul are to be married in the spring of next year. I do wish they had gone ahead and done the deed so as to take the hope away that Erik might one day win her back. I suppose nothing came of their anticipation of wedding vows so a quick wedding would not be necessary.

"I would love to teach you to ride. I find nothing more exhilarating than flying across the fields at breakneck speed with only the wind pressing against me. The horse and I are so in tune with one another that it is as if we are one being with one heart and one mind. There is nothing like it."

Assessing her small frame I concluded she would have a need to borrow a pair of trousers from one of the young stable boys. I am taller and of a slightly larger frame than Meg. I am not by any means considered of great girth but nor do I have the slenderness of a dancer. Meg is deceptively compact as I am sure she has muscles most women do not have due to the nature of her strenuous dance on stage.

"I'll speak with Javier and ask if he might lend you a pair of trousers just until we can get to town and order you a couple of pairs. If you and your mother are to stay for any length of time a visit to the dressmaker will be in order. Consider it my treat. I do so love picking out garments to suit ones personality. Please allow me this one pleasure."

Meg looks to her mother for approval. A slight nod of her head sends Meg into squeals of an unbecoming volume as she launches herself at me. Laughing as I spontaneously wrap my own arms around her waist I can hear Antoinette's laughter in the background. I won't reprimand Meg for her behavior as she is like a breath of fresh air in this stale old house. I can't help but admit that I have laughed more since Meg and her mother's arrival than any time in my life. The situation that brought them here may not be to my liking but I do enjoy having them both here.

Meg has no sooner reclaimed her seat than my aunt comes in pulling a reluctant Erik behind her. I cannot help but wonder what that intense searching look he is giving me is about. I would have thought he would rather eat worms than be in my company or look at me again. I know I feel uncomfortable as I remember our last encounter and how I behaved. Memories of the nights he has played the piano, especially that first night, are filling me with a strange emotion I do not recognize. It is not hate or repulsion. I don't feel it is anything negative at all. I don't wish to analyze it as to come to some discovery that he is winning me over is not acceptable. I must keep my head and not lose sight of the fact of who and what he is, even if the others forget those facts.

"Look who has consented to join us for lunch today? Erik, why don't you take a seat and I will go inform the cook that we shall be ready for the meal in fifteen minutes. That should give us all time to freshen up and then meet again in the dining room."

The only seat left was the one beside me on the settee unless he sat across the room in a chair grouped together with matching couch and a second chair. This conversation area seemed to grow smaller as Erik sat beside me and I felt his knee bump against mine. The arm of the settee was already fitted tightly against me so I could not scoot any further away. My hip began to feel overly warm as the heat from him was absorbed into me. My heart started a nervous fluttering in my chest. I tried not to inhale too deeply as whatever fragrance he wore did strange things to me. I found myself wanting to lean toward him so I could take in more of him. Calling myself all sorts of a fool I addressed my conversation to the others and ignored Erik as much as I could. I felt his gaze burning into my skin but still I refused to give him so much as a glance.

I breathed a sigh of relief when Aunt Eileen came to tell us lunch would be served as soon as we all took our places. With more haste than grace I excused myself so I could freshen up in the downstairs powder room. Splashing water on my heated cheeks I looked into the mirror to give myself a good talking to. I could not let his dubious charm sway me. Look what happened to poor gullible Christine. Did I want him to lead me astray as he had her? By the time I rejoined everyone I had my defenses firmly in place and another layer between me and the outside world.

To my relief Erik had taken a seat just to my aunt's right hand with Antoinette and Meg between us acting as a buffer. I swear I could still feel the warmth of his thigh and hip pressed against my own. It was very unsettling. I was glad to have others present so I might not need to speak to him at all.

"Eileen your niece has graciously consented to teach Meg to ride. Erik, would that be something that would interest you?" Antoinette's question took me off guard. While my brain scrambled around for a reason for him not to join us he foiled me by declaring readily, "I have always thought riding would be a freeing experience. Almost like riding on the wind."

His observation was so close to my own feelings I felt disturbed for him to say it out loud. I wanted nothing to connect us. The less I knew about him and the more he disliked me the better.

"Why Monsieur Erik how odd. Just earlier Helene claimed almost to feel the same. She is an expert horsewoman according to Madame Eileen. You simply must join us." Realizing she might be misconstrued as being pushy or overly boisterous she countered her enthusiasm by saying, "Well of course that is if that is something you might wish to do. Not everyone is horse mad just because they live in the countryside."

"Yes Erik, you simply must ride. I insist. It will do you good to get out in the fresh air. The exercise would be welcome I am sure. You have been cooped up too long. It is time to feel the wind and sun on your face." Antoinette glanced at Erik as if to gage his reaction to her words. He did not respond in any visual way. He had learned how to be as unreadable as a closed book.

Although no one said anything I am sure we were all thinking the same thing. Erik had spent most of his life without the wind and sun on his face. It would seem mean spirited of me to begrudge him this small concession so I held back any comment I would like to make and instead sipped my tea.

During the meal Erik did not speak voluntarily. He only answered a question posed to him directly. As the meal progressed it became more difficult to ignore his commanding presence. From the angle I now looked at him I could only see the good side of his face. Listening to his mellow tones I could feel the pull from him to me. I did wonder if anyone else felt as I did or if perhaps I was coming down with some illness. Trying not to appear as if I studied them too closely I inspected each woman in turn. They all appeared to be just as captivated as I by Erik's words, no, not the words themselves, as they were of little consequence. It was the way they resonated around us then came to our ears with such seductive powers that drew us. If a lover spoke to his beloved just so he would have no trouble winning her heart and soul. She would be as clay in the hands of a master sculptor.

I wanted to feel nothing but contempt for Erik but found it to be harder and harder to keep myself detached and thus succumbing to his powers of seduction be they unknown or not the result was that he had the women around him ready to melt into puddles at his feet.

Trying to rationalize my feelings I let myself believe it was pity I felt. Here was a man who had little to nothing except what he had stolen or gained by force from others. He had no home of his own indeed never had. All he had left to him was the continued protective instincts of his savior, Madame Giry.

Pity, yes, I could accept feeling pity even if he did not deserve it from anyone. I would rather label my emotions as pity rather than delve deeply into them and discover something less palatable.

Blessedly it rained so I did not have to suffer Erik's presence although I did regret not being able to share one of my passions with Meg. To avoid a probable encounter with Erik in the music room I went to bed early. Long into the night I heard him playing. Even after Antoinette and Meg had gone to bed he played on. It must have been around three in the morning when I woke from a light sleep to hear sobbing coming from somewhere above. I knew where the sounds came from all too well. I pulled the pillow over my head trying to drown out the mournful cries.

I had suffered my own loss but I had managed to close off my pain. That first week I thought I might die from the sheer agony of it but alas I lived on. Nothing held any appeal for me. One day sunk deep in my sorrow I had an epiphany. I cried for hours yet he went on his merry way. I went day to day hoping each one would be my last yet he married his wealthy trollop and lived on unconcerned that he nearly killed me.

Recounting all the days we had spent together I found he had not been that special or even that handsome. I had loved him and yet there wasn't one thing positive I could remember about him. He had not treated me well and did not deserve one tear of my suffering for his leaving me. There and then I decided to put him in my discarded memories where all unpleasant bits of my past were cataloged for future reference should the need arise. I doubted I would ever have a need or inclination to think of that huge blunder in my life ever again. Even in my private thoughts I did not give him a name. For me to address him by name he would have to mean something to me and he did not.

Perhaps if I am feeling charitable I may share my experience with Erik and help him ease his pain. He needs to begin to relinquish Christine's hold on him if ever he hopes to live any semblance of a normal life. Wallowing in misery of a lost love is not the way to heal a broken heart. Casting out all thoughts and memories of that person is the way to regain your hold on sanity.

The creaking of the floorboards alerts me to someone passing by my room on their way to the stairs leading to the upper floor. I don't need to see who it is to know who is walking about at this ungodly early hour and headed upward toward where Erik's room is located. How Aunt Eileen managed to hear his pitiful cries is beyond me. She must either be in tune to him or have been listening at her door in case he woke and needed her comforting arms.

Whatever this emotion is that has me thinking unkindly of my aunt I won't try to name or explore. I will crush it before it can take hold. I will not allow any man to come between me and my aunt. She is all I have and I will not lose her to anyone or to any silly misfiring of my heart when a certain person is nearby. I won't suffer that nonsense again or jeopardize my relationship with a woman who has been a mother to me even more so than the mother I cannot remember.

I did not realize I held my breath or gripped the coverlet in my hands so tightly until the sobbing had ceased and my hands relaxed their hold. My fingers ached and my head swooned from lack of oxygen. I know I am lying to myself as I let myself believe it was only worry for my aunt's safety that had me so upset. What is one more lie in a lifetime built on them?


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Been ill and still am but hate to leave my readers hanging. Since I have chapters already written all I need to do is edit then post. Please enjoy this, my next humble offering. **

**Warning: Sexual content. Nothing too explicit but enough for me to give a warning., **

**Chapter Eight**

**Battle of the Heart**

**Erik**

Last night had been one in a long succession of nights over several months spent mourning my losses. Despair has been my companion for so long I would be disoriented without it. Christine has followed me into my dreams so often the lines of reality and dreams have blurred. If not for the aching void her absence has left in me I could well imagine I am dead and living in a hell of my own imagination.

My eyes are burning and my throat feels raw from all the sobbing I have done with little abatement between my bouts of utter despair. I long to forget Christine and I have tried but she will not leave me alone in my dreams. During my waking hours I can control where my mind goes and what I think about. Only once, when that horrid little bitch Helene baited me with my failure as a man did I lose control during the waking hours. Since that time I have made certain not to encounter her again. Last night was the first time in many days I had consented to join them in a meal and only then because Eileen had asked me so sweetly.

What is it about her that calms me and makes me feel so safe? I certainly do not see her as a mother as demonstrated by my constant erections when she is near me. When she holds me I find myself almost forgetting the pain and what caused my tears as she fills the space around me with serenity and calm. If I were to describe how I feel when she is near it would be that I feel like a caterpillar must feel when enshrouded in their protective cocoon of silk. That is how Eileen makes me feel, safe, secure and protected.

At the moment I have my arm draped over her waist and she is snuggled tightly against me. I feel my manhood pressing into her still firm buttocks. She may be an older woman but she has lost none of her ripe beauty or appeal. If I thought I would not wake her I would like very much to touch her in places I have only touched Christine and those were caresses stolen and not freely given. Thinking on it maybe they were more willingly given than I previously gave credit. Still, she did not love me, not as I would have a woman I would spend my life with love me.

As she moves and moans I cannot stop the reflexive pressing of my groin harder against her. When I hear a sleepy "Erik" I nearly scramble backwards off the bed. She has given me her trust and I maul her like one of those men from the opera, Joseph Buquet specifically.

"Oh please forgive me. I did not mean…I was not trying to…I would never do…"

Before I could stammer like an idiot any further she rolled over with a smile on her face. She raised her hand and automatically I flinched away. I still am not used to all this tender touching and holding she has shown me. For a woman of her station it is not proper to have me here and neither is it proper to stay with me night after night holding me like a child to her breast as I sob out my sorrows. We both know what everyone in the household is thinking. They believe we are lovers. If I were a normal man we would have become lovers long ago were she to allow such a thing.

Eileen merely giggles with girlish delight when I chide her for being so uncaring of her reputation. It pleases her to have others think we share more than simple comfort in my bed. I must admit to feeling a bit prideful myself. Rather they think 'Lucky devil" than "Poor deformed bastard".

"Erik it is alright. I was married you know and am aware of how men's bodies are when they first wake. It is nothing to be ashamed of or to ask for my forgiveness. In fact, may I tell you something shocking? I have not been asleep all these mornings we have lain abed for so long. I have been awake enjoying having a man next to me holding me in his strong arms. I know it doesn't mean the same for you but I am of an age when I need my fantasies so please just forget the apologies and let us not say any more about it."

Her hand still rested against my cheek and her face was so close to mine our breaths mingled. Despite what she said I did feel desire toward her. I hadn't had any experience with a woman in this manner. I had dreamed and read but never actually have I lain with a warm woman. To my shame many times I had taken the mannequin of Christine to my bed so that I could fantasize she came to me. I imagined instead of cold plaster and wood I held her warm flesh within my arms. Her lips were not hard and unresponsive but warm and inviting. That is as close to intimacy as I have ever been.

"Erik could I…would you mind if…if I kissed you?"

She surprised me with her request. Did she mean a motherly peck on the cheek or…my mind faltered at this point and would not venture further in case I got myself into trouble. If it was not so sad and degrading I would laugh to think I imagined she would kiss me as a lover. It is a wonder she wants to taint her lips on my horrid flesh as it is. What is wrong with her? Has being with me infected her mind with insanity? Is insanity something that can be passed through touch? I had not thought so but could there be any other explanation?

"Kiss me? Oh…well…I…" The devil if she did not lean forward and place her lips over mine, chasing every sane thought from my head. This was no mother's kiss. Her mouth settled over mine with warm moisture as she opened her lips to taste mine. Stupidly I kept my own mouth pursed tightly like a callow youth during his first kiss. Christine's kisses had taken me by surprise and then the wonder of them had left me with no response available to me. I had been frozen by the sheer glory of her soft flesh pressed to mine.

I felt her releasing my mouth yet I did not open my eyes. My body sent messages to parts of me that controlled my libido. I felt as if a furnace had been lit inside of me. I could not stop the trembling as my muscles strained against holding still when I wanted very much to move in ways I never had before. It shamed me that I wanted to bury myself so deeply in her that we could not tell where one ended and the other began. I would not let my lecherous side take over. I would not take advantage of her when her only intent had been to show me some small comfort.

"Erik did…did you not like it? I do not claim to be a woman of vast experience but I had thought I at least knew how to kiss properly," she said with self-contempt. Rolling over she said piteously, "Perhaps I am too old for such things. I am a foolish old woman. Please forgive my forwardness Erik. Please, may we go back to the way things were before…well before I made a complete fool of myself?"

I had to repeat her words several times silently in my head before their meaning took root. She felt humiliated for having kissed me and I supposedly rejected her. She did not feel disgusted by me nor had it been her intention to kiss me as one would a child.

Could I do this? I know for damn sure I want to do this but did not have the experience to know how to begin. With Christine being so much younger and naïve in the ways of the world I imagined we would have time to learn such things together. Would I make a fool of myself by not being able to bring her any pleasure? Being halfway to completion already did not leave much time for doing anything that would bring her anything but disappointment. This may be my one chance to have this sort of connection to another person, a woman to lie with me and share intimacies.

Moving so that I aligned with her again I pressed myself into her buttocks and slid my hand to her stomach. Gently I pulled her back toward me. Using my knuckles I wiped the tears from her eyes. She did not look old to me at all. She looked more gracious and splendid than any perfectly sculpted woman an artist's hands could form. She felt perfect to me.

"Show me. I…As you can imagine I have not had…I have never been…" Slowly she rolled over to face me. Gently she placed her finger over my lips to silence my rambling. Leaning toward me she once again pleasured me with the softness of her kiss. This time her tongue stroked across mine. It felt wonderful so I did the same to her.

She rose up then pushed me back as she continued to kiss me. Her fingers undoing my shirt nearly had me jumping from the bed. She meant to disrobe me. I had a hideous deformity on my face but my back and chest had many more ugly red and white lines crisscrossing over my flesh. Would all that scarred flesh sicken her?

I could have happily died when I felt the first caress of her lips on my chest. Soft as butterfly wings she kissed down over my chest as one button at a time came undone. I felt as if I might explode before she removed my shirt. Surely I would if she unbuttoned only one button of my trousers. Why had I not been one to sleep without clothing? Perhaps in the future I would take up that habit.

Leaning up to hover over me she brought my eyes open when she informed me, "Erik I am going to unbutton your trousers. I am going to do something for you that will relieve you of your…well it will make things easier for…Just trust me. I will do nothing that will harm you. What I am going to do will relieve some of the...urgency... so we can enjoy one another fully."

I did not know what she meant and truthfully I did not care. I felt so riled up and ready to do something even if I did not know exactly what that might entail. She undid my trousers faster than my shirt. She did not linger over the buttons for which I am grateful. When I felt her hand work underneath the fly of my trousers I could not help the stiffening of my whole body. To feel that hand wrap around my hard flesh took me to a place I had not gone with another person. All my ecstasy had been found in fantasies. Oh how much better it is to have a living partner, one doing such marvelously wicked things to me.

My masculine pride would like to say I lasted for many strokes of her hand but in truth once I felt her skin on mine I nearly climaxed in that instant. All too briefly I soared to the heights then came crashing back to earth. I did not want to stop flexing my hips or have her remove her hand from me but if we were to do something for her pleasure I would need to move.

"Erik please keep your eyes closed so I may disrobe." She sounded like a shy maiden.

"But I want to see you. I want to see what I touch. Please may I…" I left the sentence drift into silence. I didn't want to sound as if I begged to touch her. I would have but she did not need to know that, a man has his pride and if nothing else the last few weeks have confirmed I am very much a man.

"Alright but…but please understand that I am not in the flush of my youth. I have marks on my skin from…well never mind what from, just know that I have them and I am not perfect. I am rather large of hips and my waist is not as lean as it used to be. I…my…well my bosoms have given into gravity a long time ago. I am not young or of a perfect body but if you will have me I will do my best to make this a joyous experience for you."

I nearly laughed aloud to hear the concern in her voice about not looking perfect. Did she not notice all the marks disfiguring my chest? Had she not already seen the hideous deformity covering the right side of my face? Slowly I opened my eyes and watched as she disrobed. I have to say it is a fascinating process and very stimulating to see. Throughout my life in the opera house I had avoided those areas where I could glimpse the naked performers as they used the dressing rooms. I had enough trouble curtailing my runaway libido as I grew older and did not need any fuel added to the fire.

Her hands shook as she fumbled with the buttons. She had a steadier hand undoing my shirt and trousers than she did her own clothing. Sitting up I moved to the side of the bed. I stood up next to her and asked, "May I?"

She did not reply verbally but merely nodded her head in the affirmative. She swallowed nervously as my hands began to undo button after button. Would I have been able to remain so calm while removing Christine's clothing? It isn't fair to think of one woman while attempting to make love to another woman. Christine had no place in this room or in my thoughts.

If women have as much trouble putting on their clothing as I had removing Eileen's it is a wonder they did not protest and demand someone invent garments less complicated. I had only removed her outer dress and already I wanted to strip the rest from her unceremoniously. Restrained has not been a word that has been used to describe me. I tend to let my emotions rule my reactions. For Eileen I really tried to keep from letting my urges get the better of me.

There were several layers of petticoats then the dreaded crisscrossing laces of her corset. I fought to loosen it and I am sure I heard a giggle come from her. At last I had removed that damn corset. If I never came across another it would be fine by me. The designers of the corset were in league with the inventors of the chastity belt. Next came her chemise. I hesitated touching her heaving bosom. Did that mean I frightened her or…

She settled my dilemma for me as she took my hand and placed it over her bared breast. Her head went back and her eyes closed tightly. Her lips spread in a smile. I had no control over my actions when I lowered my head and took her nipple into my mouth. My knees nearly buckled under the fierce response to my body this act brought about. Vaguely I noticed a similar response from her.

Skimming up over her throat I worked my way to her waiting mouth. This time I knew to taste her with my tongue. I heard a purring coming from deep within her. I did this. Because of me she felt pleasure that must be expressed in a vocal way. Encouraged I let my hands explore her. When I could not bear to touch all of her any longer I scooped her up into my arms and laid her gently on the bed. Placing my knee beside her I leaned down so I could capture her lips once more. I did not stop at that but went on to pay homage to her in ways I could not even have imagined. As I settled over her I would have been content just to feel my flesh rub against hers but she had other ideas.

"Erik you must remove your clothing or at least your trousers. It will be easier without them." I could see she was not degrading me or mocking my inexperience. She merely advised me on the best way to proceed.

I could not remove my trousers fast enough. Later I would wonder if she looked at me as comprehensively as I looked at her. She had already seen my face so I saw no sence in hiding that part from her. Best to remind her what she would be letting violate her body just in case she changed her mind. She did not.

Oh yes this is much better without clothing. I could not decide what part of her I liked the most so I visited them all several times with my lips and hands. I felt her nudging at me with her knees. I moved so that my manhood rubbed the place where it is said a woman will scream for mercy if you touch her in the right way. I was afraid to do anything as I had no idea how to touch a woman down there or anywhere for that matter.

When she grasped me with both hands on my bare buttocks and pushed me downward I let her show me what she wanted. Probing with my hard flesh I felt her hot and moist and oh so ready for me. I sank into her warmth willing to die now in this moment of pure ecstasy. How long I would have stayed like that I don't know but Eileen began to move beneath me. If I thought merely sinking into her felt like something otherworldly this transcended everything.

Instincts that I did not know I possessed must have taken over for I found my hips rising and lowering in time with hers. A perfect synchronicity developed between us. If I thought she would be a silent lover I found out otherwise. Eileen may be an older woman and proper during the day but when in bed with me nothing she did spoke of anything ladylike.

The harder I thrust the harder she begged for me to thrust into her. Kissing her breasts evoked such cries from her I feared the others would hear and think I murdered her. To hear her calling my name as something like pain overtook her felt like nothing in my life ever had made me feel.

When I expelled my lust driven seed into her it was my name on her lips. As I collapsed to the side of her it was me she clung to as if afraid I might leave. Her arms held me tightly against her and I swear I heard her say, "Erik I love you."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Sexual inuendo with a little light lovemaking. **

**Chapter Nine**

**Forbidden Love **

_**Helene **_

I am not blind nor do I believe any of the household suddenly could not see or hear. Antoinette and my aunt spoke in whispers while Meg sat nearby with her cheeks stained a becoming pink. I had not been invited into their circle during these private discussions as I am sure the subject they discussed had something to do with Erik. They all know how I feel about him, or felt, no, how I feel. Damn it I am so confused.

Whenever he comes near me I feel prickling all over my skin. I hate him more now than I did before at least I try to continue to think poorly of him. Aunt Eileen whored herself for this disgusting pig. Yes, he is a pig, a filthy man, one who lured my very easily wooed aunt into an illicit affair. I could not look the servants in the eye as they brought trays and other things up to the top floor. No one entered Erik's room but left provisions outside the door as instructed. Aunt Eileen is the only one to breach his near impenetrable walls. I must confess I do not try unlike sweet little Meg and her mother.

As I watched my aunt and her close friend it angered me that a good woman, of sound moral fiber could let this devil's advocate into her life let alone her private moments. Erik and my aunt have taken to occupying a secret corner of some of the lesser used rooms. The two of them blatantly touched and smiled their secret smiles. It sickens me. This is the man my aunt has taken to her bed after so many years of celibacy? She prefers a murderer and extortionist rather than a proper gentleman. I would not have credited her with such low class tastes. I had thought if ever she found a man she wanted to share intimacies it would have been someone like Uncle Henri. Erik is so far removed from what a gentleman should be that I cannot reconcile my aunt and he doing such intimate things.

Knowing my aunt is a vibrant forty-two year old woman does little to bring about any acceptance of this liason. Part of me knows it has more to do with my own reaction to Erik than begrudging Aunt Eileen any small happiness she finds. I know it must boost her moral to have a young man of only thirty-five pay compliments and have him attracted to her still young figure. Even I must admit she is a beautiful woman.

Constantly my nerves are frazzled. I can't sleep as I think of them together and what horrible acts he might ask of her. I have begun to curse him when he takes to playing his music. I hate it almost as much as I love it and what it makes me feel. Sexual gratification has not been something I have sought as I classed it among those things common people practiced, not those of us who were intelligent enough to use our brains instead of our sexual urges to live our lives.

Every night when the music begins I swear I will not give in to his seductive pull but find myself weak. I hate myself afterward almost as much as I hate Erik. I tell myself it is hate but deep down I fear there is another word that would better describe how I feel about him. I dare not let it out as nothing can come of it. I will do nothing that will hurt my aunt. Besides, I think Erik feels as much dislike for me as I pretend to have for him. I do nothing to encourage any different opinion.

Today has been a particularly troublesome morning for me. Does no one but me find disfavor in their association? Knowing how broadminded those in the theatre are I can see how Antoinette might be more open-minded than most but still…

When I cannot stand to hear their whispered conversation another minute I decide to go for a ride. I want to be alone so I do not invite Meg this time. She has learned to ride well enough that she may ride around the immediate area by herself if she chooses. I know she prefers my company but just now I need time alone. She misses her sister and has taken me as a substitute. I don't mind most of the time but today anyone's company would be jarring and unwelcome.

I have dreaded the day my aunt reminds me I have yet to take Erik riding. Would that I could I would put him on a mount sure to throw him to the ground but I do not wish him any permanent harm I only wish him across the other side of the world. Unjustly at times I find myself cursing Mademoiselle Daaé for not finding it in her heart to love him. If she had I might never have come across Erik and my aunt would not be acting like a loose moraled commoner.

Changing into my trousers and shirt I leave by the back entrance so I don't have to feel obligated to ask Meg to join me. The fresh air hits my face with a welcome sting. It is spring but not yet warm enough not to wear a light coat. My aunt has been working in the gardens just as she used to when Uncle Henri was alive. The gardens will be beautiful once everything is in bloom. The special areas she tends will be particularly splendid as she likes to plant rare and exotic flowers and ground cover.

The horses greet me with soft rumbles and lip rolls. I scoop up feed for each one as I pass their stalls. Martin, our stable manager reprimands me for giving them the extra feed. It is hard to keep them fit with only me to ride them regularly. My favorite is a grey mare of only three years. She is a sweet thing while in her stall but put a saddle on her and take her out in the open and a fire is lit within her. She wants to run until she cannot take another step. We are in tune in that respect. I named her Avalon as I imagine she has come out of the grey mists of that mythical place I once read about.

Martin knows to leave me alone when I come to the stables unless I ask for something. I prefer to tend to her myself. I have almost gotten her completely ready to ride when she sidesteps and whickers nervously. Without looking I know someone has come near the stall. When I turn to see who it is I almost groan in frustration and anger at the leap of my heart. No one but Erik can cause this much upset in me.

"Good morning Mademoiselle Helene. I thought I might take up the offer of a ride as I heard you mention to cook you were headed this way. I thought you could show me some of the places Eileen has been telling me about."

Leaning my head against the hard leather of the saddle I want to bang my head against it several times to counteract the racing of my heart and my stupid reaction to him. This is insane. He has bewitched me in some way. This is not me. I do not feel these sorts of longings for any man. I do not lust after them nor would I ever lust after a man my aunt has…well I just wouldn't. Nonetheless I felt my heart beating a loud tattoo against my heaving breasts. The slow tide of color flooding my face is humiliating. I am behaving like a love struck girl in the flush of her first crush. I will not have it, I will not.

"You are welcome to any animal you chose. Please do not overstate your capabilities. If you are an amateur please inform Martin of that fact and he will find you a suitable mount. I would not want to have any injuries you sustain from being thrown on my conscience."

In point of fact with little provocation I would pick up one of those discarded horseshoes and hurl it at his head. I hate how he makes me feel. I hate…Leaning down my head I cannot lie anymore. I don't hate him as much as I would like to. I can't openly admit to what emotion I do feel for him but I can admit it is not hate nor even dislike although I must continue to display my dislike of him in order to protect myself. All these years not one man drew my notice and when I do feel something it is toward a man I should not find in the least attractive.

When he comes closer to me I can barely breathe. My instincts tell me to run away as fast as I can. I won't give him that satisfaction. I know he is crowding me to aggravate me as I have often shown him how deeply I dislike him or that is what I would have everyone including myself believe.

Turning angrily toward him I am prepared to tell him in no uncertain terms just what a horrid man I think he is. His face is closer to me than I had anticipated. I can smell his manly essence. He smells of sweat and some musky odor that is not unpleasant. He has bathed earlier so I also detect the scent of the soap he used. The more I inhale the deeper I fall under his spell. The air around him works on me like an aphrodisiac. Heat begins to pool in my lower belly. Clenching my thighs does not relieve the warm wetness that is caused by my sinful lust.

Opening my mouth to tell him to go to hell I am caught in the green fire of his eyes. I could drown in those eyes and blissfully submit to the deep green wonder of them. I find my mouth dry and wanting to press into his wet lips so my thirst might be quenched. Without planning to my lips open and I must have sent some signal to him for his head drops down as his hands span my waist. Before I can protest, if that had been my intention, I am pulled hard against him. His mouth crushes mine beneath his in a kiss that melts away any resistance I might have had.

Wildly we grind our mouths together. I can't touch enough of him with my hands. If I could I would meld us together so I could feel all of him with all of me. I have kissed and been brought to passion but nothing like this. At this moment I would surrender my soul if Erik would lay me down and claim me without any tenderness or care. I want him wild and abandoned. I want pure unadulterated sex. I want to do as animals do and not think of feelings or regrets.

Erik unceremoniously shoves me away and with his chest heaving and a wild look of lust in his eyes speaks brokenly to me, "Please…I did not mean…I cannot…I am so sorry." With that he turns and runs back toward the house. I wish it had been I who ended our encounter. I had not given thought to how this would affect my aunt or anyone else. All I had considered was having Erik as my lover. I am wicked and know that God will punish me for betraying my aunt's trust in this way. I should have been stronger. Erik has the excuse that he is a man and one not well versed in such things. I have not asked but suppose his liaison with Aunt Eileen to be his first sexual encounter.

I have stayed out all day even when hunger gnawed at my belly I delayed retuning home as I am still not ready to face my aunt or anyone else. Erik will not come down to dinner or perhaps for any meals for a few days. I don't know nor care what his reasons are except that he does not include me in them. I will kill him with my own two hands if he hurts Aunt Eileen by imparting what happened between the two of us in the stable then turn my retribution inward. God, what a mess I have let myself be pulled into. Why could I have not gone on hating him? Neither of us has gone out of our way to be courteous to the other.

All these years I shunned men's advances and now I lust after a man I should be happy to keep miles away from me. It makes no sense what I am feeling for this man. Everything I know about him should have my mind plotting only ways to rid us of his presence not falling asleep and dreaming of him holding me in his arms. That damn music is some demonic symphony luring me to shed all restraints and all that I know is right. Erik is some demon covered in a man's skin. He is evil, pure evil.

I want to lay it all at his feet but I am as much to blame as he is, more so as I have had a proper upbringing with teachings of the church and my own family's morals to guide me while he has lived mostly by his wits and his own rules. For every reason I find to place guilt on his shoulders I find one to counter it so that the scales stay balanced.

Dinner will have long gone cold and the aftermath cleared and put away when I at last cannot in good conscience keep Avalon out a moment longer. The chill in the night air after running and sweating will not be good for her. This at least gives me a legitimate reason to stay out another hour as I cool her off and make her comfortable with food and water after thoroughly brushing her down.

Hoping to make it to my room I am disappointed when my aunt comes into the entryway just as I put my foot on the bottom step.

"Good Lord Helene, I was all set to send a search party out looking for you. Where the devil have you been?" She comes to me to give me a tight hug which does nothing to ease my feelings of guilt.

"I am sorry. I ran into James, you remember him don't you? The young man from the farm down the road? I hadn't seen him or his family in quite some time. He invited me to lunch and one thing led to another and time simply got away from us all. I am sorry if I worried you."

Putting her arm about me she led me into the parlor where Antoinette and Meg sat in chairs by the fireplace. I felt as if everyone could read my treacherous action in my face. Aunt Eileen indicated for me to join her on the settee. I did so reluctantly.

"I will forgive your lack of consideration if there is a chance of a romance in the offing. Have you at last deemed that besotted James permission to court or am I being too inquisitive and perhaps jumping to conclusions?"

I thought to disabuse her of any notion I had any interest in James but that misconception might come in handy in the days to come. If it is believed my interest is elsewhere then it may help me to overcome this silly infatuation I have found myself mired in.

"Well nothing is set but I let it be known I wouldn't say no if he came over and asked me to ride one day or invited me to dinner one evening, with your permission of course." We both knew her permission was only for show but she liked to think she had some say in my life. Not having children of her own she had doted on me since she first married Uncle Henri and I came to live with them as a small child. I was as near to a child as she would ever have and she is the only mother I remember having.

"Well now that the mystery of Helene's absence is solved let us discuss tomorrow's outing. Antoinette has received word from Christine. She has asked that Antoinette, Meg and I come for a visit. I am sure you would be welcome too Helene dear had she known you were here. I am sure she would have included you in the invitation. It was a short note really. Rather abrupt in fact. I do hope nothing further has befallen her or Raoul."

"I am sure things are fine. She would have said something if anything were amiss. Since Erik is…well I don't think he has left the estate in the last couple of months. That I am sure we would have heard about," Antoinette looked pointedly at my aunt who blushed to the roots of her hair nearly dropping her teacup into her lap. She settled the rattling china with her free hand. The implication being, that if Erik had not been here, my aunt would be the first to know of his absence as she occupies his bed most nights.

Jealousy the likes of which I have not felt for anyone has taken hold of me in a way I do not like. My aunt more than anyone I know deserves a little bit of happiness even if it is found with someone like Erik. He has shown nothing but tender concern when we have had the occasion to be in the room at the same time. He is thoughtful and considerate of her needs. If he were anyone else I would not have any reservations. It concerns me that I am basing my perception of him on my own feelings for him and less on the kind of man I know him to be.

Clearly flustered Aunt Eileen fans herself with one hand and assures us as best she can, "Well of course I see Erik more than anyone else. I do visit him in his rooms…uh I mean I check to be certain he is being taken care of…as a guest."

Antoinette takes pity on my aunt before she blows a blood vessel trying to cover that which cannot be hidden from us. It is decided they will make the trip and I will visit James although I have no intention of doing so. I will spend the day out riding until the evening when they should all have returned from Raoul's estate some fifty miles away. Perhaps I will encourage James to pay court to me. He is a good match and handsome enough to turn anyone's head. If he is boring and thinks cows and horses are more interesting than a play or book a woman could overlook such things if she wanted or if she fell in love. Was my heart open to loving anyone else? I pray it is so, anyone but…him. He can attend to his own needs for I shall not be left alone with him thus tempting us, me, into something we will both regret.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

An Angel's Plea

Erik

When I returned to my room earlier today I had come up the back stairs that the servants use. I had gone all the way up then crossed the hall then down one flight to the door of my room. If I had to circumvent everyone by traveling a hundred miles I would have done so. Once in my room I leaned back against the door banging my head on the hard wood. If I caused enough pain perhaps I could drown out the voices in my head shouting recriminations at me.

I am a filthy, disgusting, unworthy human being. I am lower than the low. A wonderful woman has given me the greatest gifts and I have betrayed her. I had not planned to let my lustful emotions rule my body but then I did not know how weak my resolve would be once the object of my desire stood before me with her blond hair hanging down her back in a loose braid and those men's garments following each and every curve of her frame like a loving hand. When she turned to me in anger, that had not been the only emotion sparking the fire in her eyes. Blue flames shot out at me speaking of desire. I would not have recognized this a few months ago but Eileen has looked at me in the same way.

Before I lost complete control of my senses I had tried to bring a picture of Eileen to mind but the only person I saw was the woman in front of me. To have her so temptingly close and not touch her I think would have been impossible. Why do I want her so badly? She is nothing like Christine whereas Eileen has a similar look to Christine. That is not why I care for Eileen, it is just something I am aware of. I do try not to imagine Christine when we make love. For the most part I have been successful. At least I have never committed the cardinal sin of calling out Christine's name when passion fuels my senses. Eileen has called out to her Henri a number of times but I will not ever call her on that. If she finds it necessary at times to think of me as her long dead husband I am willing to let her have that fantasy. Who does it harm? I love Eileen but I am not in love with her. She is like a breath of fresh air. I feel my soul is renewed every time we are together.

Nothing makes sense right now. I really thought I followed Helene out to the stables to ride. I should have stayed as far away from her as possible the first time I looked at her and the sun was shining down casting a halo of bright light around her. She had her head bent over the needlepoint she worked on as she listened to the others converse. I have noticed that about her, she will join in during conversation but she prefers to listen more often than not, much the same as I did at the opera house. One can learn valuable information simply by letting others speak while you listen.

I cannot even seek relief in my music fearing that I might encounter Helene and finish what had begun in the stable. God knows I had not wanted to stop or leave her there. It had taken more strength to leave than it should have. My life had finally taken a path I dreamed of but never really imagined would be mine, not even my hopes and dreams concerning Christine. Now it may all turn to dust just because I have been bewitched by a deceptively innocent woman. She did not kiss me like an innocent. Her hands, which I can still feel upon my body, did not fumble or hesitate to touch me. A woman well practiced in the art of love could not have done half as well as that devil woman Helene.

Pacing around my room has not relieved me of the feverish longings in my aching loins. I will not relieve myself by using Eileen to assuage the hunger another woman created in me. To do so would defile all that we have shared and what we mean to one another.

I will not use the method of self-gratification to ease this punishment God himself must have sent to me. I deserve to suffer for what I have done.

I cannot say with certainty but I do not feel that Eileen loves me in any romantic way. She has some emotional attachment to me or she would not come to my bed. The way she speaks of Henri I have come to believe she still loves him. Remembering what an honorable man he was it does give me an uncomfortable feeling when I recall all the things I did when he ran the opera house. Without my intervention he would have stayed on for many years content to stage performances for the masses. Instead I nearly caused his death due to an overly weak heart taxed beyond what it could stand.

Eileen has whispered the words of love during the aftermath of passion but I have not mistaken it for any declaration toward me personally. Her heart was buried with her husband but she does still yearn to find that sort of love in another.

I will not think ill of her for using me as she has given me so much and shown me more kindness than a man of my sinful past deserves. Whatever she needs me to give I will give. If it is to let her imagine I am someone else then let it be so. This time I am aware the woman I am involved with does not love me with a passion that should last a lifetime. Foolishly I had let myself believe Christine would have that sort of love for me. How could she when for most of our association I lied to her? She believed me to be an angel sent by her father. No romantic love could develop on her side only on mine.

All this pacing around has gotten me nothing but more agitated. Going to bed seems the logical solution. Lying in bed I begin to count off the minutes in my head. Will she come to me tonight? What will I do if she is the one to make an advance? I cannot refuse her. Is it appropriate for a man to declare he has a headache? Knowing Eileen as I do she would lie awake all night stroking my forehead in sympathy.

I hear two taps on the door that signals she is just outside. After only a brief pause she comes in and comes to the side of the bed. She looks lovely in her white nightgown. Reaching toward the bedside table she turns out the lamp. When she is settled beside me I drape my arm over her middle and quietly ask, "Would it be alright if I just hold you tonight? For tonight I just want to feel you close to me."

She squeezes my hand and answers in a similar soft tone, "Oh course you may hold me. I love a strong mans arms around me. There is nothing like it to make a woman feel safe and loved."

I feel treacherous as another woman's face enters my mind. It is another woman's body in my arms. It is inevitable to wonder if she too imagines someone else holding her. The twinge I feel as I think of this is slight jealousy but not the same crazed see red blood dripping everywhere insanity I felt when I loved Christine. Loved? Since when do I think of loving her in the past tense? Do I not still ache for her, cry rivers of tears for her?

Giving this some deeper thought I analyze just what I do feel. There is still some sort of regard for her. There is likely always to be some part of me that keeps her memory sacred. After all did she not make me rise above being only a ghost? I was her tutor. I sculpted her voice and made it the instrument that could bring tears to the eyes of the listener. Yes, it was I who molded Christine into the woman she is today. Raoul should be kissing my feet for delivering him such a wonderful bride.

It still stings to know she is with him and what they might be doing. I suppose that is my manly pride suffering from knowing she preferred another over me. If I were to ask, I am sure Eileen would prefer her Henri to me. This path brings me to Helene and who she might have feelings for. Eileen has intimated that she had been hurt by a man when she was younger. This is the reason for Helene's display of contempt toward me. She has a grudge against all men and not me in particular at least according to Eileen. I beg to differ. I have felt that Helene has ill feelings toward me in particular and after today her efforts to show just how contemptuous her regard is for me she will redouble her efforts.

Oddly I feel a leap of anticipation as I contemplate crossing swords with Helene, at least metaphorical swords. Is it horrible to hope she pushes me beyond my control so I have an excuse to punish her in a way pleasant for me but perhaps not for her.

Slowly I disentangled my limbs from amongst the folds of Eileen's nightgown. Lying on my back with my hands behind my head I let my mind wander through many different stages of my life. Not all my years have been filled with suffering and pain. The moment Christine came into the opera house my life changed in a drastic way. She had been such a sad inconsolable little girl. Her grief after losing her father had nearly cut her off from every living soul. It had been my voice coming out of the darkness which had brought her back from the brink of letting the living world go. Her hold on reality had been only by a slim thread at best. I suppose that is why she so readily accepted me as her Angel of Music. She had needed to believe she still had a connection with her father and he had promised her an angel, an Angel of Music.

Who can say if it was wise to let her go on believing in her angel long after she should have? I would not let Madame tell her who and what I was because I was and still am a very selfish man. There were points in our association when I thought she suspected I was in reality only a man as she would ask questions and I would have to use my persuasive powers to lead her away from curiosity. I had not been ready to be only a man teaching her to sing. I had liked the idea of portraying one of God's angels. It is a bitter irony that she believed me an angel while all along I knew myself as I truly am, a monster, a user of the innocent. Perhaps I am not so changed as I would like to believe.

If I had an ounce of Christian charity in me I would leave this house and never let them see or hear from me again. I cannot leave. I will not let go of the only good and true person I have had in my life. If there is one thing I can count on with one hundred percent certainty it is that Eileen will never lie to me or betray me. I think she would rather harm come to herself before she would let harm come to those she loves. If I am counted among those she cares for then I consider myself to be the luckiest of men.

Eileen's hand searching behind her for me brings me from my private contemplation. Rolling over I drape my arm protectively over her once more. She snuggles up against me in a way I still am not used to sharing with another human being.

"Are you alright Erik? You seem sort of restless tonight. I hope Helene didn't upset you again. She is not usually so unkind. Please give her time. She will come around and come to care for you just as I do."

Can I feel any lower? Kissing the back of her neck I murmur into her cloud of dark brown hair, 'I am fine, just old memories come to haunt me. Having you here with me helps."

"I am glad I can ease any troubles you have Erik. If anything were troubling you, you would tell me wouldn't you?"

The tone of her voice gave me pause. It almost sounded as if she knew, as if she gave me an opening to confess my most resent sins. To distract her I cupped her breast. She is highly sensitive in that area. I would rather make love to her than chance saying something in a weak moment I know I would come to regret later.

"Do I need to show you how unconcerned I am with everything at the moment?" She would know I offered to make love to her. I left it up to her to choose.

"Umm, that sounds wonderful but I do think you are a bit distracted by something and besides I must be up early as I am going to visit…"

"It is alright Eileen. You may say her name without fear that I will crumble and burst into tears or become so incensed I do damage to everything in my path. I may not be completely over her but I can speak of her or hear others mention her without losing my mind. Blessedly those days are over."

She patted my hand and whispered through a yawn, "I am happy for you Erik. You deserve to be loved with a woman's whole heart. Someday…."

I do think she has fallen asleep. It has not escaped me that she did not name herself as the woman who would give me her whole heart. It does not hurt or shock me to have my beliefs confirmed. At least this time, I know exactly what to expect, at least from Eileen.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

**Desperate Times**

**_Eileen_**

Last night as Erik held me I had the odd feeling that it might be for the last time. I feel silly for having such gloomy thoughts. The sun is shining, we are going to take a nice long companionable journey at the end of which Antoinette and Meg will be reunited with their loved one. It does my heart good to know that the house is filled with happy people. Well perhaps Erik isn't quite as happy as I would like for him to be and Helene is a bit edgy and avoiding speaking to me directly. Come to think of it she hasn't looked at me all morning.

"Helene, are you sure you would not like to come? There will be plenty of room and we could make a night of it by going on in to Paris to shop then return tomorrow night."

"Thank you, but no, I do believe I would prefer to stay and visit with James. I may even hint that I would like to stay to supper."

"Well if you are sure then I have to accept that you know best but please don't leave Erik to dine alone. It would be very rude."

I heard her sigh and then rudely she comments, "I am sure being alone is something he is used to and as for others I am sure being alone is preferable to being in his company."

"Shame on you Helene for bringing up Erik's woeful past in this way. If he were present I would give you a very stern dressing down. I ask so little of you but I will ask that you see to his comfort while I am gone and keep him company should he require having you present."

I am appalled when she jumps up and leaves the table without so much as a pardon. I am baffled by the tide of red rising into her cheeks and her abrupt exit. I know she has a bee in her bonnet about Erik but I did not think it would upset her this much just to have to entertain him should he ask for her company. Honestly it is doubtful he would ask. I do believe he prefers to avoid Helene as much as she likes to avoid him.

"Perhaps you should go after her Eileen. Maybe all is not as well as it seems with this James person." Antoinette's advice is welcome but in this I think I know best. Whatever is troubling Helene she will come to terms with it then seek me out to commiserate and examine whatever issue is bothering her. She likes to deal with things in her own way before asking for my advice. Ever since she has been a little girl she has been so independent and wanting to take on the world in her own way and in her own time.

I admire her for all her sterling qualities but it does make it hard for anyone to get close to her. She seems so self-sufficient that no one would guess she had been wounded so deeply by a man unworthy of her love or loyalty. Life has left her hard. I pray that she meets someone who has the patience and fortitude to break through all her barriers.

When it is time to leave Erik is playing in the music room. Antoinette has told me how he hates to be interrupted when composing. From the sounds coming through the door Erik is in a very passionate mood. Perhaps it is me who is his muse today and not Christine. I hope I am not becoming jealous or mean spirited. I do feel a little possessive of Erik and why shouldn't I? Although nothing has been said I know we are closer than most married couples. I may not love him as I did Henri but I am very fond of Erik. I believe he understands that. Everyone, even Erik himself says he is selfish but with me he is very giving and generous. Not in any monetary way but by giving of himself when I am in need of someone right now. Soon I will need to speak with everyone about what is happening but not now, not yet. I need more time with Erik as a normal woman. All too soon everything will change. Already it is getting much harder to climb the stairs. It takes me longer to weed a small patch in the garden when just a few years ago I could do half the garden and be ready to continue working.

I must stop feeling sorry for myself. Today is a day for merriment. We women are on an excursion and by God we will enjoy our day. It doesn't take long for us to board the carriage. For today we only have a driver and one footman. Waving goodbye to Helene I look up and see Erik has stepped out onto the balcony. At first I thought he meant to wave to me but then when I saw where his eyes were directed I knew he could not be looking at me as his eyes were cast in the direction of the stone steps where Helene stood. She must have sensed his close regard for she paused with her hand midair then looked up at him. Looking from one to the other I could not see their expressions but one would need to be blind to not see that something passed between them.

Settling back into the seat I let Antoinette and Meg carry the conversation. I nodded where appropriate and must have made the appropriate verbal responses as they did not seem to know my mind was not on our conversation but on the two people we left behind. Could all of their animosity be to cover how they really feel? Have I been blind? Erik has not acted as if he had grown tired of me or…no, Helene would not encroach on my relationship with Erik. If something had happened it was nothing planned or anything they continued to indulge. I would know if they had been together in any intimate way. A woman knows these things. Besides, Helene would not do to me what that rotten no good fiancée did to her.

After an hour or so we began to drowse. Now I could devote my full attention to the matter most worrying my mind at this moment. How would I feel if Erik feel in love with Helene? Oh I do fell jealousy there is no doubt about that but I am more jealous because she has more years left than I. I am not ready for my book to end and the last page to be turned. Erik has awoken the woman I used to be, the vibrant sexual being who enjoyed being a woman in the arms of her lover.

If I must give Erik over to someone I would much rather it be to Helene than to some stranger. Studying the pros and cons of the matter it becomes apparent that Erik and Helene are very well suited to one another. What quality one lacks the other has in abundance. They are two very strong individuals. Coming to the acceptance of this liaison, now I must plot how to make it happen. If I know Helene she will fight tooth and nail against any tender feelings she may be developing toward Erik. As for Erik he is not one to forgive easily some slight. This attraction is not something either of them can control but I do anticipate resistance on the part of both of them.

Knowing Erik will have someone to comfort him when…well it will ease the burden on my mind to know he will not be alone. Antoinette and Meg will not abandon him but they have their own lives to live and with Christine still part of their family it will be awkward to say the least to stay in contact with Erik. Erik will need someone as he grieves. If I could do this in any other way I would but I cannot simply go off into the sunset and fade away. I have responsibilities I must take care of. The first thing I shall do is change my will so it includes Erik. I want him to know I am in favor of any personal development in his relationship with Helene. Erik is not the only one who will need a shoulder to cry on and arms to enfold him when things seem to be at their darkest, Helene will need someone just as much as Erik does now and will continue to need someone for as long as his nightmares haunt him.

I don't ask what troubles him on those nights he cannot lie still and cries out in terror. Knowing how poorly he had been treated I assumed his dreams were filled with events from his past.

Two hours into our journey we stopped for tea and to freshen ourselves after riding in the carriage for so long. In another hour or so we would be arriving at Raoul's estate. I did not have the privilege of meeting his parents as they became patrons of the theatre after Henri had left or perhaps it had been at the same time. I do remember hearing wonderful things about him from Antoinette in her letters. I also remember how unsettled she had sounded about the developing romance between Raoul and Christine. She had approved of the match but had reservations. Now I know what, or rather who, those reservations concerned.

Pulling to a stop in front of an impressive courtyard complete with Greek statues, our footman has hardly lain the wooden step on the cobbled drive when Raoul and Christine come rushing toward us.

"Hurry ladies there is little time. We are about to be invaded. An army has marched on Paris and uprisings have been breaking out all over the city. Shelling has begun and can be heard all the way out here. Yesterday a group of people leaving Paris stopped for fresh water. They told us about the looting and people being dragged from their homes. It isn't safe for anyone of noble blood or wealth."

"Oh mama it has been horrible. Every moment we fear troops will come marching up to this very door. We have been packing and loading wagons with as much as we can carry. Raoul withdrew as much cash as he could but it won't be worth much once things come to a head. Raoul is very smart about this sort of thing. It was his idea to use the cash to buy as much jewelry and gold pieces as he could. Those will always have worth," Christine beamed proudly toward Raoul who smiled half-heartedly toward her. Anyone could see he felt strained about what had been happening.

Living so far from Paris and any large town we don't get much in the way of day to day happenings. Letters from friends and relatives are our best resource for news. It would seem in a few short weeks war had been declared by someone and all hell had broken loose.

"Ladies, if you would permit me, I would like to place you under my protection. We have plenty of provisions and a boat is waiting for us. We will be heading to England. With things being what they are we cannot leave from any of the major ports but a friend of mine from my days in the navy has a boat he uses to haul freight. It is not luxurious and the journey will not be easy but it will take us to safety."

"Raoul I do thank you for your offer but I could not leave, not without Helene and…Helene has stayed at home. I must go back and make certain she is safe." Turning to Antoinette I urged, "Antoinette you and Meg must go. We can find one another when things have calmed down. You know how these things are. Bluster and bombs then someone sees the sense of talking instead of shooting at anything that moves. When you are settled and if the mail is running please send me your address. If it is possible I will stay in my home. Even if I do find it necessary to leave I will come back. Don't worry about…just know we all will be safe. I promise to do my best to keep us all safe."

"Madame I don't wish to rush you but time is of the essence. We must leave here within the hour. We would already have gone had we not known of your imminent arrival. Is there anything I can do to make things easier for you? We have food and fuel. If you think you might need them please just ask and it shall be done."

Impulsively I hugged him to me. He really was a sweet and generous boy and that is what he was, a boy. I can see now what attracted Christine to him. I knew they had been childhood companions and she had thought of him as a much more mature sweetheart but in fact he is as innocent as she is. Someone like Erik would have frightened her half to death with all those intense emotions he would have evoked in her. She likely did not even understand them.

"I must hurry back. Christine I am sorry we did not have time to become better acquainted. Antoinette will tell you all that has been going on. Please everyone take care and be safe." This I said as I stepped back up into the carriage. There was no time to wait for the horses to be refreshed. At some point we would have need to stop and rest but it would have to be on the road and not in the comfort of an inn. A few hours respite would all that could be spared if Raoul's predictions were to be believed and I saw no reason not to as he presenst himself to be of sound mind and honest intentions.

There would be so much to do once I returned home and so little time to do it. At any time we could be invaded or as in the past my own countrymen have been the marauders trying to take from those who have more. I am a charitable person and give to those less fortunate but I also will not make any excuses for being on a more sound financial footing than others. My parents were not born of noble lineage nor were Henri's. Our families came up the hard way, through hard work and sacrifice.

The journey back home was as tedious and awful as I imagined it would be. I worried in case something happened to everyone while I was gone. This mess could not have come at a worse time. Erik is just beginning to feel adjusted to living among others and with my illness advancing it is not a good time for me to go gadding about the country trying to outrun those who would harm me. Erik of course would protect me and Helene but still it is best not to place ourselves in danger if we need not do so.

If we have civil unrest there may not be a safe place for any of us to go. This sort of thing has happened throughout our history and the wealthy and titled are the first to go under the blade of the guillotine. Even giving the horses only a short rest and time to drink and graze we will still not make it home until the early hours of morning. If the mail had been running at a regular delivery time a letter may have come to warn us. The mail is one of the first things that ceases when there is unrest until the government takes things in hand. Communication is necessary for the wheels of civilization to run smoothly.

I am awoken from a deep sleep with a shout from the driver. We are coming to the gates of the estate. My neck and back hurt and feel very stiff. I am not as young as I would like to believe. It is not only the inside of my body that has chosen to betray me but the outer shell as well. It is too late now to wish I had accepted more of Helene's invitations to ride.

There is no time to stand on ceremony. Tossing instructions over my shoulder for new horses to be hitched to the carriage and a wagon be brought round, I fling the front door open and begin to wake the household with loud yells the like of which I have not used since I was a small child. I hear rustling and clanging coming from the servant's quarters and the kitchen. Cook will already be preparing breakfast and the other servants wouldn't have been far behind. It is better they lose a little sleep than their heads or something equally dreadful.

As soon as the maids come hurrying down the hall I inform them to begin gathering blankets, candles, sewing kits, and anything else one might need if one were to live in the wilds. Since none of us have lived anywhere but in civilized society it is hard to say which of us had the more confused look on our faces. I knew basically what would be needed but also knew that we might not find a place large enough to hold all we would need. I will give the servants the choice to come with us or head for their families homes. I will give them all we can spare without depleting much needed supplies. Things tend to get scarce whenever there is unrest.

Just as I have taken my gloves off and then begin untying my bonnet Helene comes hurrying down the stairs followed a few steps behind by Erik. Helene comes straight to me and grabs my arms then asks, "What is it? What has happened? Has there been an accident?" She pauses but only to take a short breath and to look around the foyer then continues, "Where is Antoinette and Meg? Has something happened to them?"

"If you would let her answer one question before you asked another perhaps we might be informed as to what has taken place," Erik's tone is one that is soothing yet commanding. I am amazed when Helene ducks her head and remains silent. I would have expected her to snipe at Erik. Something is not right but I haven't the time to figure it out right now.

"We made it to Raoul's and he informed us of an imminent invasion and unrest in Paris. Some army or other is headed this way and will be taking over the estates I would assume. He is taking everyone to safety. He advised me not to stay too long in France or at least not unless I can be assured of safety. I have instructed the servants to gather everything we might need to hold off a siege. The carriage and a wagon will be waiting out front just as soon as we can be ready."

"If we leave what will happen to everything, the horses and the other animals?" Now that Helene had shed her drowsiness from being awoken in the middle of the night she could better understand what I was saying and she could not keep the fear out of her voice.

"We will have to set them loose and hope they fair well on their own. We can't take them all. Soon feed will become scarce as well as our own food. We can only bring what will fit in the wagon and carriage. Everything else will have to be left to whoever lays claim to it first." I tried to sound as if I did not care about leaving all my precious things but I did. Henri and I had spent our married life collecting everything in our household that had not come from his family or mine. They were just things but every piece had a story from our life together.

"But where will we go? Wouldn't it be better to stay here and protect what we have? We could stay in the cellars if we are overrun. Running to God knows where is not the best idea Aunt Eileen."

"Helene, trust me, if I thought it wise to stay nothing could make me leave. We need to head into the mountains. I remember Henri had a cabin there but I don't really remember exactly where it is located. There is a small village nearby where we can inquire as to its whereabouts." Even saying it out loud did not convince me. This cabin was the only place I felt we could find shelter and be safe. It was so far up into the mountains as to be nearly inaccessible. Only those who knew of it would be able to find it. Besides, with spring still not yet here it will be snowy and cold still. Who would seek out such conditions to look for anyone? There were far better places to look for someone to loot than in the wilderness.

"Eileen I believe you are correct to say we must leave but might I suggest a better place to hide?"

"Oh and where would that be Monsieur Opera Ghost, L'Opéra Populaire?" Helene said facetiously.

"My, how intelligent you are to guess what I am proposing." Erik's own tone denoted he did not care for Helene's words or tone and judging by her expression she did not care for his either.

"You can't be serious. You mean to take us to a place that is now a pile of rubble? Has your insanity returned or did it never leave you? Do you not remember you set fire to the opera house and burned it to the ground? It is destroyed," she spat the last sentence out with anger and malice toward Erik.

"Mademoiselle I might caution you to keep your tone civil or I, as an insane person, might take exception to it and retaliate in a most unpleasant manner." Erik paused to give his threat time to sink in. I couldn't tell if he meant only to frighten her or if he might really do her some harm.

I felt it was time I stepped in-between them. Bickering amongst ourselves would solve nothing and could hamper us in our escape. Taking a step toward Erik I wrapped my hand around his arm to draw his attention then said, "Stop this sniping at one another. It serves no useful purpose. At the moment we need all our energies focused on our survival. We must work together if we are to stay safe. Now Erik please tell us what you have in mind."

Erik had not yet turned toward me. He and Helene were locked in a silent battle of wills as they stared at one another with fixed gazes. Whatever was between them would have to be put aside to be settled later. For now, we must concentrate on planning for what might be weeks of hiding while the country remained under siege from different factions. I waited to see who would break first, Erik or Helene.

The air crackled around us just as if some skirmish already started without a war being openly declared. Would both sides fight to the bitter end or would one or both see the sense in a temporary cease in the battle of wills?

I see some tense moments in our future. It is to be hoped we all survive.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

**Going Home **

_**Erik**_

As I stared into Helene's eyes I felt myself being pulled by invisible threads toward her. I had tried to forget what had happened earlier tonight when we met in the hall. She had been on her way to bed and I had been on my way to the kitchen to pilfer through the pantry for something to eat. Honestly I am not certain if I left my room hoping to encounter her or not. I would like to think my honor would not let me betray Eileen in that way.

When we met she had on the same trousers from this morning. After Eileen and the others had left Helene had gone riding and had not returned by nightfall. The thought of her riding in the dark risking some injury only slightly worried me more than if she were safe and sound but being charmed by that man James she claimed to have an interest in. I should be glad her interest is elsewhere as it would be easier to keep my own emotions from running amok at least one would assume so but contrarily this only churned my insides into a fiery pit of jealousy that almost had me saddling a horse to go and spy on the happy couple. That brought up painful memories of a rooftop confession that nearly destroyed me and in some ways I think it was the final nail in the coffin that drove me over the edge completely.

I had only meant to say a polite good-night then pass on by but once we were within a few feet of one another it was as if some invisible force drew us together. She stepped forward or I did, I am not certain, all I do know is that with only a brief look into one another's eyes we were in each others arms kissing as if dying from lack of water and the other was the well.

For a few instants nothing mattered but that we quench this thirst. I tasted her mouth and thrust my tongue into her sweetness boldly. I knew now where to stroke and where to touch a woman to bring her to readiness for me. Without having thought to do so I had pushed her against the wall and leaned into her so that she must have felt my arousal. What would have happened I am not sure but someone coming up the servants stairs had dropped something causing a loud thud which tore us apart with heaving chests and flushed faces. Anyone seeing us in this state would not be hard pressed to guess what activity we had just been sharing. I felt guilt fill every pore once the first waves of lust began to recede.

Before I could say anything she had spoken and sounded as if she were near to tears. I cannot bear to see or hear a woman's tears. If I have an Achilles' heel it is a woman in tears.

"Please if you care anything for my aunt stay as far from me as you can. I cannot…we must never let this happen again. I do not place all the blame on you. I participated fully. I will not betray Aunt Eileen in this way. Please I beg of you…" With that last statement choked out she fled down to her room. The last I saw of her was her skirts just barely entering the room before her door crashed shut with a resounding thud that rattled the pictures on the wall.

My stomach lost the need for food so I went back to my room where I have lain awake until I heard the carriage arriving then loud voices from downstairs. I opened my door and stepped into the hall to see Helene running down toward the stairs with her nightgown floating out behind her. I could not help but admire the brief glimpse I got of her bare calf as she raised the hem so she could increase her speed.

On my part I feel no real animosity toward Helene but I feel I must use this emotion as a means to keep from showing outwardly what I am feeling inside. Unless I am mistaken I think Helene is showing her own dislike for me as a way to keep me at arm's length and also perhaps to hide what she does feel from Eileen. Both of us have our own cross to bear and our share of blame. At the moment our focus must be on what is best for us.

I knew instantly where a perfect hiding place would be. Had it not sheltered and hid me for decades? It may be dark and damp but at least a person could find safety providing they knew where not to step.

With great effort on my part I pulled myself together enough so that I could look away from Helene. Turning toward Eileen I said as calmly as I could, "Not all of the opera house will be destroyed. The lower cellars and the tunnels below will be intact. If there is any damage it will be minimal. There are many places a person can hide and never be found."

"But how can we get in without being seen Erik? We can't just go through the streets and take the chance no one will stop us. How would we get in to your former home?" I saw him wince when I referred to the place he had lived in for the better part of his life. He had told me one night when feeling particularly vulnerable and alone that he had not thought of the opera house so much as a home but more a prison of necessity. He loved it even while he hated it with a passion. It kept him safe but it also kept him separated from the outside world.

"A mile or so outside the walls of the city there is a water drainage pipe with a padlocked gate. It is kept locked so that vagrants will not make the tunnels their home and perhaps find a way into the opera house itself. For most people the lock is a hindrance but not for me. I have been coming and going through that tunnel for many years. I only ever went a few yards from the opening in case someone came along but I feel almost certain it will not be under observation."

When Eileen puts her hand on my arm and looks at me with admiration and something like adoration I cannot help but feel affected by her regard. Too little in my life has been good and far too much has been bad. As a consequence I lap up praise like a thirsty dog at the water bowl. I know her praise is genuine and not just because she requires my help.

"Erik that sounds perfect. How long do you think it will take us to get there and is there a place where we can all live comfortable for a long time? It may be as long as a month or more."

"Eileen I don't mean to frighten you but in the tunnels one hears all sorts of things that are being said by those above. Sound travels and the tunnels traverse from the center to the four corners. Vents are in some of the older establishments that have been long forgotten as the buildings changed hands. I have made it my business to keep those vents hidden by false panels. I can see and hear what I wish. In the past I used them as a means to gather information so I knew where to make the wisest investments. It also served me to alert me to any military coup that would be taking place. The word being passed among the officials was that war seemed inevitable not only from other factions but from the downtrodden masses. If this is what is going on a blockade will likely be placed around all Frances ports and roadways in. Trains will not run. Food as well as other supplies will become scarce." I took her hands in mine so she could feel the gravity of what I was saying and that I did not overly embellish the facts.

"If we go to my home I can guarantee your safety if you follow my rules to the letter. I can make it impossible for anyone to find a way down to the tunnels from the lower cellars. I have done so many times over the years. If I had not entrusted Madame Giry with the way down Raoul would not have found me and as it is he nearly gave his life searching the underground."

"How long must we stay underground? Can we not come above at all? How on earth did you manage to live without the warmth of the sun on your face and the brush of a breeze on your face?" Eileen spoke with only slight pity in her tone.

"I managed to go out as I said through the drainpipe and also I afforded myself of the availability of the opera house roof. It is a wondrous sight at night. Many lovers would go up there for moonlight trysts. That is where…that is the place Raoul declared his intentions toward Christine. They pledged their love under Apollo's statue. If possible I would enjoy showing you the view of Paris all lit up at night." Although I spoke to Eileen my words I fear were directed toward Helene. I could see all too clearly her hair with the glow of the moon reflecting off those strands of spun gold. Her eyes would sparkle like diamonds. She is beautiful but under the stars and with a full moon she would be breathtaking. I shall have to watch myself lest I lose sight of my vow I made to myself to keep my distance from her and also to curb my growing desire.

"Erik, do you really believe it is safe? What about…will it not be painful to return after such a short time?" I could hear real concern in Helene's voice. I am surprised she could feel something so tender toward me after what I had done. Even though she did not at first protest I should have been stronger. I will truly try in the future for all our sakes.

After reassuring them as best as I could we parted to pack what we would need. I told them to bring as much warm clothing as they could. Trousers would be best as some of the tunnels were uneven and one had to step up or down. If there had been time for amusement I would have teased Eileen for looking stunned to be instructed she should wear men's trousers rather than her normal attire. Helene on the other hand had merely nodded her head in assent, being of a practical mindset. I had not overstressed the dangers nor the difficulties ahead should we return to the opera house. A few of the tunnels had to even be accessed by crawling on ones stomach for a short distance. The smaller tunnels were mostly the natural open pockets in the subterranean makeup of the ground. Others were manmade.

I had nearly packed the few items that Eileen had found in some old trunks and given to me when it occurred to me that I would be trapped for an unknown number of days with two women. One of them my lover and the other a woman I wished to make my lover. Sitting down on the bed I sorted through all the emotions this revelation brought to me. During my pursuit of Christine and even before I lost my head over her, I had been content with the few spare hours she would allow me. Now I would be for all intents and purposes forced into the company of both women in what would become very intimate quarters. I could walk about freely as I know my way around but they do not and I do not think it a good idea to show them the safe passages in case one of them takes it into their head to wander alone. One slight error in judgment would bring down some nasty consequences to the unsuspecting intruder or person gadding about where they should not.

I shall have to make it perfectly clear they are to obey my commands without question. Eileen I believe will not question my authority but as sure as I am the former Phantom Helene will pit her will against mine which will lead to one of us getting killed by some trap or by one another.

I know even as I think this that I am lying. I would not hurt a hair on Helene's beautiful head. I would sooner cut off one of my own limbs than harm her in any physical way. Words, now those I think we shall hurl at one another regularly. It is a safe way to keep the other at bay. I dare not let any of what I feel for Helene show as it might hurt Eileen and I feel similarly about her as I do Helene.

Before I couldn't keep one woman in my home, now I shall have two of them climbing down into my little pit near hell with willing steps. I can't help but wonder how much of my old lair is still intact or if all it has been destroyed. I know my secret cache will be safe. I did not spend all that money I extorted over the years and being a wise investor did not keep it all in cash. Gold, silver, diamonds and other valuable means of exchange are hidden in a vault I built deep in the catacombs just on the other side of where the tunnels begin underneath the opera house. Not many go into those deep depressing burial grounds. One must be on friendly terms with death in order to walk those passages lined with long ago fallen Frenchmen.

Not wishing to waste any more precious time I finish packing and take one last long look at what had been my first real home above ground since my memories of the cage at the fair. I barely recall any of my life before that. I much prefer to carry this memory as my home than any other, even the opera house.

**A/N: Many thanks to all who are leaving reviews and to those reading but not reviewing I do appreciate your interest. Without readers what would be the point? Chocholate brownies for everyone. Well...I'll eat a brownie on your behalf and lift my glass of milk to salute you.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

**A Life Most Worthy **

_**Helene**_

I listened as Aunt Eileen gave the servants instructions to those who wished to stay for as long as it seemed safe. The others she gave as much money as she had to spare. She advised them to use it immediately or it may not be legal tender anymore.

Erik came into his own as he organized the loading of the wagon. I imagine his years ordering the managers and Antoinette around left him qualified to supervise others while they worked not that he didn't do his share of heavy lifting. I know this because I could not help but watch as his muscles moved and bunched under his shirt. Once he had begun loading supplies he must have worked up a sweat because he took off his jacket. I know the shirt is one left from when Uncle Henri was alive and I can't help but think that my uncle had never filled it out half as well.

Since I can no longer control my thoughts I will let them wander where they will where Erik is concerned. No one is privy to the inner workings of my mind so it is safe for me to have such wicked pictures of Erik without worrying if my aunt will be hurt or if anyone will think I am a loose woman.

I opted to sit on the top of the supplies for the first leg of the journey. That would leave Erik and Aunt Eileen some privacy in the carriage. Fresh air was the excuse I used even if it did sound flimsy. I just knew I could not stand to sit across from them for such a long time and not go insane or say something horrid that would have me looking like a mean old biddy. Where Erik is concerned it is either kiss him senseless or denigrate him in such a way he gives me as good as he gets. If I make him hate me then it is safe to say he won't be kissing me any time soon unless he too has given into this madness I am feeling toward him.

Not long into the journey I wished I had not volunteered to ride outside the carriage. The dust swirling up nearly choked the breath out of me. The horse and carriage in the front set up a heavy cloud of dust and add to that the horses hitched to the wagon and a cloud of thick grey encompassed those of us taking up the rear of our entourage.

When we stopped for water at a wayside inn I didn't care that horses had drank from the trough as I wet my handkerchief to wipe away the grime. Since we wouldn't be staying in the inn we could not very well avail ourselves of its comforts. A few coins in the hands of the stable boy assured he would not report that travelers stole the innkeeper's water.

I hate to agree with anything Erik says but I do feel he is right in that we can't take the chance of staying anywhere in case there are soldiers doing routine checks in the surrounding areas. It will be safer to sleep outdoors and prepare our own meals. For tonight I am sure it will be some leftover bread, cheese and maybe we can open a jar of olives. We didn't bring much of the wine from the wine cellars as we could not spare the room. Other things were more important than wine such as food and clothing.

Having taken that much needed respite we once again headed toward Paris. I give no explanation as to why I take a seat in the carriage but I suspect that Erik knows as he smirks from across the other seat. Aunt Eileen is just happy to have me to converse with about things that could not possibly interest Erik.

I have to confess to feeling somewhat excited about seeing the place the infamous Opera Ghost and Phantom roamed about so freely and with such malevolent control over everyone and everything. I do remember the times we would visit the opera house and the hustle and bustle of everyone practicing dancing and singing, the cleaning crews making sure everything was always spic and span for the next performance. As a young girl I heard the stories of the haunting of the opera house and felt childish delight and often would wander about the halls looking for some ghoulish specter hoping to get a good look at him. If I had met him I would like to think I could have stood my ground but as a child I hated dark dreary places and feared what lived in those shadowy areas. Little did I know what did actually live there in those dark spaces. I have to wonder if he ever saw me. I suppose he must have. I wonder what he thought of me then. He would have been only a young man then, perhaps in his teens.

I also remember the first time I met Christine. It was more a quick hello than anything. Funny that I had forgotten that day until now. I remember her speaking of an angel coming to comfort her during the night. Back then I thought she told a lie and almost called her on that fact but Meg had told me about Christine losing her father so I let her have her fantasy. Turns out it wasn't a fey idea of an impressionable child.

To give credit where it is due Erik happened on the perfect crime. Using the superstitious beliefs of the masses and Christine in particular, he created two very believable and powerful entities. That he not only used his identities to frighten everyone and keep them out of his domain, he also used that power over the long succession of managers to extort money and free use of box five. I would imagine he had availed himself of other opera house perks as well such as food, clothing and furnishings. How else would a ghost make his home habitable?

I didn't want to feel admiration or anything positive about him but could not help but feel them just the same. He truly was an extraordinary man. Given the position of a normal man I must confess that I think Erik would have been a wonder the likes of which the world has never seen. Under Aunt Eileen's tender guidance he is sure to evolve into the man he was meant to be. It is hard to quell my jealousy but I cannot completely squash it but do tamp it down a bit so that green fire does not shoot out of my eyes every time Erik leans over to whisper in her ear although my insides clench tightly and I feel the burning in my stomach. Likely this will all end with me dying from an ulcerated stomach.

My head is lolling as sleep has nearly claimed me when out of the blue Erik says commandingly, "Ladies it is of the utmost importance that you listen and obey my every command. It is for your safety not my need to control the masses as one would have you believe." He looks pointedly at me. What have I said to infer that I think he is a controlling bastard? Reconsidering some of our conversations I perhaps did insinuate, if not blatantly accuse him of trying to control the world by using the fear and ignorance of others against them.

"Erik I give you my word I will do everything exactly as you instruct. I trust you implicitly." Aunt Eileen may have been speaking but Erik is looking at me. I can feel his eyes boring into my head as I determinedly look out at the passing scenery. I know what he wants to hear and I hesitate to give him any such pledge as I fear that some time in the future I feel I will have need to break my word and I am a person who doesn't give a promise lightly.

I mumble something, anything to appease him but he is not fooled one bit. He wants me to spell it out in black and white as he commands, "Speak up Mademoiselle. I did not quite hear what you said."

If we were alone I'd give him an earful and then he would wish to be deaf to stop the flow of acid from my tongue. All this malice roiling around inside of me is a smokescreen, a defense mechanism against what is developing between Erik and I. I won't, no, I can't let this go any further. I must fight this infernal attraction. He is the last person I should be having any sort of romantic interest in or indeed any sort of interest at all. What drew my tenderhearted aunt to him is no mystery but what boggles my mind is why I feel anything more than pity for him and that emotion should be given grudgingly because of his past criminal activities.

"I said I will adhere to every command you shall impose on me." Could I help it if I sounded as if he were a dictator and I one of the conquered masses?

He gave me a toothy smile just to spite me. I would rather think of smacking his face than kissing those lips he spread into that smile. Kissing and thinking of them were not things I will allow myself to think of in regard to Erik. At this point it occurs to me that I should perhaps have sent word to James and his family. James would have been a wonderfully safe barrier between how I feel about Erik and the desire I can see just lurking below the surface when he looks at me.

Within ten minutes of the walls of Paris we stop as Erik instructed the driver to pull into a copse of trees. Stepping out of the carriage he turns to say, "Please remain in the carriage while I scout around to make sure no one is about. I don't want it known this entrance is so easily accessed."

His eyes bore into mine with a silent message I read all too clearly but refuse to acknowledge as I turn my head away. I may find him attractive symmetrically but the inner man leaves much to be desired. He is far too domineering for my taste. I only turn back around when Aunt Eileen speaks to me as her eyes follow Erik's progress.

"Helene please try not to upset him. He will only ask us to do what is necessary. He did not survive all these years by being careless. If anything should happen to either of you because of something as silly as your willful disregard of common sense, I shall not be pleased." Her sniffle tells me more than her words just how worried she is.

Leaning across to pat her knee I reassure her, "I promise I will do nothing that will place any of us in danger. I only provoke him because he thinks too highly of himself and his abilities. He is an arrogant bas…Well we all know what he is." I tempered my last words as my aunt gave me the look that meant to censure what I said.

She sighed happily and said, "Yes we all know what he is." I do not care for the pictures popping into my head of just how well they know one another. I reinforce my vow not to begrudge my aunt her affair with Erik. She deserves some happiness and if he gives that to her then I will suffer any amount of petty jealousy. It is only because I had known the kiss of a man and been introduced briefly to passion that I found myself thinking of Erik in those terms. That logic let me keep my pride just a little.

If I thought she would go with me I would tell the drivers to go now and leave Erik behind. Only the fact that I know the drivers will be leaving us once they have helped to settle us keeps me from doing something so daring. If they didn't have families they wished to rejoin I am sure they would stay with us.

Erik returned and his demeanor was somber, much more so than when he left us. It must be disconcerting to return to a place that had been a source of security but also the source of his greatest pain and humiliation. Even I feel some sympathy for him. I am after all not made of stone even if I like to give others that impression.

Gravely the men begin to unload the supplies and take them someplace far into the underground. We, as women have been told to remain comfortably seated in the carriage while the men toil in the heat. As Aunt Eileen and I are wearing trousers we could very well have carried something even if it was only our blankets and pillows.

As I glance across at my aunt I can see she is perspiring and breathing heavily. It is a little airless inside the carriage now that it is motionless. These spells have been coming more frequently but whenever I question her or caution her about seeing a doctor she tells me that she is fine and has already sought a doctor's advise. All she will tell me is that he has told her it will pass in time. I don't see any medicines or any kind of treatment he might have prescribed to her. How can she be rid of whatever ails her if we do nothing?

Lifting up one of the canteens we have brought filled with water I pass it to her asking if she would care for a drink. Gratefully she smiles at me but it is a shadow of her usual vibrant look. Lifting the canteen she drinks deeply and her hand begins to shake as if even that small weight is too much for her in her weakened state.

I am worried she won't be able to walk the distance to Erik's home. I know it must be far down and a very long walk to even reach the underbelly of the opera house. We are some distance from Paris and must travel through intersecting pipes even before we reach the tunnels. Erik had painstakingly told us just how far and dangerous the route would be.

After an hour I stop Erik on his return to ask if he could place a blanket in the shade of a tree so Aunt Eileen could lie down and rest. A worried look crossed his face as he quickly got in the carriage to assess for himself how she looked.

"Are you alright Eileen? Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable? Is there anything you need?" He sounded so worried I almost let myself care just a little whether or not he returned after his next trip back into the underground.

"I am fine. It is just this heat. I can hardly breathe." She fanned herself to prove her point if she needed to but Erik was already feeling her forehead and taking her pulse. He frowned as if he did not like what he found.

"Please forgive me for being so inconsiderate. Of course you must come out and rest. It will be only about another hour then we will all go together. If you need my assistance please tell me. I am strong and can easily carry you."

She patted his hand as if her were a little boy and her little tsking sounds were the same she used on me when I was a small girl. Erik didn't seem to mind. I began to let myself believe in things I probably shouldn't. They looked more like mother and son than lovers. If not for the fact that they had shared intimacies I could very well believe them to only be two people who cared deeply for one another on a platonic level. This foolish line of introspection is pointless. They are and will continue to be lovers.

I wonder if I can slip away when our drivers leave. Would anyone notice I had left before they went to enter the pipe? I feel superfluous as Erik hovers over Aunt Eileen and she is running her hand over his face to sooth and assure him she is only tired and flushed from the heat. It pains me to watch as he takes her hand and kisses the palm. My own palm is tingling and I clutch my fingers into a fist as if that will cover my shame.

"Helene if I carry Eileen can you follow with the blanket and the canteen?" He is more worried now than he was before. I wonder if he has some doctor's training or merely read about such things in books. Antoinette said he is very well read and self-taught in many subjects.

He waited for my answer with a look on his face that told me he expected me to argue. Well if he doesn't know it now he will learn that when it comes to my aunt I would do anything to keep her well and happy. If making nice with him is required I will do it and bury my own damn emotions as far down as I can manage to shove them.

"Oh course Erik. Just lead the way," I said with unaccustomed congeniality, at least where Erik is concerned. His brow over his left eye rose nearly to his hairline in surprise and my damn inquisitive mind wondered if his right brow rose as well.

Having settled down in the shade I let her dose. The hours rest would refresh her for the long walk and then if necessary Erik will carry her the rest of the way.

With only a brief farewell our two drivers left us as it was growing darker by the minute and they had more road to travel. Our own journey started when we entered the pipe. As we splashed through water I am glad to have boots on instead of shoes. I can't help but notice that Aunt Eileen cuts quite an attractive figure in her trousers. She may have filled out in the last few years but some men preferred a woman with ample curves.

After only twenty or so minutes I noticed Aunt Eileen beginning to slow her steps and clutch at her chest. Her breathing seemed to be swift and shallow. Being the brave soul she is not one word of complaint has left her mouth. Making the decision for her I call out to Erik who is pushing a wooden cart on a two barred track with the last load of our supplies. If it hadn't been filled we could have placed my aunt in that. This is another of Erik's clever inventions.

"Erik, please slow down. Is it safe to rest?" At first I think he intended to ignore me but after a few more steps he did stop and turn toward us. He took one look at her and brushed aside her protests as he picked her up. He told me to push the cart. When I looked at him as if he had lost his mind he told me it was a slight downhill slope and that made it easier to push than it looked. When we come to the place where we must continue on foot we could leave the cart and he would return for it later.

For the rest of the way I worried over my aunt's condition. She seemed to be having more of her spells than normal. It could be the stress of everything and so much physical activity that brought this on. I hope that is all it is. If anything were to…no, I won't even think it. She will be fine. She is a good and God fearing woman and nothing is going to happen to her. I will not allow it. What a simplistic fool I am to think anyone can control life or death to the extent of forbiding death to claim his rightful charge.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

**Tentative Truce **

_**Erik**_

Eileen is a burden that I would carry over a bed of hot coals if it made her life easier and she asked it of me. For her I think there is not one single request she could make that I would not make my life's work to fulfill. I may not love her in the same passionate way I thought I loved Christine but what is in my heart is a gentler sort of love, more stable and true.

With Christine I could be gentle but I could also be cruel and unkind and often I was both. I have shown Eileen the less attractive side of my personality and she did not react in any hostile way in return. Her calm demeanor and the way she scolded me for my bad behavior baffled me so that I did not know how to react to her and so by not having my usual immediate destroy my enemy mindset I am able to calm down and deal with my anger in an acceptable manner.

Helene disturbs me both on a physical level and an emotional level. I should not care what she thinks of me but I do. I want her to see me as a normal man not some heathen brought over on a boat without any idea of civilization and manners. My years in the opera house have helped me to adopt the airs of the wealthy and those of noble standing. I am a man who can mimic what I see and hear. Ventriloquism is something one of the older gypsies had taught me. It amused me to use it in the opera house to frighten and confuse everyone. There are so many talents I possess that set me apart from a normal man and yet it is my face that is the greatest defining attribute that others use to judge me.

I am conflicted how to proceed with my current situation. Once we are settled in one of my safety rooms we will not come out very often if at all until there is no sound of shelling. Sounds from above reverberate down here. Someone can whisper at one end of the pipe and it will be carried to the other end.

Everything happened so fast it gave me little time to examine just how I would feel about returning to my home in the ground. I wondered now if they looked at me and saw some burrowing animal. What man would willingly bury himself alive as I did? I am beginning to see that I should have made an attempt to find a life aboveground once I grew old enough to fend for myself. I had skills that might have procured me a job. Not everyone in the world is narrow-minded and suspicious just because someone is different.

With Eileen in my arms I find myself still thinking of Helene. Why I care what she thinks of my home or me I believe I know but it is not something I want to openly admit. Why could my heart not settle on someone less…well less stressful? Christine had given me plenty to be stressed about but a lot of it was of my own doing. She had been malleable most of the time and only showed willfulness when de Chagny came back into her life. Even his taking notice of her had been my fault. If I had not sabotaged Carlotta, Christine would not have taken to the stage and Raoul might have remained oblivious that the new up and coming diva was none other than his childhood sweetheart Christine Daaé.

I can poke, prod and examine every detail and it will remain the same disastrous love affair as it was written in the stars. Christine and I simply were not meant to be as much as I had wanted it and still feel in some part of me that I hold her memory sacred. Time will heal that wound and maybe keep that memory for me as some gentle reminder of the sweet innocent girl who made my life less lonely for a time.

All those moments I spent down here wandering about like some lost soul, alone and lonely, they were moments I counted down until I could be with her once more. With her I felt alive and not like some long dead buried corpse. I did not feel so much like the Opera Ghost or Phantom of the Opera when I could see and hear her. I felt like me, merely a man named Erik. It puzzles me why I did not bother to reveal my true name to Christine. Did I want her to continue to think of me as her angel rather than the demented man she had seen in those last few months of our association? Yes, perhaps that is it. Better to be otherworldly than thought of as an insane man of substance.

Glancing down at Eileen I can see in the dim lighting that she is looking better. Her breathing is now even and regular. If I felt her pulse I imagine it will have returned to a normal rate. I am worried about her. These spells she has she tells me are nothing but people do not nearly pass out several times a day because nothing is wrong. I must get her to tell me what it she suffers from so that I might be able to treat her ailment or at least know how to deal with it more successfully.

"How are you feeling Eileen? It won't be much longer."

She opens her eyes and smiles as she answers, "I am feeling better. In fact I think I could walk now."

"I will hold you for a while longer. At the next juncture we must take the tunnel that must be traveled on our hands and knees. We will leave the cart and I will return for the provisions after I have the two of you settled." She closes her eyes once more and I am sure I feel her sigh against me. She is not as eager to walk as she would have me believe.

"How are you doing with the cart? Are you finding it easy to manage?" Being a man and knowing how men should behave it bothers me that she is behind me pushing a cart that weighs nearly three times what she does. True it is downhill but still it is not something a woman should be doing.

"I am fine. As you said it is relatively easy to push. I do have to say though it shows me just how out of shape I am. My arms and legs are beginning to burn from the strain. I can only imagine how you must be feeling." Was that genuine sympathy I heard coming from her? I couldn't help the pleasant sensation her words brought to the region where my heart beat. One small gesture from her and I am ready to forget all the past hurtful things she has said to me.

Further discussion would have to wait as we had come to the part of the tunnel we must all crawl through. I wished now that years ago I had dynamited the passage to enlarge it. Something else had always seemed more important. I asked them to wait as I took a couple of oilcloths from the top of the pile. They were far from clean but they did not have rat dropping or bat guano coating them. It had been fine for me and the other two men but I would not let them soil their hands and knees that way.

Placing the two lengths together I am able to cover the full length of the crawl space. It only stretched about fifteen feet but those fifteen feet could seem like miles if one became claustrophobic.

Lifting Eileen up into the crawlspace presented me with no problems. My dilemma came to light when it came time for me to lift Helene into the same space. Hesitantly my hands spanned her waist. Her chin touched her chest so I could not see what reaction she had to my touching her so intimately but if she cared to look down my reaction to her closeness and touching her so intimately could clearly be seen at the front of my trousers. I hated this even while I reveled in the sensation. The leap my mind took from merely spanning her waist to her legs wrapped around mine came without any encouragement from my conscious mind. These thoughts shame me but I cannot control them and a part of me knows I do not wish to try.

Just before I lifted her into the darkness of the crawlspace she did look up at me. What I saw there nearly had me coming undone. Raw desire gleamed back at me reflecting exactly the emotion I felt for her. I would have lost my head if she had not taken a step back breaking the spell that had gripped us both. Coming to my senses I wasted no time getting her where she needed to be and out of my personal space. When I am near her I feel crowded and unable to breath normally. It is as if her very presence sucks the oxygen from the air. It is illogical and annoying but I can do nothing to change what happens when she is near. I lose all sense of myself if I come too close to her captivating essence. If I were a believer of such things, I'd declare her a witch for surely she has bewitched me, cast a spell on me. I must fight this, whatever it is. It will only end with someone being hurt and I will not have it be Eileen. She has given me too much for me to betray her trust in me. As soon as I am certain all is safe and we can return above I will leave them and never let them set eyes on me again. It will once again leave me with an open wound but then my life has been a series of wounds on my body and my heart and I have survived each and every time. Surely I can survive one more.

Instead of taking them to the place we will be staying I lead them to my former home. It breaks my heart to see my beautiful organ bent, broken and partially torn apart. Images of Christine still cover the walls but some have been torn down and tossed to the floor. All the furniture has been removed and since no pile lies on the stone floor I imagine one of the mob is now wearing my fine clothing and shoes. Lucky for me I had chosen to wear my fine pair of boots for my first appearance on stage as a performer as they came in handy as I trudged through the water that never seems to abate at this end of the tunnel system. The shallow end of the lake is just a few feet from where I had built the main part of my home. Three natural ledges formed perfect stages for different parts of what I liked to refer to as my parlor, music room and kitchen on the second level and the third contained my bedroom. The third space is where I had brought those thick heavy boards from which I had carved a phoenix. A bout of whimsy had overtaken me when I first tackled the project of carving out my own bed frame. I hated this place as much as I loved it. Two opposing emotions in equal measure. Fearing they would not appreciate just what a beautiful place I had made here I would not meet either of their glances.

The broken mirrors still remained as they had been when I left. Stepping to the shore I glance over at the still raised portcullis. Closing my eyes that last scene begins to replay in my mind. All the hurt, anger and confusion of those last moments return with aching blows. For a moment I panic as I remember Christine's ring and don't know what has happened to it. It is all I have left of her that is tangible and this is not even a token of my affection for her but Raoul's. Reaching my hand into my pocket my fingers wrap around that solid ring so tightly that the stone digs into my flesh. I welcome the pain as it lessons what I feel in my chest.

"Erik it must have been wonderful down here. I know it seemed like a gilded prison but still…I am sorry all your things are gone. Would you like for us to help pick up the pictures? The pictures of…of Christine?"

I don't need to turn around to know she is already bending down to gather those sheets of paper strewn so carelessly around the stone floor. Another woman would be jealous and want to rip them apart or burn them. Eileen is a special caliber of woman. She thinks with her heart and hers is generous and giving.

When I do face them again I first see Helene and she has one of my drawings in her hands. She is gripping the edges so tightly the paper is crumpling. Her mouth is tight and I cannot say what emotion is on her face. It must not be anything pleasant as she almost flings the paper back to the floor.

Strangely this does not bother me. Moments ago as I recalled my last moments here it might have angered me to see her toss a precious image of Christine so carelessly aside. Maybe I have needed to come here as a catharsis. A boil should be lanced instead of left to fester and become further infected. It strikes me as amusing that one moment I am near to tears and worrying about having lost Christine's ring and in the next minute I am comparing her to a boil needing to be lanced. I am sure she would not appreciate that comparison but then as I shall never see her again she will never know that I found something about my sordid affair with her amusing.

Eileen has already picked up the majority of drawings from the floor. Holding them against her chest she is still looking around in fascination. It is not hard to guess that she is trying to picture how all of this looked when I lived here. Just to please her I set about lighting as many candles as I could find, which to my surprise turned out to many more than one would have thought to find in a looted home.

Immediately I went back in time and could hear the notes of my organ resounding around the grotto. I can hear Christine's last clear note fading away. The acoustics is the reason I choose this particular place to settle. It suited my needs. When I sang and played it made it seem as if I performed for more than just an audience of one. In fact Madame Giry had told me that at night when all the opera house had gone quiet my music seemed to vibrate the walls and travel to almost every corner of the building. I had been elated when she told me that for it then did give me an audience even if they were being forced to listen.

Taking the papers from her hands I say with real gratitude, "Thank you. These…these are all that is left of her other than…" I couldn't tell her about the ring, not with Helene listening so avidly. Maybe later if we got a private moment I might tell her a little more about my life here and my association with Christine.

"Erik you don't have to say anything. I know about…well Christine told Antoinette and she told me. We were not gossiping just commiserating on the sadness and needless tragedy of it all. It doesn't affect how I feel about you and you have a right to keep any memento you wish. I have brought my own memento from my time with Henri. It is something I am rarely without."

She stepped closer to me and lifted the locket that always hung from a chain around her neck. I have never asked what picture might be inside as I thought that would be a breach of her privacy. I recognized the man as Henri Lefèvre, her deceased husband. This, if nothing else, proved just how much she still cared for him. She always kept him close to her heart. It made me feel ashamed that Christine's token resided in my trouser pocket.

This woman would never cease to amaze me with her generosity of spirit. Any other woman would gouge her eyes out rather than let her man keep anything that reminded him of a former lover. As I looked over to Helene she stood there with her feet spread wide and her hands on her hips. Her face was set in a frown and I am sure the squint of her eyes was meant to shoot lightening bolts directly at me. What had her so angry at me this time? I had done nothing unless she felt anger on behalf of her aunt. If Eileen did not mind why should Helene? I revised my idea of women gouging their own eyes out as I thought Helene would likely gouge out the eyes of any man who did not please her on the matter of love and loyalty. I wonder if her ex fiancée is buried somewhere in France. Eileen mentioned him but did not say if he still walked among the living. At the moment I would not like to test my skills against Helene as she does seem to be in a very mean mood.

"Shouldn't we be settling into our cave or whatever it is we will be using as our hideaway?" Helene asked in a caustic tone directed at me.

"Of course, I just thought there might be something here we could use. I will have a better look later. To get to where we are going we must use the boat."

"Boat?" Helene nearly croaked the word.

"Helene it can't be a very big boat and the water isn't very deep, is it Erik?" Eileen pleaded with her eyes for me to reply in the affirmative. For a moment I considered taking the route that would take us through the deepest part of the lake but reconsidered when I saw the look of real terror on Helene's face. What frightened her so much about getting in a boat? Was it the boat or the water that concerned her or perhaps it was a combination of the two?

Stepping closer to me Eileen leaned in to whisper, "When Helene was a small child she went on a trip down the Seine for a pleasure cruise for a couple of days with her parents. The captain had been drinking and broadsided a ship anchored offshore. Her parents were on deck and were tossed overboard and were pushed underneath the sinking ship. They were never seen again. Now she does not care for boats or water unless in a tub."

Helene looked as if she had been turned to stone. I found my feet moving toward her before I knew I intended to do any such thing. Gently I said, "Come to the edge of the water with me. Please, trust me." I used the persuasive tone that always turned Christine into a malleable puppet. It worked on Helene as she put her hand trustingly into mine. I could feel the trembling in her fingers.

At the edge of the water I had her sit so I could take off her boots. When that task was done I rose above her and extended my hand toward her and instructed in the same gentle monotone, "Trust me Helene. Nothing bad will happen. You may hold my hand as long as you need to."

After a brief hesitation she at last placed her hand in mine. Assisting her to her feet I then lead her to the very edge of the water. Her toes are just touching the water. Putting my arm around her back I pull her against me. When she cuddles in closer I nearly forget my purpose for this closeness. Her face is pressed into the side of my chest with her shoulder tucked under my arm. Feeling the surge to my manhood I step back just a little so that my hip is not pressed firmly into her stomach. This is not the time to be having this sort of reaction and not to her at all. I feel faithless and worthless with Eileen looking on blissfully unaware of my lecherous thoughts about her niece.

Needing the coldness of the water to deflect my raging libido I go out into the water to where it is not quite deep enough to reach the tops of my boots. Still holding on to her I scoop up a palm full and let it trickle down like gentle raindrops. Her eyes are glued to the droplets but at least her shivering has stopped and she isn't pulling away.

"It is just water. I promise I will only take you over the parts of the lake that are no deeper than the water we are standing in. If the boat should capsize all you need to do is stay calm and stand up. If it would ease your mind I will stay outside the boat to pull it along so that I can make sure it stays steady."

"You…you promise it is safe? You won't let go?" There is still a trace of fear in her voice but not the blinding terror she displayed earlier.

"I give you my word I will let nothing happen to you. If Antoinette has told you anything about me I hope it is that once I give my word I do keep it. I may tell lies but not if I give my solemn word to someone. Is it not fortunate that not one of those managers thought to ask for my word not to haunt them or terrorize their theatre?"

"Oh so you do admit it is not your theatre and that you were merely a criminal using a ruse to gain profit."

Ah she is back. Not quite her former biting tone but enough to prick anyone with thinner skin than mine. I have to say it is annoying to have someone sniping at you all the time but it can also be stimulating and with her I need no added stimulation.

When I would have gone back to join Eileen I feel a tug at the side of my shirt. Helene pulls me back to her side then looks up at me with something unreadable in her eyes. At least it is not dislike.

"Thank you Erik. I…I do trust you." She paused then added in case I let her statement go to my head, "In this I trust you."


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

**Forced Truce **_**Eileen**_

I am amazed at how gentle and understanding Erik is toward Helene as she has not been kind nor considerate of his feelings. Any other man would have laughed at her weakness and stressed the fact that she presented this attitude of self-reliance and self-confidence and yet was afraid of anything deeper than a puddle. The vessels that floated on top of the water she placed no trust in whatsoever either.

I lost count of the number of times Erik reached back to rest his hand on top of Helene's and although I could not hear what he said I knew he murmured something to her. Since she made no response, either negative or positive, I don't know if she has even noticed.

The boat and the water don't bother me but the silence does. The feeling of being in a tomb is not pleasant either. The walls of the tunnels in this area are lined with green. Even the water looks green. Erik had gone ahead in the boat to light the torches that lined the stone walls. The flickering of the flames meant that fresh air from outside found a way to enter the underground. That gave me some comfort to know there was a way out even if I couldn't find it.

As he had promised Erik stayed outside the boat pulling it slowly behind him. Every so often he would look back and asked if we were alright in-between those times of private comfort toward Helene. He did not speak to Helene any more than me but I could not help but see the little smiles of encouragement he kept sending her along with the touch of his hand. After a short while he earned her trust enough that she loosened her grip on the sides of the boat. Her fingers had looked as if they might break under the force of her grip. It is Erik's soft-spoken words that she listens to with such rapt attention. I can't help but be a little jealous at this connection they have made. It is what I want but still, a woman likes to believe she is the only one who can make her lover happy.

I am so proud of the progress Erik is making. I won't say he is completely a changed man but well on his way. If allowed to show it, Erik has a deep well of tenderness from which he can draw. I can't help but picture him with a son or daughter. I think with a little guidance from the right woman he could be a wonderful father. I know for certain he could teach a child many things. I don't know if Erik would even want to chance having a child. He may be afraid to pass on his affliction and I can understand his fear. Again, with the right woman he could be shown that a mother's love is an unbreakable bond. Once it is forged nothing in heaven or on earth can sever it. For whatever reason, Erik's mother did not have the strength to love him. Even if half what Antoinette told me is true, Erik's childhood must have been hell and those responsible will answer to a higher power. They forged a path for Erik no man is meant to travel. Loneliness and separation can do strange things to a person's mind. Leave a sane man alone without any stimulus and he will eventually lose his sanity.

Erik stops walking just as we come to a small inlet that shoots off to the left. It is filled with the supplies already brought in. Erik still must return to get the things out of the cart. Maybe I can persuade him to leave it be until morning. Everything we need is here already. What is left is just the extra food stuff and odds and ends.

"Erik why not leave the rest of the things in the cart until tomorrow? We can organize things tonight, get something to eat then get some much needed sleep."

He glanced at Helene who had dropped to the stone floor as soon as she stepped out of the boat. He took a step toward her then seemed to collect himself as he turned abruptly away before addressing me. "Perhaps it would do us all good to have things to do. Choose a spot that looks like home to you and we shall begin making our beds. After that I will light a fire. It stays the same temperature pretty much all the time, damn cold and slightly damp. A fire is a necessity once the body is at rest and not making the heat required to stay warm."

"Erik you would have made an excellent teacher. You have such a vast amount of knowledge to pass on."

"I was a teacher," his deadpanned tone distracted me for a second then I caught the drift of his words.

"Well of course you were a teacher to Christine but I meant you would have been a credit to anyone you taught. You could have taught…well you could have taught anyone any number of different subjects."

"Anyone who had been blind, yes, I could have taught them."

"Oh Erik you frustrate me so. I am not up to having this conversation at the moment but be sure that we will revisit it at a later date. Now as to where to put my bed, let me see…there, right there in the little niche in the wall. I think it is saying welcome home."

I am gratified to hear a low chuckle from Helene. At last she has recovered from the strain of being in a boat and on the water. Hoping to further her recovery I ask cheerily, "And where do you hear the words welcome home calling to you Helene?"

"Oh, well, I do believe that spot right there just a little bit behind that natural dip in the floor. I do believe that is a perfect place for the fire. Don't you agree Erik?"

I look toward Erik and see he is concentrating on Helene. The intensity of his glance speaks of some deep thoughts. When Helene looks up and their eyes meet for a short time it is only the two of them in this secret silent world. I really will need to banish this jealous streak coming out in me. I will not come to blows with my own niece over some man and especially as it is what I have been hoping for, that they would find solace in one another even if only for comfort after…well afterward.

At last Erik breaks the invisible bond between them and turns to me and answers with his own whimsy, "Let me walk about and see what corner calls out "Erik, come sleep with me".

I am sure he doesn't realize that his words could be mistaken for coy flirting in certain circumstances. I am almost certain he is not acquainted with such things. Then again, maybe it is something that Helene brings out in him. Or perhaps it is I who have brought this out in him. I rather like the idea I encouraged him to flirt. How long has it been since any man flirted with me? Has anyone ever done so? Henri was not flirty. He saw what he wanted, stated his desires then left the rest up to his intended, which after a long line of adoring women ended with me.

Erik's choice ended up being a spot between Helene and me. I think this had more to do with everything needed for tending the fire would be close at hand rather than dividing us into two separate camps. If I thought Erik had more knowledge of women I would assume he picked up on my jealousy but as it is I think the division is merely convenience and not subterfuge.

Together we made decisions about where to place certain items. Erik raised his brow when we came to the cabinet that housed the chamber pot. I had insisted we bring it. I am too old to squat and do my business. If we can devise a way to make some sort of screen it will afford us privacy. I don't know what Erik will do with the aftermath and have no intention of asking. I assume since he lived down here for so many years he had a way to dispose of unwanted things.

Our meal was simple. Some dried beef with cheese, crusty bread and wine. What would the French do without cheese, crusty bread and wine? All I can say is, it never tasted better than it did tonight. We were all tired and disoriented. Erik may not be as unsettled as we women are. He may have had a love hate relationship with this place but at least it was familiar and he knew what to expect. From what Antoinette told me he had spent the last fifteen years or so changing the tunnels and secret passages. He would close some off and open new ones. He needed to change his environment every so often to keep intruders at bay.

I shudder when I think what sort of traps he has still lying in wait for the unsuspecting. Antoinette told me about poor Raoul and a few others that have fallen victim to Erik's traps. Until Raoul Erik had always come to the rescue with a warning to leave the opera house and never return. Since there had been no reports of opera staff missing it is to be assumed those people left of their own accord. When Erik lowered his voice to a menacing tone even I quake just a little. He can be very imposing when he wants to be.

As a precaution he warned us in that very same menacing voice not to go wandering about without him. He didn't have to tell me twice not to wander around by myself and I don't think Helene will either unless she conquers her fear of the water. It isn't deep but there is such a wide expanse of it that she sees it as something alive and evil. I know she still has nightmares about her parents. Far too often she wakes screaming and soaking wet from the cold sweats.

Just after we clear away the remains of our meal it occurs to us that there is not one corner where we can seek privacy. How are we to prepare for bed? I will not sleep in these trousers. I want my nice comfortable bedclothes. It would seem we all have the same idea of getting ready for bed as we meet in the middle of our living space with our nightwear in our hands. We look from one to another then just as quickly look away. Dressing and undressing in front of anyone is not something I have been comfortable with since I began to give in to Mother Nature and gravity's pull. With Erik, it had been in a very dim room where I had disrobed. We had been just able to see one another dimly at least I hope he hadn't seen me clearly. Now that I think about it Madame did say Erik had the uncanny ability to see better in the dark than the average person. I felt my cheeks bloom with color. Me, Eileen Lefèvre, blushing and at my age, it is ridiculous. I am a grown woman once married and old enough to be past such silliness. Yet here I am blushing like a girl in her prime.

It doesn't surprise me that Helene is blushing too but she is proud enough to hold her head high and look Erik straight in the eye. In typical manly fashion his eyes trace slowly down then back up over her body. I feel the jealousy rising but won't say anything as this is a normal male reaction in such a situation. What normal man would not be picturing what the woman in front of him would look like without her clothing or perhaps he is imaging her in her nightwear so he may remove it. I refuse to examine how I feel about the fact that not once since our initial eye contact has Erik looked in my direction.

"Well this is a dilemma isn't it? What I propose is that while one of us is changing the other two go to the edge of the water and wait for their turn. We will do this in the proper order. I will go first then Helene and of course then you will have your turn Erik."

Being a gentleman Erik pulls over a couple of crates for them to sit on and even uses his own nightshirt to lay across hers. I have a hard time picturing Erik in one of those loose fitting shirts men wear to bed. I always enjoyed the fact that Henri wore nothing to bed that God had not given him. He kept the shirts handy for the servant's benefit not for his use. Erik is now going to be wearing one of those shirts. Henri had often tried to lure me into the practice of sleeping sans clothing but I had been far too shy for that. In later years the changes in my body kept me clothed at night. He told me it didn't matter how I changed, in his eyes I would always be his beautiful Eileen.

After changing it is Helene's turn to prepare for bed. It will take her longer as she will unbraid her hair so she can perform the ritual of brushing it one hundred strokes every night just as I taught her. My own braid only gets undone every other day or so as it is harder for me to do it myself and I don't want anyone knowing just how easily I do lose my breath.

"Alright Erik it is all yours. I even waited to brush my hair so you could have the dressing room," Helene says with a slight tentative smile. She is trying to be kinder toward him after his own kindness to her.

When Erik makes no move to go and get ready for bed I look over and the expression on his face is very revealing. It is not outright lust I see but something more like admiration and a sort of yearning. It would be so easy for him to give in to his feelings if Helene would only let go of some of her own misgivings about letting any man get close enough to matter enough that he could hurt her as her ex-fiancée did.

As Helene begins to unwind her braid Erik inhales deeply then turns sharply toward the far side of the inlet. He does not turn toward the wall as he begins to unbutton his shirt but faces us. Quickly I turn away and so does Helene. I can still feel Erik's eyes staring at us or is it her he is seeing? Perhaps he isn't staring at either of us but is keeping his back to the wall as a defensive tactic. Better to face an enemy than turn your back to one. Erik must have many of these habits as he is a very defensive individual. I know he likes to strike out at anyone posing as a threat before they can do him some harm. Not many helping hands have been offered to him.

Maybe I am seeing things where there is nothing to see, a combination of wishful thinking combined with honest jealousy. At the moment I am a contradiction in terms as to what I want and feel. People in my position do tend to reassess their lives and try to leave their loved ones with a stable support system. Henri left me with Helene and her parents had blessedly left her in his capable hands rather than some relative she didn't know.

Something would have to be done about my relationship with Erik. We are not in a position to further intimacies between us which will work in my favor. I would never want to hurt him and I fear I would need to be unkind in order to distance myself from him. He has had so many rejections and disappointments in his life that I do not wish to become just one in a great number of things he has suffered.

The weight on my chest from lack of my full lung capacity is distressing. I had thought I might be able to hang on until some great discovery had been made to fight infection and diseases inside ones body. Alas, I won't live long enough to see any more wondrous inventions man's creative mind can imagine and create. I do so hope that I do not pass in this wonderful yet dismal place. I wish to be laid to rest beside my beloved Henri. That at least is one thing that gives me some peace; I will be reunited with Henri.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

**Desire of the Heart **

_**Helene**_

One long week has passed since we willingly buried ourselves beneath the ground. As Erik told us we could hear the intermittent shelling. Our imagination could fill in the other sounds of people crying out in fear and pain. How many of those above are now dead? It hurts me to think of the little children suffering needlessly. They are the only innocents in this war. We are blessed to have food and shelter, commodities in short supply up above where all the fighting is taking place. Erik has not whitewashed anything. In his estimation within a few weeks supplies will have stopped coming through to Paris. What little is left will be fought over. Money will mean little when hunger is gnawing at the belly of your children. He has intimated that should our own food run out there are rats in the tunnels and in the opera house above. Since the fire a rat catcher would not be needed to service the building. His jaw had clenched when he spoke of the opera house. It must pain him very much to know it was by his own hand that it nearly burned to the ground. I have heard him speaking with Aunt Eileen about the possibility of people being killed after the chandelier came down. I have to say I don't know how many lost their lives but it had to have been a great number just because of the chaos and all the side doors being locked on the orders of the police under command at the time by the gendarme's captain. It would be hard to miss the soft sobs he emits from his bed every night, especially on those nights he speaks about that last night he spent down here. He deserves to suffer but even I have to wonder when should a repentant man's suffering end?

I have given up trying to fight off my feelings for Erik. I won't act on them but at least I can stop pretending it is only hate I am feeling. There has to be more to him than what I have seen or Aunt Eileen would not care so much about him. She is one who can forgive another's transgressions as long as that person has won her faith in their ability and willingness to change. Erik must have proven he is worthy of her trust and so I must too put my faith in him for he is the only person able to protect us.

For all my brave words to the contrary, I do need someone to give me a warm sturdy shoulder to lean on when life is not so easily lived. My poor brave aunt is weakening by the day. Why had I not seen how ill she was becoming? I am a very self-absorbed person thinking I am the only one to have experienced suffering in the world. It shames me how I let my life become so insular. Fear kept me from letting anyone get too close. It seemed easier to mock and disparage others rather than chance letting them into my heart and take a chance of being hurt again. If nothing else Erik has shown me what it is like to always be protecting oneself from others. He does it without thinking. Only someone as gentle and persistently adamant everyone can be saved had brought her closer to him, my beauriful kindhearted aunt.

He is so patient and tender with her. He has even gone so far as to sing to her. Just to please her he had risked going above to investigate the orchestra pit scouring for an instrument. He found a very beat up and out of tune violin but at least it played and under Erik's expertise did improve so that it did not sound quite so disagreeable to the ears.

As the days passed, Aunt Eileen stayed under a heavy layer of covers. Eventually she did not even make the effort to dress. I did not even have the heart to scold her for not telling me how ill she really was. It is my fault entirely. If I had not been so involved in my own misery I would have seen how often her spells of breathlessness and tiredness did occur. I won't let myself be jealous of the time Erik spends sitting by her just holding her hand or reciting some poem or even scenes from her favorite plays and operas. He alone can bring a smile to her lips and peace to her pain wracked body.

What must it be like to feel as if one is suffocating, trying uselessly to fill your lungs to capacity only to inhale enough air to sustain life? If I were in her place I feel panic and fear would have me gasping and clawing at my chest and throat. How brave she is to suffer all of this in silence.

Erik had gone above to what had once been the opera house library. A few shelves had been left standing and only slightly scorched. A few of the books had even survived. Looters it seemed did not value books. Personally I think they would have benefited from the knowledge contained in those pages. He brought down a few books he felt sure we would like and many heavy tomes about medicines and the anatomy. Some were written in languages other than English or French. I do believe a few of the heavy books were written in Chinese if the symbols on the cover meant anything.

For hours Erik had poured over those books as if searching for something. It didn't take much imagination to know he searched for a way to cure or at least help my aunt. For that alone he has won my everlasting gratitude. After a whole week of reading he at last set the books aside to begin erecting what looked like some sort of tent made from the oilcloths. Once they were constructed to his satisfaction he laid a small fire inside the enclosure. He placed a kettle of water on top to boil. Now it made sense why he left a hole at the top. The smoke traveled up and out instead of asphyxiating Aunt Eileen in her bed.

I knew that moisture, either hot or cold, could clear congestion when misted into the air. More than mere congestion troubles my aunt but in any case it keeps his mind busy and perhaps it will ease her lungs constriction. Later Erik's treatment proves to be working when my aunt starts coughing and spits up what I don't know for I look away. Erik tends to her placing a handkerchief to her lips. Only someone who cares deeply could do the things he did for my aunt. My part in her care was to assist her to the cabinet to use the chamber pot and sit by her side for company.

Erik is quite a resourceful and inventive man. He can take a few odds and ends and construct the most useful and amazing things. Contrary to what I believed my time down here hasn't been so terrible. Of course it has only been one week. Who is to say what I might feel after many such weeks.

Sitting here beside Aunt Eileen I hear every painful breath she takes and find myself breathing to match her rhythm. Her hand is cold but not clammy. She claims to be warm enough even though I have caught her shivering. The contraption Erik made for her does seem to be giving her some relief. It isn't much but at least it is something. I feel helpless to help her in any way other than what comfort I can give her by letting her know I am here if she should need me.

Fresh foods are not something we have available to us in great supply. I think if she had something more tempting to her palate her appetite might improve. Not only is Erik a master of creating useful objects but he is also somewhat accomplished in the kitchen. Living by oneself I suppose would tend to make one self-sufficient. The dried pork and beef takes on a more tempting flavor when he puts it in a pot with some of the canned vegetables we have. The fresh fruits are gone but we do still have a few fresh vegetables. Another week will be the end of those. What we have brought in jars will last for perhaps another month then we will be down to sugar, flour, and a few odd pieces of meat. I won't declare that I won't eat a rat as I can visualize Erik smiling in that particularly obnoxious way he has and thinking he is superior. If I don't see the rat go into the pot maybe I can convince myself it is some of the dried pork or beef. Since I don't know what a rat should taste like that might work.

My aunt's voice draws my attention away from Erik as she asks, "You have changed your view of him haven't you Helene? You know he isn't all bad. Go on, admit it, he does have a lot of good qualities in him and you do like him a little."

"To be honest, yes, I have changed the way I see him. I still believe he did reprehensible things and should pay for them but on the other hand I know some pretty terrible things have been done to him. Having my own heart trampled by someone I cared deeply about I can understand how he lost his grasp on sanity for a time. If you remember I didn't act like a sane person during those first few months I walked around like a lost soul. Even I thought of murdering Frederick and the woman who won his favor over me. So many days and nights I plotted their demise. Countless diseases fell upon them both. Luckily for me I had you to snap me out of my depressing trip through self-pity. Anger felt so much better than pining and grieving. If you had not told me to either curse him to the devil or find some way to win him back I might have gone so far into that black pit I might never have climbed out. Since I knew you detested him that set me to rethinking my relationship with him. Once I dissected it and compartmentalized everything I discovered we really didn't have much in common. We rarely displayed any passion and then I think it was forced on my part as I thought it was what I was supposed to feel. You did me a favor and I thank you."

"Well, I had had enough of your sad looking face and all for some rake not deserving of one of your tears. I had hoped you might be more supportive of Erik's emotional distress as you had suffered from a love gone wrong. It saddens me to know how hard the walls around your heart have become. You must let someone in sometime or I am afraid what will become of you after, well when I am not here to temper your caustic tongue."

"Don't say that. Don't even think like that. We will survive as long as we have to then go back and reclaim what is left of our home and continue on with our lives," I said as firmly as I could even while in the back of my mind doubts crowded in and swirled around like a dark menacing shadow.

"Helene we must face facts. I am not going to recover fully from this. I don't take life and death lightly. Everything that could be done has already been done. The doctors could do no more. It isn't tuberculosis but it may as well be as it is just as debilitating and incurable."

"Aunt Eileen, please, miracles happen all the time and science is advancing by leaps and bounds. Why, they are even predicting motorized carriages that don't need a horse to move and some even speculate man will fly perhaps even in this century. So don't give up on yourself for I shall never accept that you will not win out against this silent enemy."

"Oh my dear it is sweet of you to have such faith in this but I do hope you continue to have hope if…when I am not here to coax you out of your black moods. Promise me you will open up to people more. The world is filled with people Helene and not all of them are perfect but neither are they all bad. Some even are a mixture of the two as Erik is. I do think he is leaning to the good side of late more than the bad, wouldn't you agree?"

When I don't reply immediately she points to where Erik is tending a pot of something cooking over the fire while also attempting to build a screen out of planks from a crate so that we can have privacy and take an actual bath. He had pilfered a tub from up above. Lord knows how he managed to drag it down here. His shirt is open and sweat gives his skin a healthy sheen. I know I am supposed to be observing how helpful he is and how thoughtful but all I can see is his rippling muscles as he bends and squats. Lord above I never would have thought watching a man work could be so stimulating.

"Helene, Helene, where have you gone?" My aunt calling my name and tapping my shoulder pulls me out of my burgeoning daydream. Feeling the flush on my cheeks deepening I don't turn to her as I say, "I was just wondering how he managed to drag the tub down. " A half-truth but at least it wasn't an outright lie. It is getting harder to have a conversation with Aunt Eileen and not resort to subterfuge as a way to cover for my wayward emotions toward Erik.

"He is so thoughtful. I mentioned how I missed my long soaks in the tub and before I knew it he had gone and come back with the tub on a pushcart. I wonder how many other useful items have been left behind in the opera house? I suppose looting it has been put on the shelf for the time being as everyone tries to make it safely through each day."

"We are fortunate in many ways and I will include among them Erik's presence and his home. "

We sat silent for a while both of us lost in our own thoughts. Mine as usual took a turn toward Erik with little resistance from me. It seemed useless to fight against this growing fascination for him so I don't even try very hard any more. I can't help but wonder if Christine felt this same inevitability about her feelings toward him. Her husband Raoul had wealth, power and a handsome face accompanied by a very masculine body. I did admire his looks and from what I know of him he is a true gentleman and a man of his word. Why had Christine been blessed with two such attractive and powerful men? What about her had drawn their eye?

I am not blind to the attractions of men but until lately I had not given more than a passing thought to what men and women do when in the privacy of their own rooms. Once I had opened that door it refused to close again. Now I am plagued by erotic dreams the likes of which had only come to me after I listened to Erik's sinful music. Those nights that he held me a willing supplicant he had not even known I worshiped at his feet for that slip of time. I had not had the excuse of being under the influence of sleep as I had been fully awake as I gave into the madness of my mind urged on by the notes played by his magical fingers. It is no grand leap to imagine those same fingers playing along my spine or other erotic places.

Countless nights I would end up exhausted but blissfully satisfied. How much more pleasurable would it be with a man, the right man, Erik? Quilt is now a constant companion whenever I am tending to my aunt. She speaks of bringing Erik and I together as friends all the while my mind plots how to grab him for my own. I pray I have the strength and enough love not to act on this fever that has taken me over. To betray someone so good and so trusting would be to consign my soul to hell. To further entrench this into my brain I ask Aunt Eileen trying to sound mildly interested, "When we return above do you intend to invite Erik back to live with us? It is perfectly alright you know. I won't feel as though I am being pushed out by him. I am just glad you will have company. I have already made plans to visit Cousin Felicia this coming winter anyway. She has invited me to come for as long as I wish. Changing my surroundings I think will be good for me."

"You have already made plans? When did these plans begin to form? Nothing was mentioned. Did you not plan to at least inform me so I could perhaps make arrangements to accompany you? It is not safe nor is it proper for a lady of your standing to travel alone."

"Oh Aunt Eileen you sound so staid and proper and this coming from a woman who traveled halfway across France to pay a surprise visit to her future, but not yet, husband? And might I add without benefit of chaperone on the journey or at his home in Paris."

I am so glad to see she is getting color into her cheeks even if it is because of my teasing. Once she has her blush under control she turns to face me directly and continues, "Well dear we were engaged and besides we had already…uh…done the deed so to speak. We saw no reason to act all proper once we let the horse out of the barn and everyone in our circle suspected we had in any case. We were quite an openly passionate couple." For a moment she is lost in memories but eventually she does recall that I have not yet answered her questions nor had she answered mine about her feelings for Erik.

"Yes I did plan to inform you when everything had been confirmed. Before I could do so this situation with Erik cropped up. I knew you wouldn't turn down helping a friend even at the cost of committing a criminal act if you thought the action the moral thing to do. Don't worry so much about me and worry more about yourself. If you must worry over someone you now have Erik."

I thought she would make some light retort but her face set in serious lines as she softly said, "Poor Erik. I came into his life at a time when his heart had been torn apart with innocent disregards to how badly she hurt him. On my part he came into my life at a time when I believed my time for attracting the eye of men had long passed and truthfully I haven't made any attempt to attract anyone. Erik makes my heart feel as light as a young girl's. He is a man and make no mistake a passionate one but in some ways he is a child still, a small helpless and lost little boy. Not many men have an eagerness to please anyone but themselves when it comes to sexual gratification."

"Aunt Eileen! Please, I don't want to hear this. I can't…you shouldn't…Erik wouldn't. Damn it this is not a conversation we should be having," I stopped speaking before I revealed more than I intended. It would not do for me to blurt out I couldn't bear to hear about what went on between them or discuss Erik's prowess as a lover.

"Helene you are such a prude but what I wanted you to see is that although he is a man, Erik still has a child locked inside of him. His temper and need to keep all his possessions close to him and his unwillingness to share over the years anything about himself is the result of the trauma he suffered as a child. I try my best to bring Erik's inner turmoil out without letting it boil over into an explosion. He will need you when I am gone. No, don't interrupt and make protests when we both know the truth of the matter, I am dying, I will die soon. It is my hope that it isn't until we leave this place as I have no wish to be buried anywhere but next to my beloved Henri."

Taking my hands between hers she states with intensity, "I don't have time to speak in polite terms. I must speak plainly so that when the time comes you will know the man you must deal with just a little better than you did before. Give me your promise you won't leave him if he will have you by his side for comfort. He has lost so much in his life it frightens me to think what might happen upon my…when I am no longer here. Who knows, you might find he is a comfort to you as well."

Tears are falling down my cheeks even though I tried to keep them from forming. I don't want to think of Aunt Eileen not being here. If it meant having her for many more years I would sever all ties with her and forget a man called Erik ever existed. There are a great number of debts that I owe to this wonderful woman and if I could take her place I would make peace with my god this minute and beg him to take me home. For once in my selfish life I want to do something for her and it is something I am not able to do, I cannot save her from the clutches of death.

Leaning down I place my lips close to her ear and whisper brokenly, "I promise I will remain by his side for as long as he will have me. I will try to be as good a friend as I can possibly be."

With her eyes drooping sleepily she smiles as she says, "I can't ask for more than that. I love you my sweet girl. You have always been more daughter to me than niece," she pauses to tap her chest, "I will keep you right here and carry your memories with me to heaven."

It is too much for me. Standing up abruptly I hurriedly go to the far corner of the inlet then drop to my knees sobbing. Now more than ever I must fight how I feel about Erik. For my aunt's sake I made that promise but it will surely kill me to keep it.

Having sobbed out my pain I could face both Eileen and Erik without breaking down. I wanted to but I could not let myself go like that again. I had to be strong for the one person in the world who had been strong for me when I was weak and in need. If not for Aunt Eileen's support likely I would have done something unforgivable while in deep depression.

She is a soft hearted woman but underneath all that softness there runs a rod of steel along her spine. She can be strong when the need arises. I pray much of her strength has rubbed off on me over the years as in the coming weeks I will need it and fear Erik will not be able to sustain the loss of my aunt. I can't be selfish and think only of my loss for his will likely feel ten times worse than mine as he has had so few people in his life he could call friend or any of the other terms one gives to people close to them. He has lived a lonely life and I am glad he had the chance to meet such a wonderful woman as my aunt.

If nothing else she will have given Erik some much needed self-esteem and confidence in his ability to relate to others. He will still have problems but at least she had a short time to show him just what it is to love and be loved in return even if it isn't the grand passion written about in novels. With my mind I know Aunt Eileen still loves Uncle Henri but with how I feel for Erik it is hard to imagine someone being so intimate with him and not falling deeply under his spell. He lured me to him without even trying and forged chains around my heart that I fear will bind me to him for eternity.

How I will get through all of this without making a complete fool of myself is something I will have to work on diligently. Even now as I watch Erik join my aunt I can feel the restriction around my heart as he takes her hand in his. He brings it to his lips and places a kiss on the back tenderly before laying it in his lap still tightly clasped in his own. I feel petty for the streak of jealousy and envy that pasess through me as I observe this tender exchange. He and I may share some sort of unholy attraction but right now it must be set aside and kept buried as we deal with making sure Aunt Eileen is kept comfortable and content. I feel disgusted with myself when a nasty voice inside my head whispers it won't be long. God strike me dead or remove all intelligence from me. I would rather be a simpleton than have such unworthy thoughts.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

**Love Will Not Be Denied **_**Erik **_

One month of constant companionship with two women has driven me to the brink of insanity. Not because it isn't a pleasant experience other than the reasons we are here together, no what is bothering me is that I have developed intense feelings for one woman but also have a close connection with the other as well as having shared intimacies with the one of the woman, Eileen. If not for her generosity of spirit I may well have not survived Christine's near fatal blows to my manhood and self-esteem which has never been overly inflated with any true belief in myself. While masquerading as a ghost and phantom I could fool myself into thinking I was some grand genius ruling over the lesser beings I held in my tight grip. Many years I let myself bask in complete control over the managers until those two pompous asses Andre and Firmin came along.

While everyone willingly did my bidding and I enjoyed my luxuries I could take on the airs of a noble gentleman. Let one person oppose me and the disguise fell quicker than a temptresses clothing for then I had to face the true nature of my circumstances. I was nothing more than a criminal forcing others to do my bidding. Dressing and taking on the manners of a gentleman does not a gentleman make, this I have learned even though I would not openly admit it until recently. To be a true gentleman I must work on the inner man rather than the outer shell men see. If the inside is good and honest the rest will take care of itself I would imagine. One does not have to be garbed in finery to be a man of honor or a person others respect. As much as I hate to think it and would loath to admit it out loud, I have to say that Raoul would be the epitome of what a man is supposed to be. He did show a lack of judgment when aligning himself with the plan to capture me. That in and of itself was not the flaw, the flaw had been locking the side doors so that the way to exit the building had been limited and far too few for the amount of people in attendance that night at the opera. I was the catalyst for the tragedy but Raoul and those two idiots were contributing factors.

A better plan would have been to use the massive amount of manpower they had between the gendarmes and the local police to invade the underground and capture me there. I could have taken out a number of men and of course my traps would have gotten a few but the odds were in their favor that a capture would have been all but assured. I cannot help but wonder if they did not let their hatred of me influence their decision. Did they wish to humiliate me so publicly more than they wished to capture me? If so then they have their own burden to bear. Guilt is not a comforting bedfellow.

The guilt that plagues me now is because of a slip of a woman or more precisely two women. Eileen is the first and only woman to share the pleasures that most men of my age have experienced as a boy of fifteen or sixteen. In many circles the measure of a man is judged by the number of conquests he has had in his bed and less on how honest he is or how profitable are his financial endeavors. Conquering a woman is much more complicated than adding figures or making an educated guess as to where to invest ones fortune. Women are less stable and unpredictable in their emotions unless a man has learned the art of mind manipulation as I did with Christine. I won't say she was gullible but she was so desperate for her father's voice and touch that she easily let herself be convinced I was the angel he had promised to send in his stead. I filled a need in her just as she filled one in me. If I took more than I gave perhaps it is forgivable due to my lack of any moral teachings from anyone. Setting ones own code of ethics is close to not having any at all.

Helene should not enter my mind as often as she does but I find her there more than I care to admit. Now knowing what sensuality really is and what comes at the end of sharing such all consuming passion I cannot help but dream of our bodies entwined as we love one another like two wanton beings. Nothing is sacred in those erotic moving pictures in my head. What Eileen would not encourage me to do to her I have done to Helene a hundred times, not only during my sleep but while fully awake and in control of my thoughts. My only excuse to such a betrayal of Eileen is that I am a man and not an honorable one either. To stay in her good graces I will do my best to achieve this higher standing she believes is my destiny. What does she know about me or see in me that no one else ever could?

At least I have more to occupy my mind and distract my libido as we are fast approaching a crisis. Rationing out our food will extend the days we will eat. We will first consume the meats and then the rest. If I can do so I will not let them know when we are down to eating the flesh of the vermin sharing our hideaway. It won't bother me as much as I have existed on far less palatable nourishment in my younger days. Many nights I went to bed hungry if I refused to cooperate and act like an animal to please the crowds. Disappointment did not bring the coins from the customer's pockets but it did bring the lash across my back and a night without a meal. My constitution must be stronger than most men's as I have rarely been ill not with even so much as a cold. I have often wondered if at the last moment God had looked at his handiwork and decided to be merciful by giving me half a face and a life lived primarily without illness. Maybe he had known what a wicked and vile man I would become and made sure I lived a long and lonely life.

Splashing from the shore brings me out of my reverie. Helene, the daft woman, has taken leave of her senses as she is knee deep in the cold lake. Clapping from Eileen tends to have me wondering if both women have gone a little crazy since being confined down here. I, myself, can attest to the fact that a person left alone in this place can begin to lose their grasp on sanity but they are not alone although they also are not accustomed to being entombed as they are now without having seen the sun, sky, stars or moon in a month. That alone could set anyone off their normal settled reasoning.

"Erik, look, Helene is in the water," Eileen directed me while pointing to the obvious.

She must have seen my confusion as she explained, "The water Erik, she is in the water. Finally she has conquered that fear," Eileen said with pride as if the accomplishment were her own. It has not escaped my notice just how tight a bond they do share. A mother and daughter could not be closer or more loving than those two.

Stepping to the edge of the water I too clap and say, "Brava Mademoiselle Helene. Now we will work on teaching you to swim and row the boat." I did not know how intent she was on the moment but when I spoke and clapped she jumped, startled by my suddenly speaking so close behind her. She flailed a few windmills with her arms then flopped backward into the water with a large splash. I perhaps should not have laughed but could not contain my amusement. Rarely have I found anything in life amusing and therefore rarely laugh from pure enjoyment. As she turns toward me I can see the error of my ways as her face is set in angry lines and I do believe sparks will soon be shooting out from them in my direction. Walking steadily toward me my gaze is distracted to follow the movement of her hands brushing her hair away from her face to toss it over her shoulder. Pure magnificent womanhood approached me.

As she approaches it crosses my mind that perhaps I should step back and keep some distance between us. I won't display such cowardly actions especially in front of the women therefore I stood my ground and it serves me right what happened next. When she stood before me so close I could feel her warm breath puffing against my chest she placed her hands on her hips for a moment and stared directly up at me. She is a not overly tall, not nearly as tall as Christine is. Helene would fit very snuggly under my chin if she rested her head on my chest. I should have kept my attention on the seething woman in front of me instead of letting my imagination distract me with images of the two of us wrapped around one another. Before I could react she raised both hands to grab my wrist and gave a mighty tug. The sudden feeling of cold water hitting me took my breath away. I didn't panic as it is only about knee deep at its deepest point here and less than that in other spots.

Spluttering and spitting out water I angrily get to my feet. My anger defused just as quickly as it came when I caught site of her. Her heightened beauty while amidst pure anger captured me and thereby I missed the entrancing view of her seductive body, now I did not. It was not the friendly smile on her face that cooled my anger but the near transparency of her shirt. God in heaven I do believe she is trying to kill me by over stimulating my libido then leaving me with no outlet for my desires. Two matching pebbles are taut and straining at the fabric covering her chest. I am pretty sure if she knew I could see what she thought lay hidden she would slap my face for looking when I should have turned away, then she would turn a becoming shade of pink just before stomping off. I don't like the next thought that sneaks up on me. It nearly floors me with the surety and conviction of the emotion that what I feel is real. It can't be. I won't let it be. It can come to nothing but heartache for all concerned.

Before she notices my lecherous eyes taking in every line and curve and committing them to memory I turn away and saunter as best as I can to my area. Pulling the screen across the front of my belongings I shut out her still amused but slightly confused face. If she is confused then I am mystified. How had this happened? How could I let it happen? Lust for her is one thing. I can ignore that, but love? That is something that for me is an all consuming emotion once it has been awakened, not that I am all that versed in matters of the heart. My one experience was Christine and that had been misguided and destructive more than any gentle exploration of my feelings.

I don't care what Helene thinks of me at the moment as my manhood strains against the fabric restraining me with painful tightness. Without any real privacy I dare not use the old tried and true method men use to relieve their uncomfortable erections from time to time. In my younger days as I began to notice girls and then women I spent many hours stroking myself to relief. Only fear had kept me from approaching any one of those females residing in my opera house. Once I came into my manhood I had promised myself I would never force a woman to accept my advances. I had seen the results of that sort of attack too many times over the years, Joseph Buquet being the worst of the lot.

Perhaps I shall suggest we take a trip to the roof as a distraction. With Eileen along my desires will surely be doused. I still care about Eileen but my desire for her has settled into something more like a comfortable friendship. She has not made any mention of resuming intimacies and it is doubtful she would consider sneaking off to indulge our lusts. As badly as I craved that ultimate experience with a woman now I find I do not mind that Eileen is not making advances. I could not refuse her as that would hurt her and that is something I will not knowingly do.

I can do nothing about the state of my manhood and can only hope that propriety and shyness will keep either woman from dropping their eyes below my waist. Sliding the makeshift screen aside I step out into what we refer to as our parlor. Helene is threading her fingers through the long wet strands of her hair momentarily stopping my mental processes along with my ability to speak.. Damn her, I do believe she is trying to test my resistance. If I told her how thin the thread on my control really is she would probably run screaming into one of the tunnels or pick up one of the boards that we have not burned yet so she could bash my head in. When she picks up a brush and begins to stroke her hair with slow even passes of the brush I turn away quickly lest I find myself rooted to the spot and get caught gawping like a young boy.

Dropping down beside Eileen taking her hand I ask, "Would you like to see Paris at night from the rooftop? It is a sight not to be missed. Perhaps not as beautiful as it was a month or so ago but in the dark ugliness can pass for beauty. Even I look less horrid in the dark."

"Erik I will not have you..." She stops as she looks at me and sees I am smiling. Teasing another person is one of those rare things I have been denied and I do take advantage of every opportunity to use these new skills Eileen is teaching me.

Slapping at my chest with her hand she says, "Oh you little devil you. I am glad you feel comfortable enough to tease about something that would have given you grief before. I do think you are coming to accept that you are quite a handsome man and very presentable when you try to act like a proper gentleman. I don't care what has been said about you or what happened before as long as you truly feel regret over what you did and endeavor not to repeat past mistakes."

I want to give her my word that I mean to continue on this path I am on but it is hard to give my word in this as I know that all of my distaste and distrust of the world at large has not disappeared. It has merely been thinly covered by her healing kindness toward me and the acceptance of me as I truly am not as I had pretended to be before. She has seen the worst and best of me. My face is of little consequence to her other than it is something which troubles me.

"Helene, Erik is offering to take us to the roof for a short respite. Would you care to go?" Eileen calls out to Helene who is brushing out her hair still trying to dry it by the fire. It is almost dry and is beginning to crackle with each stroke of the brush. If I imagine it is my hand brushing down over those silky strands and my fingers combing through those long tresses as I have pictured before it is something I will have to bear and keep from escalating into actually stealing touches that would inevitably lead to more. I will honor whatever sort of commitment I have with Eileen. I owe her more than I can ever repay and thinking of another woman in the terms I have thought of Helene is traitorous. My allegiance should be with Eileen until such time she herself ends our relationship.

Helene pauses in mid stroke. Dropping her hands to her lap she asks hopefully, "Truly we can go to the roof? Will we be safe there?"

I cannot guarantee no one will come to the roof while we are there but feel almost certain we will not have any unwanted visitors as there is no reason for any of the soldiers to head to the roof unless someone makes a run at the opera house and that would be a senseless move as there is little to be gained from such a maneuver as nothing of worth remains inside. It is too large to safeguard without a complete garrison. The best they can do is have the two men details that make erratic passes through the building. Only in the beginning did they have more men on duty and make more routine passes. The men were called away to where the fighting is more intense.

"Yes, I think we should be relatively safe. My entrances do not include the customary doors they will use. If someone comes along we will simply vanish before they know we were ever there." I wave my hand in the air like a magician to emphasize my point. When I saw how intently she followed my hand I suddenly became quite uncoordinated. My hand that would normally have sailed through the air fluidly for some unknown reason collided with the side of my face nearly knocking my mask off. It did come askew a bit. Helene's giggle did nothing to dampen my rising aggravation and embarrassment. What power did she have that she could drain me of every grace I had ever possessed?

She unsettled me so badly I did not see her hand reaching up toward my face until I felt her fingers graze against my skin as she repositioned my mask. Lord help her if she had taken it into her head to remove it. Seeing me while unconscious and unaware of her scrutiny, was something totally different from her seeing me while we were both alert and experiencing confusing emotions, at least confusing on my part. I had no idea if she dismissed our mutual attraction as ridiculous folly or not.

"Well what are we waiting for? Engraved invitations?" Helene quipped a little nervously despite trying to inject humor into the situation.

"Erik, would you mind terribly if I forgo joining you on this trek? I feel better but not quite strong enough to climb up all those stairs or miles of tunnels. Take Helene and enjoy a few minutes respite. I shall be perfectly fine resting here. I may even read for a while before I take a short nap," Eileen said persuasively. As if to emphasize how tired she was she yawned widely covering her mouth, embarrassment clearly shining from her eyes.

"Oh dear, pardon me. I really am tired," she commented as if her earlier declaration had been a mere ploy to refuse the invitation. A guilty look now covered her face and I began to suspect she had been trying to push Helene and I into going alone. For what purpose I had no clue. Maybe she hoped we could mend fences even more by being in one another's company. On my part, I didn't want to have any dissention between Helene and I. Nothing may come of whatever it is between us but I would at least like for us to retain some sort of friendship if only because of our link by Eileen.

"If Helene doesn't mind going with me alone it is alright with me. Are you sure you don't wish to go? I could carry you if you like. You would be a welcome burden," I said with conviction. Really there is nothing Eileen could ask of me that I would not do. I would lay down on a sword if it would save her a moment of pain or hurt.

Helene glanced away from me. Either from annoyance or discomfort to know if she went we would be alone for a couple of hours. Of necessity we would have to be very close in some places and in others we would actually have to touch. I would have to lift her up in a couple of places which would require my hands being around her waist. My blood surged to the part of me that indicated my lusty thoughts about having my hands on her.

With a final farewell and one last time checking to be certain she would be alright we left our little inlet. This would be my first time on the roof since…well since I had been crushed to my very soul by Christine and Raoul's declaration of love and devotion. Remembering the devastation brought back some of that pain but not the killing kind that almost had me jumping from the roof to relieve my agony. Would having Helene with me lessen the sharp sting of remembered rejection and heartbreak? It hasn't been that long since Christine was my whole world. I feel as if I have come to terms with losing her. In no small part due to Eileen's tender loving ways toward me and showing me I am worthy of more than the leftovers from another man's table.

I hoped I would find the strength to do the honorable thing and keep my emotions under control. I have never been one to keep what I am feeling bottled up inside which is why I lashed out so heatedly and so quickly at everyone all the time. I am ruled by my emotions. Most people living as I did would have shut themselves off and been cold and uncaring. I, at times can be uncaring but never cold. I will savor every moment of my time with Helene while keeping myself some distance away from her. I cannot act on whatever this is I am feeling for Helene. It may bruise my heart but at least my honor will remain intact such as it is.


	18. Chapter 18

**Warning: Sexual content.**

**A/N: So sorry for not updating but if you follow my writing you will know I just finished my Christmas story. That was a labor of love while also pulling at every creative fiber in me. **

**Now I will continue on. Since I lost the last chapters in a computer crash I will have to rewrite them as best I can. I am working on chapter 19 at the moment. About halfway there. Hope to post at least by the weekend, maybe sooner. **

**Chapter Eighteen**

**Rooftop Romance**

I wish now I had not agreed to come with Erik. After ten minutes of following behind him and watching his backside and leg muscles bunch and flex as we climbed up and down I felt ready to scream for mercy or more likely launch myself upon his back and have my way with him. When he took me through a particularly tight place and we had to squeeze together in places I began to wonder if he had done this on purpose but in the light of the lantern his face showed no more pleasure than mine did, at least I hoped I had been able to keep my true feelings from being displayed on my face.

The desire I feel for him has not lessoned during our enforced stay in such close proximity. Every glance or accidental brush of our skin sets me aflame. At times I catch Erik watching me with a dark brooding look in his eyes. Rather than turn from me he captures me with only that look. I feel myself being pulled toward him against my will or maybe it wasn't so much against my will as it was that I used my own will to fight against the building desire I felt for him.

Guilt eats me alive when I have to watch Erik tend Aunt Eileen. No man has ever been as tender with me as he is with her. If it is not love they share it is something so close to that emotion that I weep into my pillow every night imaging them sharing tender kisses and other things I dare not let myself think of as it would drive me over the brink completely.

I feel that soon we will be leaving this place as the bombing has become intermittent and sometimes many days go by without any exchange between the two sides. Our food rations are getting low and I know our meat must have been depleted some time ago yet we still have meat in our stew and soup. I have my suspicions what we are eating but try to close my mind to that. It is much needed nourishment and at least we have food to fill our bellies while I suspect those above have very little or nothing at all.

We have come to a place where there is a ledge that is too high for me to climb up by myself. Erik will have to lift me up. My heart is racing and it is hard to breathe let alone swallow. To have his hands on me is something I have dreamed but did not dare to hope to have that experience in real life.

Standing face to face I can see doubt in his eyes. Hesitation is in every movement as he slowly grasps my waist. His fingers are so long he can nearly span my waist and I do not even have a corset to thin my waist. There is only a thin layer of cloth between his skin and mine. Heat begins to build where he is touching me and spreads to other places. His breath brushes my cheek. Possibly I imagined it but it did seem as if he lowered his head just a bit as if to kiss me. This thought burns my lips with want. I want to feel his kiss upon my lips. Shame is equal to my desire.

"Erik." Is that me moaning out his name? My desire for him is so strong it is hard to keep even my thoughts to myself. I cannot stop the curl of my fingers grasping his shirt and tugging just enough to let him know I wish for him to lean in to kiss me. The green of his eyes turns to a molten pool of what seems to be a reflection of what he must see in my own eyes. His breath sounds just as labored as mine. The parting of his lips allows me to see the white of his teeth and the pink of his tongue. Such shameful images come to tease my mind it is all I can do to hold his gaze.

Slowly he lowers his head. Instinctively I close my eyes. I can feel his hot breath as his lips hover so close to mine I can feel the heat from them with my own. Indeed I do think I feel the brush of his lips on mine but the caress was so soft and fleeting I cannot be sure.

"We should move on if we are to make it to the roof with enough time to spare to gaze at the sights before we must return to Eileen," he nearly growls out. His voice is deep and filled with residual desire. His mentioning my aunt is deliberate as he clearly wanted that kiss every bit as much as I did. A timely reminder saved both of us from making a mistake, one we would have regretted almost immediately. I cannot be angry or fault Erik for what he did. It should have been me to bring a halt to things but instead I was the one encouraging him to kiss me. In fact I had blatantly invited just that. I am a woman, one who has gone a long time without any tenderness from a man but that is no excuse for my behavior. I am glad one of us has a thinking brain cell left as I damn sure don't. Erik robs me of all coherent thought.

Wordlessly I place my hands on his shoulders as he lifts me up. I can't say that crawling on all fours in front of Erik giving him a very good look at my backside is something I would want to do often if ever again. I don't have to look to know he is looking with interest. One can look without touching even if the notion to do so is there. He must now know that I had my fill of him in the same manner.

I wish I had brought along my own light. It is rather eerie with the reflected light bouncing off the walls that seem overly confined especially after about five minutes in this mode of travel. Soon we come to the end of the smaller part of the tunnel and once again can walk side by side although this is not any better as I see creatures in every dark corner whether or not they are truly there I don't care to know. I do hope Erik knows that when I cling to him and press myself against him it is only for added comfort. Just knowing four legged creatures occupy the tunnels and along the waterway is enough to have me running and screaming.

Coming at last to the end of our journey I almost fall to my knees and thank God for small mercies. My breath is taken by the splendor before me. The night sky is sprinkled with pinpricks of light. Thousands of stars and a bright moon add a romantic touch I could well have done without. Beautiful as it is perhaps it would have been better if it had been raining and dismal.

Deciding to take things as they come I head for the ledge surrounding the rooftop. Leaning against the solid stones I feel insignificant as in consider how much of the universe is unknown to man. We are but a speck in the great vastness.

When Erik comes to stand beside me my tongue feels glued to the roof of my mouth. Intelligent thoughts desert me. Scrambling around for something to say I broach a subject that may have been best left alone.

"I am surprised the roof remains intact after the fire. This is the place where Raoul and Christine are supposed to have declared their love and devotion. I wonder if it was a night like this that shared the lover's confessions."

Hearing Erik's indrawn breath and seeing his hands gripping the edge of the stones in what must be a painful manner brings home to me just what cruel words I have unthinkingly spoken. I have always tried to be mindful of others feelings when they did not deserve my harsh treatment. At one time I may have wanted to do Erik immeasurable harm but not anymore, not since I have come to know that I….No, I will not finish that sentence even in the privacy of my mind. To do so is to dishonor the trust my aunt has placed in me.

"Erik I am…" I stop as he clamps his hand down on mine in a punishing grip. Grimacing, it is all I can do not to cry out in pain.

"What? You feel sorrow for the beast? You feel I do not deserve to have loved such a perfect woman as Christine? Looking as I do and being who I am I should not have considered myself worthy to kiss her feet, is that what you think?"

Before I can say a word he continues angrily, "Yes the night was just such a night as this one, the night Christine and Raoul spoke the words of their love." He spat Raoul's name out in a tone filled with hatred.

"I was here that night. You did not know that did you? No one does except Eileen. I purged my soul to her. I confessed many of my sins but not all. She knows what devils have bitten deep in my soul." His grip on my hand is nearing the crushing point. Any second I expect to hear the crack of my bones breaking.

"That night, the night my opera Don Juan Triumphant was performed, I did not until the very end know if I would have enough hatred in me to bring down the chandelier. I thought I would beguile Christine that night with my passionate plea. For a few moments she did appear to sway toward me but then she showed me in the most cruel way possible how little she loved me or cared for my safety. Even then I feel I would have left her on the stage had not Raoul and the gendarmes made the move to kill me. Everyone may fool themselves that I was meant only to be captured but if one thinks hard enough the truth will be seen. I was meant to die and I believe I took my place on stage hoping some eager marksman would take the shot that would put an end to me but God had more cruelty in store for me. The demons inside of me had more use of my blackened soul."

"Erik you cannot think Christine did not care for you. You know she did and still does. Raoul's methods may have been misguided but his intentions were honorable. If you are honest you will know that your gave everyone little choice but to hunt you down, to trap you. If what Christine told everyone is true then at the end you gained a small measure of forgieness. You can't live in the past or keep repeating the same old mistakes. I know from personal experience that to let the past rule our future actions negatively is to set us apart. It is so very lonely when you fear trusting your heart even to the most simple of human emotions such as caring for our fellow man or trusting in friendship. Too long have I let myself be ruled by the hurts delivered by a man not worthy of me or one moment of thought yet I let him sway how I reacted to everyone for the past few years."

Turning to Erik I can feel the trickle of tears coming down over my cheeks then to drip off my chin. I will not wipe one single tear away. I want Erik to see every tear I spill for both his and my own sorrow. Both of us need to find a way to trust so that we may give our hearts freely. I feel I have come to the crux where we must choose to let go of the past or forever be tied to it and thereby missing out on possibilities for the future. Whether or not we are meant to be together at least we can be a comfort to one another and help the other through the darkness.

"Erik you deserve to have the love of someone just as everyone else does. Before I came to know the sort of man you really are I admit I held your past against you. Many will say my aunt and I are certifiable to forgive you so completely but as she has said many times, you are not the man you were before and Erik, regardless of what some may say or how you see yourself, you are a man, one with faults and virtues just like any other man."

Softly his low sobs reach my ears breaking what little restraint I have over my emotions. I did not intend to bring him to tears or have him suffer in any way The days of wanting to take out my own frustrated anger are long gone. Overwhelming remorse and concern fill my whole being so that I cannot stay my hands as they reach out to cup his face. Turning him toward me with gentle guidance it breaks my heart to see that this man has been brought to suffer at the hands of another woman. Stretching up on my toes I brush my lips against his tenderly at first then press more firmly with my own mouth. I feel an urge to devour him and bring him into the very core of my being.

With my thumbs I brush away the moisture on his cheeks. Knowing how sensitive he is about the ruined side of his face I move my lips to caress them over mangled flesh, bumps and red hued flesh. If I could take away this face he thinks of as a curse I would do anything I could to achieve that. Anything short of taking life would not be too much to ask for Erik to have the full beauty that should have been his all along.

With a deep muffled groan Erik lifts me up and presses me into his chest so that I can hardly take in another breath. His tongue caresses along my lower lip in a way that leaves me with no desire to tell him he is suffocating me. Gladly I will die with his kiss as my last memory to take with me on the journey to heaven.

I have not said a word but he must know of my plight for he gently lowers me to my feet and pushes me a short distance away. His hands are now upon my cheeks and we stare unblinkingly into one another's eyes. I feel as if I am drowning but feel no fear. Dropping his hands Erik begins to undo the top button of my shirt. Pausing for a moment he then continues to move to the second button as he says softly but distinctly, "Tell me to stop. Tell me it is wrong and I am a traitorous beast to have known one woman while wanting another. Tell me the dreams I have of the two of us entwined in a lovers embrace is unthinkable and a betrayal to one whom I owe everything."

Rational has deserted me in my hour of need. At the moment I hear only his voice and feel his touch. Rather than repudiate his actions inside my mind I am shouting for him to hurry. I want to feel skin to skin. I want nothing between us but the desire that has been burning within us for what seems like ages. Be it a sin then the sin we shall both share. We may well travel the road to hell but for the next few minutes I am willing to risk losing my soul. I will have at least this one memory to carry with me the rest of my days whether or not I come to regret it once the deed has come to and end.

We do not tear at one another as I had thought and dreamed we would but rather we savor every button being let loose and every inch of skin being exposed for our pleasure. Erik touches me with trembling hands for the first time on my neck then down toward the mound of flesh quivering expectantly for that first touch by him. Such intense sensations overtake me my knees go weak when he cups me fully in the palm of his hand. He must know what I am feeling for my breast peaks into a hard pebble.

"Look at me Helene. I must see in your eyes that there is no doubt about what is about to happen. I am not a man versed well in the art of love. Eileen…"

Hearing my aunt's name coming from the lips of the man who had only seconds before given me great pleasure from a simple caress causes me to try to pull away from him. It is a half-hearted attempt at best and one Erik is not willing to allow me in any case.

"Helene if you deny me now do so because in your heart of hearts it is not what you truly wish and not because you feel it would dishonor your aunt. If you think about it with an open mind does it not strike you that Eileen has been pushing us toward one another more strongly than is required if we are only to be friends? It pains me just as it must pain you to imagine your aunt not being here but I strongly believe she is preparing us both for just such an eventuality. My life has been such that I cannot deny myself any blessing God sends to me. I will honor your wishes if you do not want to continue. It must and will be your decision."

Dropping his hands and taking a step away from me I now feel bereft not to feel him touching any part of me. He must think that by removing his touch he has taken away whatever hold he has on me. I could tell him otherwise. My mind and body urge me to give in to our desires. Erik wants me to analyze something this complex when my emotions are jangled and distraught by his sensual attack on me. I do not hold him to any blame as I could have stopped him at any time. It does give me a twinge to my conscience that I did not take my aunts feelings into account but only gave a brief moment to how a union with Erik would affect Aunt Eileen.

Wrong or right I can only conclude that this will be one night out of a lifetime. This one night Erik will be wholly mine. I refuse to imagine Eileen will not survive this illness taking her strength. She will have Erik for many years while I shall fade from his memory. Once we are returned to our former life I will leave France. I don't know where I can go but if I go far enough perhaps missing my aunt and loving Erik unreservedly will lessen with time and distance.

Not giving myself time to change my mind I take the step that will irrevocably seal my fate. Erik's eyes momentarily reflect relief just before they light with the fire of passion once more. This time he does not stop at my breast nor does he seem to hesitate touching what his newly nimble fingers exposes. Second by second a man of confidence is emerging. Wherever he leads I will gladly follow.

The night air feels cool against my flesh and Erik surrounds me with his strong arms. Warmth transfers from him to me. Being this close it is not possible for him to hide his arousal from me as it is firmly wedged against my belly. I do not feel shame nor particularly shy even though I have not been fully naked with a man before. Nothing I experienced before prepared me for the passionate lover with me now.

Sinking down we come to rest on the pile of clothes I can barely remember removing from Erik or him removing them from me. After the first few buttons I became enmeshed in a sensual haze.

Lying flat on my back with Erik hovering over me is daunting only for a second as his hands and lips distract me from everything but what he is doing to me. He seems fascinated by my breasts. I have always thought them rather small and quite unremarkable. Erik's lips and hands make me think otherwise.

When he tugs with his mouth upon my nipple I feel a responding wetness pooling between my thighs and a warm tug within my belly. All I have felt before is nothing compared to what I feel when he touches in the place no man ever touched before. I cannot help the lifting of my hips nor stem the groan from working its way up from my throat. An inferno begins to burn me from the inside. My flesh is alive in a way it has never been before.

I want to touch Erik in the same way he is touching me but feel unsure how to begin. Erik takes the decision out of my hands by guiding me to where he wants me to begin my own exploration. His chest is hard with muscles yet the skin is soft with a fine covering of hair that tickles the palm of my hand quite pleasantly. Feeling him rock against my hip with his hard manhood pressing firmly against me is arousing in an unfamiliar way. Really all of this is unfamiliar to me but I am an eager pupil.

"Are you ready sweet Helene? Are you ready for me to make you mine?" Erik's husky questions are whispered in my ear. Ready? I feel I am ready for almost anything but I do not know in what context he is asking the first question. Should I have done something to make myself ready to be his lover other than desire him above all others and ache madly for us to become one?

"Yes my love. Yes."

He settles between my thighs and braces his upper body with his arms. Every muscle is bunched and tightened to an impressive degree. Without the outer trappings of man Erik is a very impressive sculpted male. Greedily my hands and eyes explore all of him that I can. I feel his manhood searching for entrance then feel a slight stretching pain just before an incredible wave of sensation engulfs me. Erik must have felt my first tensing as he entered me for he has ceased to move any further. He is hardly breathing. The poor man will asphyxiate himself if this continues.

Working my hands downward I find his buttocks and cup one hand on either side. Pushing down with my hands I also thrust upward with my hips. Erik may be backward in some things but not where sensuality is concerned. I do believe he has become a master in the art of physical pleasure. Only momentarily thinking of how he came by this knowledge distracts me. Erik's mouth pulling at my nipple as his manhood fills me completely. I do feel a little pain but not enough to deter me from seeking an end to this torturous journey we have begun together.

I haven't had a lover in this way before and did not quite know what to expect but it doesn't matter as Erik begins the dance of lovers and invites me to move and sway to his music. His fingers dance along my skin as if he strikes keys on a piano. The tune I hear steadily climbs into a higher pitch. Sensual waves of ecstasy tighten the muscles just below my waist. My hands encounter the sweat coating Erik's back. Diving my fingers into his hair I find it wet as well. This is what I do to him. For me he loses all control and in these moments of passion we are the only two beings in the world. Nothing else matters. Not his face, any lover he had before or anything else that might come between us once our need is satisfied.

Quickening his movements stokes the fire in my belly and the one in him as well. With each thrust into me I hear a grunt coming from Erik that is not something he would normally allow himself to make. A hissing sound comes from between his teeth as he fights to stave off the inevitable. Neither one of us will be able to hold out much longer.

"Eileen I can't…" Erik groans as he thrusts mightily into me.

"Neither can I Erik. Give in to me as I give in to you. I want all of you." Some women and men may say things such as this in the heat of passion then retract them once passion is cooling. This is not the case for me. I want all of Erik and would gladly swear my love to him if not for my aunt. I shall not be too greedy. One night is what I promised myself and one night it shall be.

We came together in a climax so gripping for a few seconds we appeared to be frozen in that moment when our faces were locked in grimaces brought about by intense passion. Gradually as the waves continued to crash within us our downward spiral began. Our hearts thundered against one another keeping time one to the other. Our breaths were strained as we dragged in much needed oxygen. Having dampened our desire still we did not move to part. Erik continued to nibble at my ear, neck and breasts. I particularly liked it when he kissed me just where my neck met my shoulder. Each pass of his lips brought a shivering delight that traveled throughout my body.

As for myself Erik's body proved to be uncharted territory that needed to be explored slowly leaving not one inch that did not know my touch. Knowing we must return soon I did all I could to bring Erik back to a state of arousal. I need not have worried. With very little inducement his manhood rose to the occasion. This time our mating spoke of our desperation to brand one another. Fervently we traded stroke for stroke. If I could have absorbed him into me so I might keep him with me until the day I die I would gladly do so. How shall I live now without him? How can I live another day knowing he will never be mine? It is one thing to tell myself I want only this one night but quite another to fast approach the time we must go back and be as we were before. My world will turn black and still everything around me will seem not to have changed at all when for me everything is different yet I must pretend things remain the same as my heart breaks and my life crumbles and turns to dust for it will be a wasteland without Erik to sustain me. No other man shall be with me as he has been. I shall not love another as I love him. We have been blessed and cursed by the same occurrence. Dressing to return left us both with something to do so we could avoid looking at one another. If I had to meet his gaze I would end up begging on my knees for him to love me and declare he loved me as I loved him. It wouldn't be fair to place Erik in that position for I know how he feels for Aunt Eileen and the great care he takes with her welfare and her feelings. Because I do love him with every fiber of my being I will learn to bear the weight of my unrequited love. This I can and must do for the woman who gave me so much. It is bad enough I shall have to live knowing I betrayed her by giving in to my lust for Erik. Love him I could have done in silence but I let my body's wants and needs take that which should only be for my aunt and Erik to share. That burden will weigh heavily on my conscience but it is a weight I will bare willingly as it is all that will keep me going when my world seems cold and bleak without a man's strong arms to wrap around me and keep me warm and feeling safe. This will be the burden of my shame alone.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Sorry for the long delay. Life unfortunately is driving inspiration right out of me. I am writing on the next chapter already. Hopefully for once life won't kick me in the teeth. Keep your fingers crossed. **

**Chapter Nineteen**

**Sacrifice**

**Erik**

I should hate myself and what I have done but cannot find it in me to give such a negative label to something so precious as the sharing of ones body with another to express what the heart feels.

There are those who would argue Helene and I only shared sexual gratification and to a point they would be correct. On my part my body spoke expressively what my mouth cannot speak aloud just yet. There is so much to be settled before I can come to Helene with a clear conscience.

I know she feels burdened by her own guilt and I wish I could speak words that would alleviate those hurtful emotions which will burden her with heavy regrets upon her innocent heart.

Hoping to waylay Eileen's suspicions I try to be attentive to her every want. It does not take long for both Helene and I to notice her aunt's weak responses to all our attempts to tempt her to eat and sit up lest she becomes too weak to stand again.

Soon it becomes clear we must resurface or Eileen will certainly die. This damp environment does nothing good for her lungs. Her body is being tasked beyond its capabilities to sustain life. It pains me to think of her light being forever extinguished. Helene is beside herself with guilt and remorse. Soon it is apparent she is becoming ill herself. Our return to the world above is now imperative.

The morning Eileen would not respond when Helene tried to wake her we knew our time here had come to an end no matter what went on above us. War or no war we would be heading back to Eileen's home.

Waiting for darkness was the hardest part of the day. If it were only me I would make it but with two women and one unable to walk the risk of detection is great even under the cover of darkness.

Darkness and I are old friends. Some may fear what hides in its shadowed corners but I find them places of comfort. It takes me almost half an hour to make my way to the stables. The streets are nearly deserted at this time of night. Only those with intentions of dishonest dealings walk about. Everyone is too worried about keeping their own anonymity to worry about one lone cloaked man stepping with purpose down the sidewalk. If I could travel the whole way in alleyways there would be less danger of detection. Should one of the soldiers ask me for papers then my hope of acquiring what I seek quietly then I must avoid drawing attention.

Two guards are standing outside the doors to the stable. Looking around an idea is formed that should provide the cover I need to make off with a wagon and a couple of horses. Murdering the two guards would be quicker but then an alarm would go out to check everyone going in and out of the area. On my own I could evade anyone. A wagon is even beyond my skills to hide.

At the side of the stable I find a lantern with enough kerosene to set a good sized blaze. I will have to go further down the street to choose a business far enough away from where I need to be so the guards are lured away from the stables. Also I must be careful to choose an establishment that does not house the proprietor and family upstairs.

Tossing the lit lantern through the storefront window it is not long before there is a nice blaze. Shouts from the street brings the crowd to either stand and watch the licking flames or start the bucket brigade.

Seeing several uniformed gendarmes as well as some local police I grab this opportunity to do what I came to do. Naturally the horses are skittish smelling the smoke just beginning to spread out into the street. It is not easy but at last I have them harnessed. That task took longer than I expected. My skills in that area are not what they should be.

No one takes notice of the wagon or its hooded driver. Luck continues to ride with me as I return and park in the alley. I'll need to carry out the provisions first so they can be placed with easy accessibility as well as providing a place for Eileen that is easy to remove her if necessary.

Feeling the urgency with every step my relief is short lived when Helene greets me with the news Eileen is now unconscious. I have known of people lapsing into such a state and never waking again. The tight squeezing inside my chest will not ease until I have us all safely back at the estate and can give Eileen proper care. I can deal with certain ailments but something of this magnitude needs a trained mind.

Silently we work together removing everything of some use to our survival. The process takes more time than we could afford. By now the fire is under control and interest will move into open pubs for further discussion. That will leave the authorities with more time to cast suspicious eyes toward those still milling around the streets or someone driving a wagon with two women in the early morning hours. Travel at that time of day generally means criminal activity. A couple hours later and we could be mistaken for peddlers or a delivery wagon. Since war is temporarily at a cease commodities are slowly making their way back into the shops.

Eileen is the last thing I carry out. It worries me that not even my jostling her brings the smallest of protest. Helene and I neither one can look at the other. For me it is not so much guilt keeping me from looking her in the eye, it is the fear of seeing the realization of Eileen's impending departure from our lives. All that can be done for her now is to provide what comfort we can.

Gently I lay my burden down on the blanket I prepared for her. Her head rests on a pillow. Taking her pulse I find it slower than it should be but at least it is thumping continuously.

Without a word Helene joins her aunt in the back. Climbing into the seat it is hard to remind myself that I must go at a leisurely pace in order to not draw unwanted attention.

Several hours later Helene requests that we stop so Eileen may be tempted to drink and eat. Having nothing to tempt a healthy appetite it is useless trying to do more than give her some water.

If we travel steadily with only stops of two to three hours so I may rest we should arrive home in a couple of days. Home, how wonderful it feels to think of a place as home and not a prison. If I had someone like Eileen or Helene with me at the opera house I would have been content and less obsessive with my music or Christine.

Sacrificing our own comfort is proof of how high we regard Eileen. Food is our only concession to our own needs. All water other than what it takes to wet our lips is saved for our patient. At all costs her comfort is paramount.

My relief on at last arriving at the estate is short-lived. In our absence looters took everything of value then destroyed the rest. Without what we brought with us the next few days would not be easy for any of us.

"Erik, why would anyone do this? Taking valuables I understand but…but to leave behind such carnage is unfathomable," Helene asks tearfully.

"When men come together with one objective such as war there are times when humanity is forgotten. Mobs are known for their lack of compassion," I say with memories of the mob descending into my home beneath the opera house.

"For tonight we will make do in one room. Settling Eileen is first on the agenda. While I see to the well try to find some mattresses that are not too rat infested or rotting for use. Between the two of us we can have them clean in no time at all," I say trying to sound optimistic rather than desperate which is how I actually feel seeing all of Eileen's possessions missing and everything else made almost useless. At least they did not set fire to the house.

The well has not been tainted. The inside plumbing is likely destroyed. A few days solidly working together will set things right.

For now I bring only one bucket for our immediate needs. Getting the inside fit to live in will take a day or two. Only a few downstairs room will be adequate for our use. Taking care of Eileen will be easier downstairs.

Our meal this first night is simple. Some dried fruit and a small slice of cheese. Tomorrow I will search in the fruit cellar for any food not taken by the servants or found by marauders. The basement lined with shelves filled with canned fruits and vegetables we only took as much as we could haul. The fruit cellar might have been overlooked as the house and stables held items worth more than a man's yearly income.

"Let us get Eileen settled in then we can make our own bed…beds," as I stumble over my mistake I pray her mind is so distracted by her aunt's welfare my words are meaningless to her.

Rising color to the cheek I can see in profile ends any hope for clemency. Maybe she will blame my own worry over Eileen and thus forgive my error.

Dragging a couple of mattresses outdoors then beating them with a broom handle and poker from the fireplace, are welcome tasks. Frustration is alleviated as the two of us whack away at our innocent victims.

Without discussing the matter our beds are placed far enough apart so there will be less opportunity for any awkward situations to arise. To further this two privacy screens are brought down from upstairs.

Sleep that night eluded me. On one side of me a woman struggled for life while on the other a woman wept out her grief. My own tears were repressed so I could present a confident front as to what the future held. The reality of our situation need not be put before our eyes at every moment.

For the next two days our living space and provisions are organized and assessed. Eileen's forethought in choosing where to place her safe rewarded us at this time by remaining untouched. There was enough inside to buy a few provisions as well as medicine. A trip to town will be necessary as Eileen worsens. With all my skills I find nothing here to use to ease her pain or cure this silent assassin taking our loved one from us.

I worry in case a stray unit of soldiers come by and decide to take a look inside. To protect us I have made various kind of traps. A few lines made from the remaining piano wires are placed strategically around the outer perimeter of the yard. That is the best I can do. Hopefully it will be enough should we have unwanted company.

Just when Eileen seems to be rallying a fever puts her life in immediate jeopardy. A trip to town is now urgent. My darling Helene is torn about me leaving them alone. It is not spoken but I can see in her eyes concern for me as well. She forgets who I used to be and what I am capable of doing.

It is to be hoped the doctor's office in town holds what I need. If I never see Paris again there will be no regrets on my part. I am done with that part of my life. Forever and always I will love Christine in a special way and keep her in my heart but I now know she was an impossible dream. Once Raoul came back into her life the outcome became an inevitable conclusion. These thoughts and others played inside my mind on the way to town making the ride in less grueling.

Risking recognition and thus capture if anyone sees me would do no one any good even if I want to barge in demanding what I need. Being early morning it is likely the doctor will be doing rounds. If not then there will be no choice, I will have to take the risk no one will know of my infamy.

Luck is with me and the doctor has a small bottle of laudanum. Many doctors are discontinuing its use as more harm than good comes with its use. Continued consumption brings on dependency, one that is hard to break.

Returning to the estate a familiar emotion washes over me. I am home. These two women are home not just the buildings. They are at the heart of it with everything else being lucky happenstance.

Helene managed to bring Eileen's temperature down enough for her to be resting peacefully. When she wakes and the pain returns the laudanum will give her relief. Addiction is a moot point. Wellbeing is all we can ask for now.

Throughout the day and long into the night we sit vigilantly by waiting for some sign Eileen is not yet ready to leave us. Our reward comes just as the new dawn of the next day breaks.

"Erik, Helene, why are the two of you sleeping in such uncomfortable chairs when you have perfectly adequate mattresses available?" Eileen croaks out weakly with a weak smile. She knows as well as we do sleeping on a lumpy mattress on the floor is far from sleeping on them when fresh and new on top of a solid bed frame makes for sore muscles and stiff joints.

"Aunt Eileen those lumpy backbreakers were not missed as far as I am concerned. The sooner we get them replaced and set on a proper frame the happier I will be," Helene says sounding more cheerful than earlier in the day.

"Eileen there is a vegetable soup warming on the stove. Would you like a bowl now? You must be hungry," I say hoping I do not sound as desperate as I feel for a positive reply. Hunger indicates the body is ready to refuel and get on with life or so I believe.

"I do think I could eat a small portion." Whether she wants nourishment just to please us makes no difference to me. Just to have her awake and aware is enough for me at the moment.

Helene and I go about our business once Eileen is settled with pillows propping her upright with her meal. By mutual agreement we look on while trying to appear interested in our tasks. Helene pouncing on Eileen just as the last mouthful is finished did sort of end any pretence of ignoring our patient.

Quickly we found out Eileen did not like being referred to as an invalid. To her that meant weakness and even while this terrible infliction ate away at her there was nothing weak about her faculties, in body yes there was weakness but not in her mind. I learned this personally when I received a summons not to be refused.

Two weeks having passed with no intruders we began to reclaim more of the house. Three bedrooms were made habitable. Next we tackled the rest of the house a room at a time. Physical labor kept our minds busy on the tasks at hand and not on the inevitable heartbreak ahead.

Helene came down one morning with Eileen's breakfast tray informing me that my presence was strongly being requested. I also received word no excuses would be tolerated by either of them. As I feared Helene received the same summons. For weeks I have dreaded this day. I well knew what Eileen wanted to discuss. Helene did too which is why we both tarried longer with needless tasks rather than face what Eileen would say.

Eileen wasted no time getting to the point as she scolded, "Helene stop fussing with my pillow. If you pound at it any more the poor thing will fall apart. Sit, the both of you. We have things that must be said and things we must confront head on. Sit," she commanded again making us feel like performing dogs.

"Now, down to business," she says folding her hands decisively in her lap. Looking at her in this moment no one would think this woman would not be with us much longer. If the light were not so bright one might even be deceived into believing nothing at all was wrong with her. For now her strength appeared to have partially returned.

Reaching out a hand to both of us we grasp on gently as neither of us want to bruise her tender flesh. In recent days we have noticed how easily Eileen can be hurt without any such thing being intended. Her veins could easily be mapped they are so prominent through the parchment thin flesh.

"My loves, we all must look at what is reality no matter how much we wish to change matters. God in his infinite wisdom has tasked me with enduring this terrible foe and I am at peace with that. Seeing my beloved Henri again gives me courage to look forward to the unknown with less fear than if I had no one waiting for me," she pauses to remove one hand to collect the handkerchief hidden in the sleeve of her gown. Dabbing at her eyes gives Helene and I a moment to share a glance of commiseration.

Life before I considered hard and unfair. Now I think it might become unbearable without Eileen's sweet nature in our life.

"When the time comes the two of you will need one another more than you have needed anyone in your life before. Your shared love and concern for me should bring you together in a time when comfort is needed," Eileen pauses as Helene cannot hold back a sob of despair. Holding my own desolation back is taking every bit of resolve I can bring forth.

"Oh my darling Helene, do not fret so. Do not see this as something negative. Of course you will mourn my passing but do not let it become a thing which drags your spirit into despair. Think of this as a new journey for me, one that will take me to all those who have gone before me and a place where all my worldly concerns are left behind. I am ready Helene. I am ready to see my Henri again." There is such a radiance around Eileen I cannot doubt her words. Her faith is such that it gives her courage in this time when every human being must come to terms with mortality.

"Come now, dry your eyes and promise me that the two of you will come together when…when my time comes. I shall not be able to rest peacefully unless I know the two dearest people in my life are at peace with what has gone before. There is nothing that cannot be forgiven when love is in your heart. Everyone makes mistakes. Look how badly you treated poor Erik when you first met. Did you not come to…to care for him…just a little?"

Knowing Eileen as I do this is her way of pardoning us from any sins we have committed against her. She is not one to make a scene or rant and rave. Neither is she one to hold onto someone who has feelings for another. A smile so brilliant my breath catches leaves me with all the assurance I need that Eileen and I would have remained close if her life were not soon to be cut short. As it is we shall connect when I bow my head in prayer. Prayer is another gift Eileen will leave me. How can one not believe in a higher power with one of his angels here on earth?

For now we are accepting of what will come. How could we know how deeply Eileen's loss would be felt by both of us? The strain from guilt may well pull us both asunder.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Almost at the end. Hang in there. Been sick for three days but still wrote when illness permitted. That is the level of my committment to my readers. **

**Chapter Twenty**

**The Weight of Guilt**

**Helene's POV**

Yesterday is a day that put an end to my illusion that Aunt Eileen would live to see us through this time of rebuilding our lives. I feel the loss of her presence already and yet she still lives. Mentally distancing myself from the current situation is how I am able to cope with the day to day grind.

Upon Aunt Eileen's request we are planning a picnic out in the gazebo located in the back garden. It is a special place for her as Uncle Henri proposed to her after a gala one spring night. Love was in the air that night she professed with such happiness in her voice. Soon after they married then left once Paris became more trouble than Uncle Henri wanted to deal with.

Out in the garden there are a few volunteer vegetables to use for our picnic. A stray apple here and there is soon in my basket. Erik gallantly offered his services for the hard labor. All I have to do is carry our booty back to the house then prepare a meal fit for a queen, one ruling an impoverished nation but a queen all the same.

In the larder a moldy ring of cheese can be eaten after removing the outer coating of mold. Trying to think of some delicacy we have not had in a while, I remember the kitchen has a cold case where large portions of meat were hung after being smoked. Slices were cut off as needed. Perhaps some remnants remain. Luck is with me, A flank of beef is hanging in the far corner. The meat is covered with green mold. Uncle Henri showed me once how the ruined meat could be cut away then the layer beneath eaten with no ill affects. I will need to boil the meat as it is rather dry. I suppose anyone vandalizing the house thought more of material riches than sustenance. A month or so later I can well imagine their growling bellies giving them grief. Their loss is our gain.

Nature gave us a perfectly beautiful day. We ate, laughed and just enjoyed being together. Aunt Eileen looked so much at peace I found it hard to reconcile this with what I knew must be going through her mind. Saying one is accepting of the inevitable is far different from what is actually is going on inside I would imagine.

Anyone looking on would see three happy people sharing a normal day. They also might see a happily married couple with a mother slash mother-in-law. For a moment I let my mind block out harsh reality to live in a world of make believe, one where Erik and I are that happily married couple and Aunt Eileen has no illness taking her life second by second. How short this imagine world is for the mist between dream and reality are brought home as I catch sight of this once vital woman looking happy but so horribly ill.

Only my aunt can see something good where everyone else sees only bleak truths. Without warning Aunt Eileen pleads with Erik to sing and play the rather worse for wear violin he found in the music room. Her request for one of Erik's own compositions causes some unease in him until Aunt Eileen gives him one of her famous persuasive smiles. Lying back on the mound of pillows we placed for her on one of the gazebo benches she closes her eyes then folds her hands across her stomach.

"Erik, I should like very much to hear the song you sang to Christine the first time you took her below. According to her it is a song that is pure seduction set to music. Do not fret, she also said The Point of no Return nearly melted her bones. I am in the mood to hear something romantic. Henri is very much on my mind today," she concludes knowing full well Erik can deny her nothing.

I must confess that I am moved by both the words and the music. How did someone as impressionable as Christine manage not to give Erik everything he asked of her? Clearly her fear of him and her love for Raoul kept her from throwing herself into his waiting arms. Denying my jealousy is useless. It eats away at me. For so long he loved Christine then Aunt Eileen's sweet giving nature won his devotion. What do I have to offer him after two so very perfect creatures? I am hateful most of the time. Aunt Eileen is the only person I tolerated in my life for so long I am not certain anyone else will put up with my jaded and opinionated outlook on life.

Glancing at Aunt Eileen she looks so peaceful. Erik has done this for her. For that I will be eternally grateful. Her last months were not all dedicated to looking toward the end with only suffering in the future. He gave her a glimpse of what she had with Uncle Henri. I do not know how I missed it before but Erik resembles my uncle when he was a young man. Had his face not been disfigured it could be argued that Uncle Henri planted a seed in a woman's garden other than my aunt's. I shall have to find a picture of my uncle so Erik can see how his flesh should have been molded. Perhaps I shall wait for a moment when that knowledge will not hurt him. Hurting him is not something I wish to do any longer. I wish only for his good health and happiness.

The finale note drifts away lingering in the air as if reluctant to be silenced. We share a moment where thoughts are conveyed without a word being spoken. For a moment I find my feet taking me in Erik's direction. Passing my aunt's prone figure is my saving grace. Her presence keeps me from committing an act that later I would regret with all my being. I do not know if I am strong enough to stay out of Erik's arms but I must so that I may honor my aunt's love for him. As hard as she tries to push us together I am not blind to the jealousy she tries to hide from me. Women can read another woman in matters of the heart especially if they are close as we are.

No one wants to face their mortality. To have it thrust upon us before our time is cruel. I shall try to be strong for this dear woman but the reality of it is once she is gone I shall have no one. Raoul will try to be there for me but he now has other responsibilities now that he is married.

Trying to put my morbid thoughts aside I start gathering the remains of our picnic. With Erik's help everything is soon cleared away. We both head over to Aunt Eileen. She looks so peaceful. Almost as if…no, I will not let dark thoughts ruin our day.

Looking down at her I say quietly, "Erik she looks so peaceful. One would never know anything troubled her. Does she not look content and free of trouble?"

"Yes, our sweet Eileen is at peace."

Something in his voice, some quality not there during our conversation earlier sends shivers down my spine. Glancing up at him the tears leaving a wet trail on his face disturbs me more than if he shouted out his despair. A deep well of pain began to replace the former warmth and joy brought about by this perfect day with the two people I love most in the world.

Erik's gentle hand on my shoulder felt like a heavy burden of solid rock rather than flesh and bone. The same heaviness moved cell by cell within my body. It came to me as I peered down at the still lifeless form lying there looking so very much like the woman who only an hour or so ago laughed and enjoyed our day stolen out of time that no longer would I hear her gentle chastisement, the sweet notes of her laughter or share another secret with her. It is more than I am able to bear.

Swaying, I feel dizzy then fall down to my knees staying the fall of my upper body by coming to rest across Aunt Eileen's body. I can feel the warmth of her skin not yet grown cold by deaths icy grasp. For one insane moment I think to demand Erik take her and place her inside the green house and there preserve this wonderful woman forever as she looks now.

Cold like death seeps slowly into me beginning in my core to work its way outward until I feel like a block of ice. Briefly I wonder if I shall ever feel the warmth of life flowing through my veins. I feel nothing. Not grief, not sorrow or loss. Even my emotions are frozen. I am as good as dead. Nothing has any meaning for me. No longer do I even feel part of this world. I may as well place myself in the tomb with Aunt Eileen and her beloved husband, Uncle Henri.

From somewhere I hear a voice but it does not hold any connection to me for I am dead. Dead, cold and unfeeling. It is good not to feel. I thank God for this mercy just before total darkness takes me away to a place where there is no pain, no worry, not blame or guilt.

I awoke to darkness. There is no way to know how much time has passed since…since this afternoon. Trying to recall what happened only brings an ache inside my head. There is something important, perhaps monumental in fact that I should remember but all I can bring to clarity is feeling happy to be with Erik and Aunt Eileen. Her happiness showed clearly on her face by its radiant glow. Beyond that I cannot remember anything. Perhaps I ate something that made me ill and I collapsed.

Worry about Aunt Eileen has me throwing the covers aside. I must check on her. It is unfair to leave the full brunt of her care to Erik on top of keeping watch over me. As my feet begin to take me to the door, a feeling of dread wells up, getting stronger with every step.

Flashes of my aunt, me and Erik start to swirl around causing a kaleidoscope affect of the snippets of what I am recalling. The dread from before multiplies exponentially. As much as I would rather close the door on this avenue of recollection it is too late. Every ghastly detail soon parades in order of occurrence. It is too much to bear. Guilt takes the last bit of strength I have in reserve.

Coming to my feet I wobble back to the bed. Crawling under the blankets I bury myself under their weight wishing they were a mound of dirt and this my burial tomb. Hearing voices panic sets in. Are we being taken over by marauding soldiers?

If they disturb one hair on Aunt Eileen's head they will have no safe place to hide. Thinking of what little consequence any disturbance to her now would make I almost give up my struggle to leave the safe haven of my room. Fleetingly I wonder where Erik is and if he is confronting several armed men on his own. Trying to feel nothing at the prospect of something happening to him is a useless endeavor. I still care.

I will conquer this destructive emotional attachment I have for this man or die trying. There can be no future in such nonsense. Did I not see in the very beginning how poisonous an alliance with such a man would be? He is the cancer, the bringer of death. It is all Erik's fault. He lured me with his devilish charm. I am weak and he saw that just as Satan can see any weak sinner.

Managing to walk along the long hall without falling my steps take me toward the voices coming from downstairs. On some level I recognize them. Two masculine voices mingled with the softer tones of perhaps two women.

Hesitation slows my steps then stops them altogether. Head swimming, pulse racing, I try to keep from letting the black void take me away once more. There is something that must be brought to light and to do that I must take the stairs downward so I may be judged betrayer and sinner.

Forcing one foot in front of the other at last I come to what seems to be an endless flight of steps. One by one they take me down until the group at the bottom hear a creaking step and look up. The only face I see is Erik's. His eyes bear more sorrow than I can bear. I cannot let him fool me with false regret. I must voice his transgressions out loud so they all will know.

All I can say in my defense is that some evil entity took over my mind and body. I could hear the vile words I hurled at Erik as I scratched and clawed at him but could not relate such an uncontrolled outburst to the calm sane woman I know myself to be. Later it would all be explained to me but God help me until then we all will live in hell.

By God's good grace darkness takes me from this hellish moment. For once I welcomed that black abyss.

Our conversation left me feeling scraped raw inside. All I want to do is crawl into a dark place shutting the world out.


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: Sorry no editing.

Chapter Twenty-One

Even the Wicked Cry

Erik's POV

Life has proven over and over to me that taking anything for granted is a mistake. How terrible to live such an idealistic life only to lose it all in one fell swoop. Better to never have enjoyed a moment of happiness if without warning it can be ripped away leaving you with nothing.

For once in my life although things look bleak I am not to stand alone braving life's harsh blows. Three women fussing over me in earlier years would have seemed like being transported to heaven. Nothing matters as long as Helene turns away from me shutting me out at a time when we need one another just as Eileen predicted.

For the last three days Helene has been locked inside her room. We did not foresee her leaving her sickbed to lock us out. No sound comes from within for the first two days, just dreadful silence.

Everyone advices me against breaking down the door at the moment. Weeping can be heard so we know there is still life behind that mahogany door. For every tear my beloved weeps I shed two. Fighting off morass feelings is hard but how can one not see a light amidst the darkness with four people constantly holding your hand, kissing your cheek or regaling you with hopeful outcomes to the current situation.

Raoul only made the concession to sit with me or replace the water in my jug when I too took to my bed. He has even gone so far as to bring me sustenance. Little holds interest for me. Antoinette berates me for not making more effort to see the positive side of things still left to me. To that end the woman takes up her former career of bossing underlings around in order to put the house to rights from top to bottom. Only her assurances how pleased Helene will be once she returns to her senses, forces me from my bed.

During the daylight hours I spend pent-up energy hauling furniture out to be cleaned and mended when needed. The women clean the inside while Raoul and I use our muscle wielding piece after piece outside. We grumble when we are ordered to beat the dust out of rugs. The cloud of dust cannot be good for my throat. I plan to woe Helene with song all night every night if need be until she returns to me.

During one of our intermittent coughing spells Raoul hesitantly offers me his opinion on Helene's state of mind.

"Erik, it is not my custom to interfere unless requested to do so but this is a matter that has gone on too long. Helene is hiding from what her mind cannot deal with now. Antoinette and I have spoken of this current situation and feel in order to make any further progress we must force the issue. To that end the women will be taking a tray up this evening and sit outside the door all night if need be. No one refuses Antoinette anything she sets her mind on having. Look how long she kept you beneath the opera house," Raoul ends with a slight joke of sorts. In a way Antoinette did keep me tethered to my former home. I could have found similar lodgings anywhere in the world if I had chosen to do so no matter how I permitted myself to believe myself tied by the ugliness of my face. I am ugly no matter what place I occupy. For a moment I am certain I hear Eileen's voice chastising me. I smile for the rest of the day.

Antoinette pulls me aside when the others declare they cannot move another muscle without taking a few minutes to recoup. I would much rather keep working. Left with too much time to think I may take matters into my own hands by breaking down Helene's door.

Closing the door behind her Antoinette turns to me giving me one of her most stern, fixed and hard eyed stares. Only for a miniscule moment does it bring forth the urge to fidget like a small boy under his mother's chastising eye.

Then one of her warm smiles spreads across her lips as she softly says, "Erik, I know how you are feeling and know what thoughts are in your mind. I am proud of your forbearance during this difficult time. Helene needed time alone and you gave her that."

Praise, for my behavior, from one of the sternest women I know? For a brief second I await a lightening bolt to strike m unworthy carcass. I am left whole and unscathed. How different my life is now.

"We have all given Helene her space but this standoff has gone on too long. It is unhealthy to lock herself away in this fashion. I will speak with her tonight just before dinner. My guess is she has not bathed since locking herself in. I will not give her the option to refuse. If I have to force her to rejoin the living then I shall do so but with kid-gloves. Tonight Erik, I instruct you to make yourself presentable. Then we shall see how things go from there. Is that something you think you can do?"

For Helene I can and will do anything. Without her there is no reason for me to be. Without her love I will wither and die.

"Do this Antoinette and I shall forever be in your debt. I…I cannot live without her. Make her see that. Make her see that together we can withstand whatever life puts in our path," nearly choking at the end on my emotions I turn away. Wisely Antoinette understands why I must turn away. I do manage to keep from sobbing aloud but I am certain she did not miss the shimmer of my tears ready to spill over as my emotions overwhelm me.

With quick steps I take the stairs two at a time. Days of dirt from my labors must be washed away. Tonight I will once again be the proper gentleman Eileen taught me to be. Not only will I look the part but I shall act the part as well.

Since most of my things were left behind there is little left worth being thought a gentleman's attire.

Once more Raoul comes to my aid. I am sure Christine has much to do with his generosity. A few alterations later no one would guess I wear borrowed goods. I must say it feels rather good to have the last few days growth removed from my face. Many times over the years I thought of growing a beard but now I know I do not care to look so scruffy. Some men can carry a beard well, I am not one of those. I prefer smooth skin, especially if I am aloud to get close to Helene again. I craver her touch, her lips on mine. Although I miss intimacy, it is not so important that I will rush my darling Helene into anything. At the moment her mind is far too fragile for that much emotion.

It feels wonderful to be clean again. I did not realize how I missed such frivolous things. Trying to stay alive, while being in charge of two precious women, leaves no time for vanity. Eileen's illness held all our focus as her health deteriorated.

Many prayers later I am ready to face my future or my ruin. For once I feel almost confident of the outcome. A wave of peace overcomes me and I know Eileen has given her blessing to me from beyond the grave.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Anyone who has fought depression will know how devastating it can be and how hard to control. I am fighting my way back. At last I am taking an interest in writing again. Not there yet but on the way. **

**It is a blessing to be able to share the words that resound almost unceasingly inside my mind. I am so happy they at least make sense as they come pouring out. May they continue to do so. **

**Chapter Twenty-two**

**Love's Healing Power**

**Helene's POV **

How long has passed I cannot say with any certainty as for most of my time barricaded in my room I think I have been if not comatose then disassociated with my surroundings or the passing of time. One day ran into another. Misery and guilt weighed me down with crippling effect.

On what day clarity started to return I think was the day I imagined Aunt Eileen here chastising me for behaving so badly toward Erik and those who have come to lend their support. Knowing something is wrong does not make it any easier to accept or return to normalcy after going so far down one path.

Admitting committing a wrong is never something anyone readily admits to themselves or anyone else. Having Antoinette, Christine and Meg periodically knocking at the door with food or friendly advise began to sink into my consciousness I suppose around the third or forth day. That is also when sleep led me to see and hear Aunt Eileen as if she stood before me looking just as wonderfully sweet as always.

When I decided to at last listen to her sage advice I also made the wise decision to allow Antoinette to enter my room. I felt it only fair to let her unleash the head of steam that surely must have built up over the last week or so.

One knock from outside my door brought me to the door as I smoothed down my hair and rumpled gown. The clothing I wore during my days of hibernation no longer felt quite so comfortable or so desirable as they did when I cared nothing about how I looked, now I do. I want everyone to see the old Helene even if a slightly less reserved one. Showing a hard shell to the outside world is not something I plan to continue. I will not be anyone's doormat but I will be less rigid.

If by some miracle Erik still holds some regard for me I shall thank God and feel blessed to receive such an undeserved gift. Recalling the vast number of times I heard Erik's voice outside the door pleading for me to say a word to him gives me hope in that direction.

Opening the door I expected to see a woman with a stern no nonsense expression. Instead I only saw compassion and an openness reflecting back at me. Such underserved generosity broke through the last hold I had on my emotions.

Nearly collapsing against Antoinette I began to babble disjointedly, "I am so sorry. How is he? I feel so ashamed. I tried so hard to ignore my feelings. How could she stand to be near me much less forgive me for what I did? Does everyone think I have lost m mind? For a time I do feel I could not think clearly. Did you bring a tray? I am starving?"

Unbelievably I ended my purge of guilt by asking for food. True I have not had sustenance for a few days but my immediate concern should only be for Erik's emotional state. Instead I act like a glutton demanding to be fed.

Much to my surprise Antoinette grabs me pulling me tightly against her giving me what some refer to as a bear hug as she excitedly cries out, "Well young lady you have certainly taken us all on a merry dance. Christine, Meg, come in and see our Helene has returned."

Two squealing whirlwinds come through the door rushing forward and nearly knocking us all to the floor. As a group hugs and kisses are shared as tears of joy fall down unreservedly. Support of this kind is just the cure I have needed. They offered it all along but I let my guilt shut them all out. I had to touch the bottom of hell before I could begin the climb back to heaven in Erik's arms. I am halfway there.

It is agreed we will all freshen up so as not to startle the men. Men do not understand a woman's tears of happiness so well as their tears of sadness. Christine hangs back waiting for the other two women to make way to their rooms before closing the door then turning to me with a look I interpret as resolution. The long awaited discussion of our mutual admiration for Erik is at hand.

This is not my conversation to start so I wait with a small amount of nerves for her to begin. Hands clasped tightly are evidence that I am not the only one suffering from nerves. Just when I think it is her intention to drive me to the breaking point she quietly says, "Helene, I have done nothing but think of Erik since we parted, both here and from the opera house. Just because I chose to leave with Raoul that does not mean I care nothing for Erik, on the contrary I feel deeply for him."

"I…I know Christine. I closed my eyes and mind to how you could care even the slightest bit for someone I thought beneath your notice while you had someone like Raoul willing to fall at his feet to worship you. Now…now I cannot imagine how you could bear to leave him at all," I speak honestly letting my own regard show plainly for anyone within hearing of my words know exactly how I feel about Erik.

Reaching out we clasp hands looking into the others face looking for any dishonesty and found none. It is plain to see Christine does love Erik still albeit in a lesser degree than what she feels for Raoul. I shall not give in to those treacherous inclinations toward jealousy.

"Let us admit this one time our…devotion for Erik then speak of it no more. Raoul does tend to show possessive tendencies. Were our roles reversed I am sure I would feel the same. I do love Erik. There are times…not so many now…but there are times when I wish I possessed the bravery to choose a different path. I know it is not healthy to keep imagining what might have been but…well Erik is hard to forget as I am sure you know," Christine finishes with a blush on her cheeks and eyes toward her feet.

I am well aware what affect Erik can have on ones emotions. Willing person or not he has the ability to draw people to him when he drops all those defensive barriers protecting his softer side. Few knowing of his past deeds could comprehend the man hurt so deeply all his life that he feels to strike out is the way to protect himself from hurt.

My heart aches just imagining the little boy Erik once was being beaten while taunts were shouted from paying customers lining up to witness the oddity advertised on some gaudy banner. How many years of tender loving care will it take to dim those years he suffered? If he will have me, my life shall be dedicated to showing him all the love and tenderness he deserves.

"Christine, we shall both love him and give him what we can. If life offers us the chance to remain closely connected perhaps you may yet give Erik something he secretly craves almost as much as he craves for love, someone to share his love of music. If the future grants him a legacy of children perhaps their will be one to carry on his gift. Until then honor him by at least bringing voice to his music. What greater homage could anyone offer? I do no promise not to feel jealous but I shall not begrudge him one moment of such joy."

One last hug and we part. Longingly I look toward my bath. Regrettably there is no time for that necessity. Tonight I must afford myself of a long hour soaking just to remove days of collected dust and natural body secretions. Such slovenly behavior is testament to just how affected I have been by my aunts passing as well as my actions in the recent past. That part of my life is over. I know I have Aunt Eileen's blessing. I will not linger over the gift Erik gave her in the months before she died. Who am I to say if it is against God or not? Each person should judge how they interpret their God's commandments.

Voices coming from the dining room let me know the others are already sitting at the table. We are not standing on ceremony during this time of recovery. Erik looks more wonderful in that moment than anything I could imagine. Tonight he has a mask on fashioned from some sort of soft leather. It is his choice to wear it for reasons of his own. We will honor his privacy. It is not necessary but we shall accede to his wishes.

Taking the chiar beside Erik I immediately feel his hot gaze running over ever inch of me. Boldly I turn to lock eyes with him. The flash of heat blazing back at me leaves me weak. It is good that I am sitting down or I may well have fallen prostrate at his feet. I can read the promise clearly in that hot gaze, one I willing answer with one of my own.

During the meal it shocks me only slightly to feel a firm warm hand squeeze my thigh. Years of breeding keep me from choking at that moment. Mindful of others in the room I nevertheless entangle my fingers with Erik's wandering hand. I too would like to touch him in a more intimate way just so I may assure myself he is real and I do not dream.

A low rumble from beside me is all the proof I need my beloved is there right beside me. It is uplifting to know he is anxious to have proof of my existence as well. Smiles not quite hidden by down bent heads belies my surety that Erik and I are being discreet with our touches of reassurance. How we made it through dinner then polite after dinner conversation I will only say had more to do with the forbearance or our friends.

As soon as we could make our excuses without seeming overly eager to be rid of our guests Erik asked me in a very polite voice, "Mademoiselle Helene would you care to see the changes that have taken place in the gardens? There is a half moon so the light should be adequate to fully appreciate how much has been reclaimed from the wild overgrowth."

"Why of course Monsiuer Erik I would love to see the progress that has taken place. Aunt Eileen did so love her gardens. Perhaps I will be able to make a few suggestions," I reply in a very proper and staid maidenly manner.

A derisive snort from Meg drew a sharp, "Meg mind your manners."

Meg's less than convincing and contrite 'Yes Maman' did not fool anyone. Antoinette's indulgent glance toward her daughter promted a cheeky grin from that young lady. From the glint in her eye I could see young Meg could possibly be more of a little devil than angel

Erik only waited until the dinning room door closed behind use before all semblance of civility gave way to his need to have me close in an embrace I returned without any trepidation or doubts. .

"Forgive me my love but I cannot wait another second to hold you in my arms. Too long have my arms been empty clutching nothing but the empty air. I do not wish to be crude but I am a man thirsty from a lifetime in the desert who has at last found the spring of life. Quench my thirst my love. Fill me with your life giving essence," Erik groans into my mouth letting me taste his need. It is the same need I feel coursing through every molecule within my body. I am alive only because Erik loves me and I love him.

"Love me Erik. Take me on the journey to heaven. Drink from me and I shall drink from you. We are one in all but our physical bodies and that too shall end when we join in the dance of lovers," I boldly state my invitation for him to continue his seduction. I am a willing disciple.

In a voice thick with sexual tension he playfully asks, "What of the gardens and the moon. What will our guests think of us."

"The gardens will be there tomorrow and the moon shall shine all the brighter for having another night to reveal its powers of seduction. Tonight I only want to see you, feel you, love you, only you my darling Erik. Love me, heal me. Make yours once again," passionately my demand ends with a plea, one which Erik is all too eager to oblige.

We devoured one another. Our bodies became one in our passion. The gardens and the moon would hold our secrets. The chill of the night did not touch our flesh that heated from the inside out as passions flared beyond our control. At the height of fulfillment Erik asks me the one question I thought never to desire to hear yet I cry from the sheer joy of the simply worded proposal.

"My darling Helene, will you be my wife?"

If ever I have a doubt about Erik's love I have only to recall the night we spent under a shy moon while lying amidst the newly awakening gifts from Mother Nature. By the time the garden comes to full bloom Erik and I exchange the vows that will join us in this life and the one beyond.


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: Finally it is done. Hope it doesn't disappoint. Felt like I rushed it once I started. Had no plan how it would go but then I never do from chapter to chapter it is whatever my fingers type. Risky but the only way I can write. All I start with is a general idea and then sometimes still come out with something totally different. Please be kind. **

**Chapter Twenty Three**

**The Legacy Begins**

Am I dreaming or am I once again slipping into madness? The words seem to hang in the air seconds before their true meaning seeps into my brain. Wishful unspoken, never thought to have the need for words slipped past my unwary tongue.

Unbelievably a soft whisper that sounds like yes tickles my ear. Seconds later two arms encircle my neck cutting off all breath from my body. If this means I am to have a wife, a living wife and not one of my own imagination, I will die willingly in this moment. Lucky for me I am not imagining any of this. My dream to live and die beside someone who loves me in return has now become a reality.

Wanting to keep our news between the two of us only lasted until Eileen walked back into the house. One look and the women began to giggle in-between many rapidly asked questions. Raoul and I stood in the background bewildered by all the commotion until we meet eye to eye. Under the guise of our newly found camaraderie /Raoul enlightens me into the inner workings of a woman's mind at least as far as any man can understand such a changeable and volatile creature. According to Raoul, there no earthly man in possession of such total knowledge of the female mind. His sage advice is to learn her many moods and act accordingly. With that he patted me on the back sending a strange enigmatic smile. My suspicious hackles rose but Eileen's calling me to her side prevented me from chocking an explanation of that insincere smirk. Yes, now that I think of it, it was more a smirk than a smile. .

Before I return to my betroths side I wait for more advice that I now find suspect. This excitement for his own engagement of necessity had been kept to the minimum. His family for the most part did not approve in the beginning. To make matters worse they had to deal with a certain mad Phantom. Guilt colors my cheeks pink so I make a coughing sound then pretend I must turn away to regain my composure. I do not contend that my retreat, or rather return to my darling Helene's side was hurried so much as swift as I am after all newly betrothed and what man in his right mind preferred the company of a man imparting information that is for the most part useful as long as I can separate truth from fiction.

Over the next few weeks I experience many such incidents. Despite my best efforts not to I cannot stem the tide of memories returning with such perfect clarity. Christine naturally is the center of most of my fonder recollections. Try as I might I am unable to bring forth the moment I asked Christine to share her life with mine as husband and wife. Headaches, that is what I get for trying so hard to recall exactly when and what I said to her.

After weeks of sifting through all those last weeks at the opera house, the last night especially, I am now certain no such question passed my lips asking for Christine's hand in marriage. I dem,and then begged but never asked. Being of sane mind now I do wonder how different things might be if not for my loss of control. I am happy with the path my life has taken. The only thing I would change is that Eileen would be present to see Helene become my wife.

It is a blessing I am not a man who takes his manhood from the name he carries on through marriage and his children. Not having a last name would then become a problem. Dawning light came when we sent for the village clergy. A surname is required for the certificate of marriage. Antoinette proudly offered hers to me. I found that idea acceptable but Helene felt it would honor Eileen for me to take her last name. Everyone concurred so I am now Monsieur Erik Lefèvre.

Of necessity the ceremony took place in the privacy of our garden. Both Helene and I spend every free minute working or just relaxing among the labor of our work, more pleasure than labor. The house is open to everyone but this garden is a sanctuary not to be invaded unless invited in. Everyone respects this unspoken commandment. In this place I feel free to remove my mask without worry someone will find offence at the ugly mark God placed upon my flesh even before I took breath.

Because life is surreal I am constantly wary of its constancy. Little by little my friends, my family, are instilling within me the confidence to believe I deserve this life of untold bounty. The word family, for so long remained foreign to me yet now it is becoming commonplace. Not only will I be gaining a wife but also an adopted sister and two nieces. Antoinette balked when Meg compared her care of me to that of a mother. Women I am learning are very sensitive about such things as age, weight and how attractive the women around them are.

Raoul took pity on me after one such misstep when asked my opinion on which dress looked better, one Christine favored or one Helene favored. Not being aware of the minefield I walked in ignorance I blithely gave my opinion. One woman beaming while the other weld up with tears confused me until my new best friend Raoul informed me of my error. A more diplomatic answer would have been to find some quality in both worthy of note or better yet simply playing deaf for that few seconds as I left the room. The latter I think will be used more readily if any future situations crop up. With my world enlarging daily many more new experiences will come my way and with help I shall be ready for them.

I wonder if any man felt so unworthy of the woman ready to commit her life to his as I do as Helene walks down the stone pathway. I am blind and deaf to all but her. I must have replied at the appropriate times with correct replies as Helene kissed me thoroughly then beamed like a thousand candles as we faced our guests.

Our guests, our friends, our home, all these and more I do not take for granted. It took Helene chastising me for referring to everything belonging to her. I am not a poor man so I shall acquit myself well on that score. It is easy to throw money around but emotions are not so easily given or trusted into another's care.

With Helene at my side and my newly acquired friends and family I do not feel as troubled by what our future holds. Each day that passes gives new meaning to the words we exchanged so lovingly on our wedding day. I am convinced I must send my music to publishers so they may decide if all those years proclaiming my genius were not wasted in unachievable pursuits.

The old life we leave behind to forge a new one with possibilities only limited by our imagination.

Dedication Day

April 14, 2012

Looking out at the mingling people I cannot help but smile. How proud and humbled our benefactor would be. If not for him none of us would be here. None of this would be possible. This great monument being dedicated to his memory as well as the wonderful legacy left behind would be but someone's dream. His footsteps have been trod upon by many members sharing the great man's bloodline.

There are a few carrying his marked face as well. They do not see it as something to bring shame but something to display proudly as it connects them in a special way to the genius that was Erik Lefvere, musical genius, entrepreneur, loving husband and father to six well rounded children and grandfather to fourteen budding geniuses. So many other words describe the man of the hour but I'll leave it to those as any more would lean toward bragging.

Eileen, our ancestress Helene Lefèvre's aunt, is the matriarch of our clan if not by direct line, then by her kindness toward a man so damaged by years of being ostracized he had not idea how to live a normal life. Helene's diaries tell the whole story. Nothing is left out as far as the family can tell by newspapers from that time as well as correspondence between the Giry's and Christine Daae, nay, Christine de Chagny, wife of Vicomte.

For a man so long denied the comfort of a woman's arms Erik sure wound up with many women willing to cater to his every desire in one way or another. It is said he developed quite a charming manner when dealing with the fairer sex. Not that he became a rake, it is just he came to understand what behavior worked and what did not.

Erik is legendary for being generous with those less fortunate. Around him no one went without food, clothing or a roof over their head. He expected his generosity to be appreciated and passed on to someone else when circumstances presented an opportunity to help another. Across the continent the name Erik Lefèvre is still equated with genius and generosity. Even in America he is well known.

Today we are dedicating the long awaited statue that will stand at the entrance to his world famous school of fine arts. Every school built was a labor of love. Music it is said was Erik's greatest passion next to his wife and children. Investing kept the profits growing enabling him to pursue the artistic side of him. We all become teary eyed when we recall how the world denied his music from being shared.

Many months of debate went into the decision of whether or not to reproduce Don Juan Triumphant. In the end we thought the world should know how it ended. I am not sure how I feel about the booklets being sold that tell of the story behind the opera. That most people think it is only something created to sell seats gives me some ease of conscience as I voted to have the first showing right here in The Erik Lefèvre School of Fine Arts.

How apropos that descendents of both Christine Daae and Raoul de Chagny won parts as well as my own dear brother. Never having any necessity to wear a mask to hide the imperfections marking part of his face it will likely be uncomfortable to wear the cumbersome mask. As practice he had one made and wears it when out in public. I am amazed at the number of women falling under the mysterious persona presented by covering half of his face.

The family grapevine is telling how he now tells of wounds earned during the war. It isn't a lie exactly. He did get wounded, twice, but not on his face. Once in his shoulder and once in his shoulder. After the second wound we all took turns giving him the speech about having done his duty and then some. The pen actually touched paper when a young nurse came to give him some medication. One smile and that man fell like hook, line and sinker. That fish is hooked and off the market even if he doesn't know it yet. I see another branch being added to the Lefèvre family tree.

All of this is possible because of one man who thought the world would always shun him but found a savoir just when he gave up on life. He found love not once but twice. If we count Christine and we do, then he had three great loves. One who shared all the days of his life until they lay at rest side by side. Only a day separated them in life and death. One could not continue on without the other. We all aspire to find such devotion. Some have found it while others still search. We all share the belief that our soul mate will come if we just wait long enough.

This family, every last one of us, is Erik's legacy.

We are truly blessed.


End file.
